Bit of an odd thing to take to the football ground.
Another FHRITP at West Ham. Bloke reporting at Newcastle just got called a 'baldie'. Glorious stuff.
Guy goes to A&E with a Black Mamba stuck up his rectum
The nurse puts on the rubber gloves and says,'We'll have that out in no time...', to which the bloke says, 'Fu*k getting it out, how do you change the batteries!?...'
Snakes don't have batteries.