Stupid christmas jokes.

[AmexRuislip]

That simply isn't true, footballers do many things as well as dribbling.


I'm pretty sure you'd just get a shark covered in snow, I don't know why anyone would do that.

Seems unlikely, fish are sure to be wetter for a start.



Are you suggesting that mice are capable of writing? I'm pretty sure they don't have a grasp of language, let alone would they celebrate Christmas

Are you the Times joke critic by any chance?

 

[brakespear]

....that Luke Skywalker is a nightmare at Christmas.....he always feels the 'presents'.....

That's nearly my favourite joke ever, except in 'my' version it is Darth Vader talking to Luke:

'Luke, I know what you have for Christmas'
'How, father?'
'I have felt your presents'

 

[WhingForPresident]

As a new years resolution can we have no more analysing of jokes, it's been done to death.Never was amusing and now is very, very irritating.

No capitals on 'new' and 'year', no apostrophe in 'years', lack of space between full stop and new sentence, second sentence uses improper grammar. 2/10, would not read again.

 

[hans kraay fan club]

As a new years resolution can we have no more analysing of jokes, it's been done to death.Never was amusing and now is very, very irritating.

The deconstruction of jokes is a fine and long-standing NSC tradition. If you suggest this ever again, I'll ban you, instantly.

 

[hans kraay fan club]

What did Adam say to his wife on the day before Christmas?


It's Christmas, Eve!

If we are led to believe that God created Adam and Eve first, then all the Baby Jesus stuff obviously came much later. So a) how did Adam know it was 'Christmas', when Christmas had not yet been 'invented', b) how did Eve know what he meant? and c) why was he lying to her, pretending it was Christmas when it was in fact the day before?

What on earth is going on, here?

 

[banjo]

If we are led to believe that God created Adam and Eve first, then all the Baby Jesus stuff obviously came much later. So a) how did Adam know it was 'Christmas', when Christmas had not yet been 'invented', b) how did Eve know what he meant? and c) why was he lying to her, pretending it was Christmas when it was in fact the day before?

What on earth is going on, here?

 

[Paskman]

What goes "Ho HO Thud"?

Santa laughing his head off!

 

[mickybha]

Q. Why hasn't Santa got any kids

A. Because he only comes once a year and that's down the chimney

 

[Prince Monolulu]

On the first Xmas, the first of three Wise Men stepped carefully into the stable but sank his golden slipper into a big pile of manure. ”Jesus Christ!” he yelled. The woman beside the manger turned to her husband and said, “Now, Joseph, isn’t that a better name for the kid than Irving?”

 

[DavidinSouthampton]

If we are led to believe that God created Adam and Eve first, then all the Baby Jesus stuff obviously came much later. So a) how did Adam know it was 'Christmas', when Christmas had not yet been 'invented', b) how did Eve know what he meant? and c) why was he lying to her, pretending it was Christmas when it was in fact the day before?

What on earth is going on, here?

Impressed by your biblical knowledge.

And the Adam and Eve bit really is a fairy tale... or a "story"..... except for the most funda of fundamentalists.

 

[Nathan]

If we are led to believe that God created Adam and Eve first, then all the Baby Jesus stuff obviously came much later. So a) how did Adam know it was 'Christmas', when Christmas had not yet been 'invented', b) how did Eve know what he meant? and c) why was he lying to her, pretending it was Christmas when it was in fact the day before?

What on earth is going on, here?

Maybe they both Googled Christmas a few nights back, and then Adam thought of the 'joke'. Eve just played along as she thought everything Adam did was great and funny, in fact Adam was just perfect in her eyes, she couldn't wait to bed the hunk again.

 

[Mutts Nuts]

Why should you never invite a team of footballers for Christmas? Because they are always dribbling


What do you get when you cross a snowman and a shark? Frost bite


What are the wettest animals in the world? Reindeer


What do angry mice send each other at Christmas time? Cross mouse cards

24th December every year my Jewish neighbor puts a ****ing parking meter on his roof.

 

[Mutts Nuts]

Boy sends letter asking Santa to send him a baby sister, Santa replies ok send me your mum

 

[goldstone68]

Why is Mrs Santa Claus always unhappy?

its because Santa only comes once a year!

 

[Dick Head]

If we are led to believe that God created Adam and Eve first, then all the Baby Jesus stuff obviously came much later. So a) how did Adam know it was 'Christmas', when Christmas had not yet been 'invented', b) how did Eve know what he meant? and c) why was he lying to her, pretending it was Christmas when it was in fact the day before?

What on earth is going on, here?

Exactly this! And another thing, why did the Flintstones celebrate Christmas?

 

[lawros left foot]

Good King Wencleslas took a wrong turn at the snowly roundabout

 

[Lindfield by the Pond]

Why does Santa have 3 gardens?

 

[Thunder Bolt]

What does Father Christmas suffer from if he gets stuck in the chimney?

Santa Claustrophobia.


How do snowmen get around?

They ride an icicle.

 

[Caveman]

Why does Santa have 3 gardens?

Oh the drama? I don't know, please tell....

 

[BN9 BHA]

What is the best Christmas present in the world?

A broken drum, you can't beat it.



What happened to the man who stole an advent calendar?

He got 25 days.