Song titles or lyrics that are palpably untrue.

[Digweeds Trousers]

She's an Easy Lover screamed balding dull-man Phil Collins.

Well he obviously hasn't tried to get jiggy with my other half after 10 pints of Stella and a chilli doner.

Not on your f***ing life Collins.

Liar.

 

[Parson Henry]

Dancin on a Saturday Nite - Barry Blue

What about this then?

"Hey little girl get your dancin shoes...

Your gold satin jacket and your silvery blues..

and it'll be alright..

Dancin on a Saturday nite.

1. When I was a lad at school I asked a girlie to the school disco. She brought her shoes and satin jacket but was bemused when I asked her where her silvery blues were?

2. Some years later after an albion defeat. I was low..I was down..I was depressed. So out I went to Busbys and had a boogie. In fact I danced on a Saturday night. Lo and behold it wasn't bloody alright!!!!!

Barry are you listening?

 

[Gazwag]

"summers here and the time is right for dancing in the street"

screamed Jagger and Bowie in their cover version in 1985.

No, just cos Summer was here that is no reason at all for dancing in the street. No self respecting person would dance in the street except for the following circumstance:

When Prescott says YES

 

[Marc]

Bon Jovi and their lyric "I wanna lay you down on a bed of roses"

Now excuse me Mr Jon Bon Bloody Jovi, but if you were to lay your girly down on a bed of roses, dont you think it might be a wise idea to cut off the thorns first? Last thing a hot chick wants is to lie down in the heat of passionate love and get a prickly arse!

 

[Ex Shelton Seagull]

Non qualified GP Dr Hook tells us that "when you're in love with a beautiful woman, you watch your friends".

So I watched all my mates like a hawk, and my missus went off and f***ed some bloke i'd never heard of.

Twat.

 

[Ex Shelton Seagull]

Here's another LIE from that slapheaded dullard, Phil Collins.

"You're the only one who ever knew me at all".

WRONG. I've never met you in my f***ing life Collins, and if I did I wouldn't know the first thing about you except that you're a twat.

Now do one.

 

[Lokki 7]

When high haired heart-throb Aussie soapstar Stefan Dennis growled convincingly "wanna make ya feel good", I couldn't help but believe him. Yet when I approached him after his personal appearance at Valentines night club on Crowborough High Street to tell him his song was quite possibly the biggest piece of shit I'd ever had the misfortune to hear, he spat in my face. He didn't want to make me feel good at all the two-faced bastard!

 

[Schrödinger's Toad]

Cher reckoned love could build a bridge. Personally I always thought it entailed large amounts of metal, concrete and skilled labourers, but I'm prepared to admit I'm wrong. Can love also build a stadium?

 

[Hove&Albion F.C]

sheryl crow says that every day is a winding road.

Not wilmslow road in manchester i have to travel up to from withington every day to uni- thats a damn straight (and long) road.

Liar.

 

[Icy Gull]

She's an Easy Lover screamed balding dull-man Phil Collins.

Well he obviously hasn't tried to get jiggy with my other half after 10 pints of Stella and a chilli doner.

Not on your f***ing life Collins.

Liar.

Is this the other half you wooed so romantically with expensive restaurants and bottles of Sancerre, only a few months ago ?

 

[Digweeds Trousers]

Ahem, well er, I er, you see, it's not quite like that, she er, well, said that er, ...............yes it is.

 

[Parson Henry]

Summer Breeze

Can someone inform me where the 'Jasmine of my mind is'?

 

[On the Left Wing]

Only Women Bleed

Come off it Alice Cooper .... I cut myself shaving this morning and I bled like stuck pig! And I ain't no woman ... not with my appendage!

 

[bhafc99]

Proof that popstars are LIARS while real people tell the truth can be found when the two cross over.

By winning the first Pop Idol, lug-jawed public schoolboy Will Young became the first 'real person' to also become a pop star.

And he proved the theory that real people don't lie by being UNABLE TO LIE in his songs.

"I think I better leave right now," bleated the balding bum bandit recently.

Ab so f***ing lutley spot on mate. Off you jolly well pop.

 

[Robbie G]

Mungo Jerry - In the Summer Time

"you can stretch right up
an' touch the sky"

 

[bhafc99]

"It started with a kiss," purred slap-headed Hot Chocolate main man Errol Brown.

No it didn't. Years of scientific study into the Big Bang theory, not to mention a couple of centuries of religious crackpottery, can disprove that in an instant.

Twat.

 

[The Large One]

Jackie Wilson Said (I'm In Heaven When You Smile)

Well Mr Van Morrison (incidentally, are you like Brooklyn Beckham, and named after the place you were conceived?), unless you are gawping at the Medusa (enter Perseus - from behind), it's unlikely anyone's smile is going to kill you, is it?

 

[Simster]

"Sweetness, sweetness I was only joking when I said I'd like to smash every tooth in your head. Sweetness, sweetness, I was only joking when I said by rights you should be bludgeoned in your bed" warbled permanently-depressed song maestro but uber-geek, Morrissey.

What a f***ing stupid joke that is. In fact, if I said that to my wife, she'd probably call the police.

"Why did the orange stop rolling? Because it ran out of juice".

See - that's a proper joke you Manc CLOWN.

 

[NMH]

Summer Breeze

Can someone inform me where the 'Jasmine of my mind is'?

Ok, I'll answer that one;

The 'Jasmine of your mind' is found in the herb garden, just left of the shrubbery of your mind. It's just above the medulla.

Any further questions?

 

[dougdeep]

Any further questions?

What noise annoys an oyster?