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Revenge on Food Pilferers



R

Razi

Active member
Aug 3, 2003
1,622
Stevenage
Thought I'd put this one out to the masses... I work abroad doing seasons, changing location every 6 months or so. I'm currently out in the French Alps doing my thing and living in a shared chalet with 12 others - got my own room, double bed.. all very nice. We all share the same lounge and kitchen. In this kitchen, we've all got our own cupboards and a shelf in a few fridges. Generally there's a certain 'communal' aspect to the food... just help ourselves to each others milk, cheese, butter.. that kind of thing, and just buy some more when it runs out. It's worked fine since December.

However.

Over the last week, I've had almost 3 entire bars of Milka chocolate being slowly eaten away - and almost 2/3 of a bar just last night. I'm sure it's prolly from late night drunkards coming in and feeling a bit peckish. The chocolate doesn't bother me at all.. it's maybe €1.50 for 3 bards, I'm not that tight. It's just the principle, other people happily pinching things out of cupboards without asking.

So, my question is this... what should I do to the chocolate that's going to make it obvious as to who the thief is? I've thought about maybe wiping it in dog crap (our house dog has had the shits recently) or perhaps just covering it in food dye, and hope to catch the thief 'red handed'...?

Nothing is too low, but I want to be able to ascertain, at the end, who is responsible.. thoughts?
 






Tom Hark Preston Park

Tom Hark Preston Park

Will Post For Cash
Jul 6, 2003
72,350
Razi said:
Thought I'd put this one out to the masses... I work abroad doing seasons, changing location every 6 months or so. I'm currently out in the French Alps doing my thing and living in a shared chalet with 12 others - got my own room, double bed.. all very nice. We all share the same lounge and kitchen. In this kitchen, we've all got our own cupboards and a shelf in a few fridges. Generally there's a certain 'communal' aspect to the food... just help ourselves to each others milk, cheese, butter.. that kind of thing, and just buy some more when it runs out. It's worked fine since December.

However.

Over the last week, I've had almost 3 entire bars of Milka chocolate being slowly eaten away - and almost 2/3 of a bar just last night. I'm sure it's prolly from late night drunkards coming in and feeling a bit peckish. The chocolate doesn't bother me at all.. it's maybe €1.50 for 3 bards, I'm not that tight. It's just the principle, other people happily pinching things out of cupboards without asking.

So, my question is this... what should I do to the chocolate that's going to make it obvious as to who the thief is? I've thought about maybe wiping it in dog crap (our house dog has had the shits recently) or perhaps just covering it in food dye, and hope to catch the thief 'red handed'...?

Nothing is too low, but I want to be able to ascertain, at the end, who is responsible.. thoughts?
Click to expand...

You sad sad man :lolol:
 




















T

Tooting Gull

Well-known member
Jul 5, 2003
11,033
That's the problem with the French Alps these days - more pikeys than you could throw a rusting fridge at.
 








csider

csider

Active member
Dec 11, 2006
4,511
Hove
Put the choccy bar in between your arse cheeks and then put it back in the fridge for the pikey to enjoy.

Or keep it in your room, cold chocolate is is not as nice as room temprature IMO.
 




G

Gully

Monkey in a seagull suit.
Apr 24, 2004
16,812
Way out west
Do precisely that, or worse, with the chocolate...then when everyone is together just announce to the group about the theft and what you have done, the guilty party is likely to either turn green or vomit...QED, you have your thief!
 


Nibble

Nibble

New member
Jan 3, 2007
19,238
First thing's first. You need to set up an incident room. You cannot conduct a proper investigation without a designated focal point.

Next, get that crime scene sealed off, careless handling of the area could corrupt any potential submissable evidence.

I would get the state authorities working in shifts and let the local, provincial Gendarme handle any other crime in the area as the national force will be too busy dealing with your high profile case. You will have no shortage of volunteers as many ambitious officers will see solving this as a potentially career making case.

Next step is to do some door to door enquiries. Most locals will not mind being disturbed as they will view your situation as something terrible that could befall any one of them and would wish the same effort be afforded them if they were in your shoes.

Whilst you conduct your enquiries I think a televised appeal, followed by some public reassurance to the locals that they should not be alarmed. This may stem some of the inevitable panic that engulfs a community at times like this. The last thing we need is another "Maddie" media frenzy.

Above all, keep calm, employ solid police methods and I am sure this case will be studied for years to come as the very definition of swift justice.

Or just let the house know and buy some more chocolate.
 




Stinkers Bridge

Stinkers Bridge

New member
Jul 28, 2004
1,950
Buxted Harbour
Wait up one night, hidden out of view with an axe and then when you spy your choc'o'thief simply jump from your designated hiding place, yelling like a banshee and wielding the axe above your head. If this doesn't spook the culprit chop his/her head off and shit down his neck. I guarantee that they won't do it again.
 




T

terrymendez

New member
Nov 22, 2006
227
Dials
Whats the snow like in the Alps then?....I am heading out to Morzine on saturday...i hear there was a bit of snow at the weekend...

You could always buy a cheap finger printing kit and dust down the chocolate bar the next morning. Then compare these from prints off of glasses used by the suspects?
 




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