Stay friends or walk away?

[Terrace Dandy]

Wanted to know what other peoples opinions are about this topic, I expect females have a better judgement on it than males when there’s a child involved but a child that has very disturbing tendencies for Violence.

Basically the question I’m asking is should I remain friends or cut all ties altogether and move on. I don’t want to sound like a sad idiot but wanted to hear what other people’s views are on it as I’ve always found this site to be opened minded and the posters on here too be great people when expressing their views and give good honest, intellectual replies when there’s a serious topic.

In October I bumped into an old friend (I’ll call her Sarah) that I hadn’t seen for 12 years and Sarah couldn’t believe we’ve met again after all those years. She’d been married and had one child (boy) and has had a couple of relationships since her divorce but seeing me again was the happiest day she has been since we last saw each other 12 years ago but I had completely different thoughts to what she was feeling. We echanged phone numbers which I was reluctant to do but eventually gave in and done so.

We started dating but the boy who’s 7 is showing signs of being a schizophrenic and often says he’ll be happy to kill his mum. He hates his mum with a passion and it seems that I’m the only one who can keep him on the straight and narrow. Me and Sarah have fallen out a few times over the months because of my love for football and drinking at matches and have been travelling for years, Its been my life but she thinks I’m not the same as 12 years ago. What she can’t comprehend is that I’ve had a life since we last met and thinks I should be the same as then. Just before Christmas we had a bust up and thought it was over. Booked a trip too Russia for New Years Eve. Got a call and went over and things started to get back on track but then she asked if I’ve anything too say. Told her I booked a trip to Russia and things went back to how they were. The boy always asks for me and he loves being with me, he’s a Brighton fan now after buying some Albion stuff for him like a footy ball and playing with him.

Sometimes I think she’s with me or wanted me is because of her son. The reason I say that is because last night we was sitting there and could tense it wasn’t right between us. Slept downstairs for the first time and she got up and took her son too school which wasn’t a problem this time as it’s usually a nightmare because the primary school want to expel him. When she got back. Sarah just said she doesn’t love me anymore but would love us to stay friends but I can’t do it. It feels like she wants to be friends because of her son, The boy wants a dad and always asks for a family hug. But from my personal opinion it seems she wants to stay friends for her son sake because when he realises I’m not coming around anymore then he’ll go back to being the nightmare he can be. I’m not going to be some Samaritan for her. I love her but cant be just friends. i know she'll not ring unless i do so first but it'll be only on friendship tearms.

Do you think I should stay friends or go back to my footy ,beer and travelling?

 

[Uncle C]

Forget it. Lifes too short.

Cheers Chris

 

[Man of Harveys]

Did all this happen before or after your sister didn't die Dwayne?

 

[looney]

Roy Jenkins said a permissive society is a civilised society.


I think that other peoples opinions no longer matter, your going to get shit one way or the other, thats life. You choose.

 

[tedebear]

youch - not nice situation...

but you have to move on - she needs help with her son but not from you - from people who are trained in these things...

you won't be a very good carer for him is you can't get on with his mother, the situation would become very uncomfortable all round....


live and learn and move on I say...

 

[Lush]

It sounds like she and her son need professional help.

Find out what's available (- anyone know where to go?) Once they've sorted themselves out you may all have a better idea of what may or may not be possible between you in terms of love/romance/a relationship.

 

[The Large One]

In moderation, there should be room for everything.

What you haven't said is what her opinion in all this is. If you don't know, ask her. If she won't tell you, that's when you should be asking those questions about what to do next. As you probably already know, her first priority is to her son. The fact that you and him get on is not the central issue, and ought not be a major consideration.

 

[wehatepalace]

Did all this happen before or after your sister didn't die Dwayne?

que ?

 

[tedebear]

Did all this happen before or after your sister didn't die Dwayne?

is it really?? strange he has 500 odd posts?

 

[looney]

If shes nuts what makes you think she'll be atracted to you sane?


do as I do, DONT DATE NUTTERS. This I learned the hard way.

 

[Marshy]

Be happy your out of that one mate would be my thinking.

 

[Napper]

sounds harsh but get shot off. Best off out of it

 

[sussexfatboy]

Bin it mate. You're not her or the boy's carer. She doesn't love you. It's hard but you've got to walk away

 

[Digweeds Trousers]

From a personal point of view mate you need to get closure on this for own personal sanity.

sounds cheesy I know but its true. I would suggest that you take her to the water and then leave i.e you get her to a place, on in contact with a group, that can help. You have done your best, and then you have to walk away. You have not left the kid in the shit and you have respected the wishes of his mother.

Not a great scene all round but I think ultimately it would drain you of your will to live.

I learnt personally that it does not matter how much you love someone, or convince yourself that you do, it is not enough if they do not love you for who and what you are.

