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HellBilly
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Rubbish Jokes
- Thread starter TSB
- Start date
Chinman3000
Well-known member
- Sep 28, 2011
- 1,269
A snail slivered into a pub and said 'a pint of fosters please'.
The landlord said 'you're not old enough' and kicked him out.
2 years later he cam back in and said 'what did you do that for?'
The landlord said 'you're not old enough' and kicked him out.
2 years later he cam back in and said 'what did you do that for?'
Charlies Shinpad
New member
It was so hot last night I slept with the window open
Someone sneaked in and removed my internal organs and then made love to me
I woke up this morning f##king gutted
Someone sneaked in and removed my internal organs and then made love to me
I woke up this morning f##king gutted
A migrant makes it from Calais to Dover.
A Genie appears and says "Well done Abdul...you now get three wishes".
Abdul has a think and says "A nice flash car and a seven bedroomed house for my four wives and children would be nice"
In a puff of smoke it all appears.
"You still have a wish left" says the Genie.
"OK I want to be a British citizen" says Abdul...........
Everything is gone in a flash!
A Genie appears and says "Well done Abdul...you now get three wishes".
Abdul has a think and says "A nice flash car and a seven bedroomed house for my four wives and children would be nice"
In a puff of smoke it all appears.
"You still have a wish left" says the Genie.
"OK I want to be a British citizen" says Abdul...........
Everything is gone in a flash!
StonehamPark
#Brighton-Nil
Stefan was watching a Six Nations game in Cardiff.
In the packed stadium there was only one empty seat, right next to him.
“Whose is that seat?” asked a man in the row behind.
“I got the ticket for my wife,” said Dai. “But she died in an accident.”
“So you’re keeping the seat vacant as a mark of respect?”
“No,” said the fan, “I offered it to all of my friends.”
“So why didn’t they take it?”
“They’ve all gone to the funeral.”
In the packed stadium there was only one empty seat, right next to him.
“Whose is that seat?” asked a man in the row behind.
“I got the ticket for my wife,” said Dai. “But she died in an accident.”
“So you’re keeping the seat vacant as a mark of respect?”
“No,” said the fan, “I offered it to all of my friends.”
“So why didn’t they take it?”
“They’ve all gone to the funeral.”
StonehamPark
#Brighton-Nil
A Welshman, Scot and Englishman are walking when they come across a lantern and a genie pops out and grants them one wish each.
The Scot says: “I am a sheep herder, like my dad before me. I want my country to be full of lovely sheep farms.”
Whoosh, and so it was.
The Englishman was amazed and says: “I want a wall around England to keep those damned Scots and Welsh out.”
Bang, there was a wall around England.
The Welshman says: “Tell me more about this wall.”
The genie says: “It’s 200 feet high, 100 feet thick, it goes all around England, and nothing can get in or out.”
The Welshman says: “Fill it with water.”
The Scot says: “I am a sheep herder, like my dad before me. I want my country to be full of lovely sheep farms.”
Whoosh, and so it was.
The Englishman was amazed and says: “I want a wall around England to keep those damned Scots and Welsh out.”
Bang, there was a wall around England.
The Welshman says: “Tell me more about this wall.”
The genie says: “It’s 200 feet high, 100 feet thick, it goes all around England, and nothing can get in or out.”
The Welshman says: “Fill it with water.”
Vegas Seagull
New member
- Jul 10, 2009
- 7,782
How much does a Greek Urn?
€0
€0
symyjym
Banned
Took my wife to the doctor today to sort her tourettes out today. Turns out she doesn’t have it, I am a c*** and she really does want me to f*** off
surrey jim
Not in Surrey
Can dentists cure Tourette's?
symyjym
Banned
:
Been struggling with this for a while but at 12:00 today I finally plucked up the courage to call Gamblers Anonymous. They told me to call back at 20/1
METALMICKY
Well-known member
- Jan 30, 2004
- 6,827
Snail walks into a Ferrari dealership and much to the salesman's dismay he insists he will only spend the big bucks if they can do a custom paint job. He then proceeds to demand that they paint a big letter 'S' on all the door panels, the roof and the boot.
The salesman enquired as to why he would want to do this to such a machine stunning enough in the classic Rosso Red. The snail replied " When I'm driving round town I want people to say wow look at that 'S' car go!
The salesman enquired as to why he would want to do this to such a machine stunning enough in the classic Rosso Red. The snail replied " When I'm driving round town I want people to say wow look at that 'S' car go!
DavidRyder
Well-known member
- Jul 23, 2013
- 2,930
What's the difference between Ignorance and Indifference?
I don't know and I don't care...
I don't know and I don't care...
Insel affe
HellBilly
Do you know how copper wire was invented ??
Two Scotsmen fighting over a penny.
Two Scotsmen fighting over a penny.
alfredmizen
Banned
- Mar 11, 2015
- 6,342
I've just started a sexual relationship with a blind woman, while its been very rewarding, at times its been extremely difficult and challenging..................... it took me ages to get her husbands voice right..
- Jul 10, 2003
- 27,772
I had a 
over an ex-girlfriend last night.
Well, I still had the spare key, so i thought .....
over an ex-girlfriend last night.Well, I still had the spare key, so i thought .....
alfredmizen
Banned
- Mar 11, 2015
- 6,342
I did that to my ex on a regular basis, she was convinced she had conjunctivitis for years........I had a
Well, I still had the spare key, so i thought .....