Silly things you've done when under the influence...

[happypig]

Mid 80's I went out on a very hot night, had a couple of lager tops, went home and because it was hot I divested myself of everything but my shreddies. Fell asleep on the sofa, woke up needing a wee and went out the wrong door, which shut behind me leaving me in the street.
Another time I tried to grow a beard but it was so itchy I decided to shave it off. Problem was I'd had a large baileys or two and my razor work wasn't very good. Being a bit tiddly, I didn't feel the nicks so went to bed. Woke up in the morning and my pillow looked like an abbotoir floor, scared the bejeezus out of me.

 

[JamesAndTheGiantHead]

I ate a kebab out of a bin once.

 

[Carrot Cruncher]

After a few cheeky ones, I cycled across Southampton Common. Thought it would be clever to see how far I could go with my eyes closed. Got about 20 metres when I came off the path and into the biggest mud patch where I obviously stopped dead and fell off.

I got home looking like Swamp Thing.

 

[Justice]

I ate a kebab out of a bin once.

Don't feel bad Palace fans do this all the time.

 

[Goring-by-Seagull]

Where do I start...

 

[pastafarian]

me volunteering to be test pilot after my mate decided to make a homegrown parasail by tying a parachute to the back of his land rover

 

[The Truth]

I ate a kebab out of a bin once.

The first 4 words are stupid enough

 

[Durlston]

Having a couple of blasts from a crack pipe after a few pints of Stella.

Thought I was going to have a heart attack and threw up in the garden. Never again. Had a chesty cough for days after that.

 

[Mellotron]

After a few cheeky ones, I cycled across Southampton Common. Thought it would be clever to see how far I could go with my eyes closed. Got about 20 metres when I came off the path and into the biggest mud patch where I obviously stopped dead and fell off.

I got home looking like Swamp Thing.

Superb.

 

[Stumpy Tim]

There were horses, and a man on fire, and I killed a guy with a trident.

 

[dougdeep]

Projectile vomited from the upstairs back seat of a number 12 bus. Nearly reached the stairs.

 

[hybrid_x]

i woke up.....hmm.....that's not my ceiling........whaa......i can feel skin against my leg......this isn't my bed........where am i? .......turn head slowly........a girl..........hmm....i don't remember........peel back cover gently as not to wake her..............oh no.....she is horrific...

how am i to get out of here? oh no, she is starting to wriggle up to me......she wants more! oh no....please god........

***

Copy and paste the above fellas.

 

[SouthCoastOwl]

Slept under a hedge about 100yds from my front door because I couldn't work out where I was or how to get home! Up until that point in my life my alcohol homing insticts had been pretty much unimpeachable.

 

[Mo Gosfield]

In Germany, many years ago, got absolutely rat-arsed. Woke up in shop doorway, early morning ( no idea how I got there ) Desperate for a tom-tit, raced around for 3-4 minutes, couldn't find anywhere open. Suddenly heard clanking noise as gates to the underground were opening. Tore down stairs only to find toilets locked. Now, gone beyond point of no return, found quietest spot possible, under stairway. Did the business, pulled up trousers, turned round, only to see disgusted and horrified face of railway official, in ticket booth, staring at me from about 15 feet away.
Obviously I stayed and offered to help clear up the mess...did I heck...to my eternal shame, I legged it like Usain Bolt, cringing in embarrassment.

 

[Mo Gosfield]

Mate of mine staggered home from the pub and tried to get his front door key in the lock. Lacking co-ordination, it spun from his grasp and disappeared somewhere in the front garden. Scrabbling around on his hands and knees, in the flowers, looking for it, copious alcoholic intake and a lovely warm summer night got the better of him and he gently subsided into sleep. He was awoken by voices saying..." are you alright "....it was a neighbour's daughter + boyfriend, out late. He muttered something to the effect of..." looking for my key " and promptly went back to sleep. Cue..bemused expressions from couple who left him where he was and where he stayed until the milkman was next on the scene.

 

[ali jenkins]

Where do I start...

 

[daveinprague]

Stole a bike in Copenhagen after 4 or 5 Elephant Beers, but apparently thats normal.

One of the funniest things ive seen when under the influence...mate and myself were running from the OB in Gibraltar... as we got to the back of the cemetary thats by the dockyard gate...
My mate decided that he couldnt run anymore and was going to hide behind 'these bushes'...jumped over the wall, and realised he had just jumped into a gap between the tops of two tree's, not bushes....
The look on his face, when he realised will stay with me forever.
He lucklly only ended up with scratches, bruises, and a fractured ankle...I was knicked as the police found me collapsed on the floor laughing like a drain.

 

[whitelion]

Dived head first into an empty swimming pool after a disco in Saudi Arabia...got left behind in Spain at Girona airport with no money or luggage...that had gone on the flight home with my mates....took a week to get home on a coach after the hotel put me up and I blagged meals from the local bodega (from the owner who we'd treated well whilst there).
I have had many stupid "episodes" over the years but finally seeing some sense...

 

[Mowgli37]

Throwing up in my friend's living room then insisting on trying to pick up the chunks and clean up after his Dad walked in was rather embarrassing

 

[The Antikythera Mechanism]

Woke up outside the front door, naked, holding two dinner plates, one front and one back.