A mate once said to me that women think of men like grapes - crush the shit out of them until they are acceptable with a good meal.

fight the good fight and do your best.

 

[Terrace Dandy]

youch - not nice situation...

but you have to move on - she needs help with her son but not from you - from people who are trained in these things...

you won't be a very good carer for him is you can't get on with his mother, the situation would become very uncomfortable all round....


live and learn and move on I say...

Hi Bear. Sorry about this username. Haven't been able to log onto my old username for about 8 months now. No I'm not dwayne like some dork has mentioned above.

I got on well with Sarah and knew it could only work if me and the son got on. but it has reversed itself where's me and the young boy get on now where's Sarah doesn't.

Hope you had a nice xmas & new year. still living in Shoreham I take it.

 

[Terrace Dandy]

It sounds like she and her son need professional help.

Find out what's available (- anyone know where to go?) Once they've sorted themselves out you may all have a better idea of what may or may not be possible between you in terms of love/romance/a relationship.

He sees a docoter once a week at worthing hospital but now has been transfered to see a psychologist once a week.

After reading some of the replies then I think it's time to move on regardless of how much it'll hurt.

Take care.

Mr Dandy.

 

[Wardy]

This is never an easy situation. The thing you need to ask yourself is what do you want? You owe her or her son nothing and for her to use emotional blackmail is wrong.

I would suggest what Lush said, suggest that she seeks professional help both for her and her son. You then need to decide if you want to stay friends. Do you enjoy being with her son, enough to keep the friendship going. You also need to look to the future and do you want to have the baggage of someone elses child?

Unless you see a future for you and Sarah I would break it off now. It may seem crue now, but think how hard it will hit her son if you do it in say 6 months a year, or 2 years?

 

[tedebear]

Hi Bear. Sorry about this username. Haven't been able to log onto my old username for about 8 months now. No I'm not dwayne like some dork has mentioned above.

I got on well with Sarah and knew it could only work if me and the son got on. but it has reversed itself where's me and the young boy get on now where's Sarah doesn't.

Hope you had a nice xmas & new year. still living in Shoreham I take it.

sounds like whichever decision you make its going to be painful - chose the one thats best for you primarily, as you can't make anyone else happy unless you make yourself happy!!

Thanks, still in Shoreham - and won't be leaving for a long time

 

[Terrace Dandy]

This is never an easy situation. The thing you need to ask yourself is what do you want? You owe her or her son nothing and for her to use emotional blackmail is wrong.

I would suggest what Lush said, suggest that she seeks professional help both for her and her son. You then need to decide if you want to stay friends. Do you enjoy being with her son, enough to keep the friendship going. You also need to look to the future and do you want to have the baggage of someone elses child?

Unless you see a future for you and Sarah I would break it off now. It may seem crue now, but think how hard it will hit her son if you do it in say 6 months a year, or 2 years?

Thanks. The damage has been done regarding the young boy. He was expecting to stay at my house at the weekend and cant wait for me to pop round during the week with the laptop and show him how the internet works. He says I'm the next best thing to being his real dad and I'm the only one who shows him any interest as he hasn't any friends.

Like a few posters have said, It's time for me to walk away and let them be but it's so hard when one has feelings.

That's what so special about this message board. we're all Albion fans and everyone gives their opinion and some are great and some are arrogant .

 

[Wardy]

Thanks. The damage has been done regarding the young boy. He was expecting to stay at my house at the weekend and cant wait for me to pop round during the week with the laptop and show him how the internet works. He says I'm the next best thing to being his real dad and I'm the only one who shows him any interest as he hasn't any friends.

Like a few posters have said, It's time for me to walk away and let them be but it's so hard when one has feelings.

That's what so special about this message board. we're all Albion fans and everyone gives their opinion and some are great and some are arrogant .

I have a son from a previous relationship that lives in Folkestone. Me and his mum started going out when we were about 18ish. We then broke up and she moved away. A few years later we met up and started seeing each other again. We ended up having a child when tbh neither of us wanted one and were not even sure of our feelings for each other.

When my son was 4 months old, me and his mother broke up because she started seeing her old boyfriend again. I moved to Eastbourne and for a while used to go and see him when ever possible.

Then one day I turned up to pick him up and he was out with his mothers partner, when they come back I saw the look on his face towards the man, and knew that from his point of view this new man was his dad. I decided then to walk away from the relationship since it was not doing my son any good having two dads. My friends all said that I was stupid and that I would regret it. But to be honest I know that in the long run he will understand. As part of the deal that I would no longer see him, I said that I wanted her solicitor to hold a letter that would be passed to him on his 16th birthday. This letter tells him all about me, his mother and why i decided to do what I did.