[Misc] Public toilet pooing

[Badger]

before sitting on the throne, leave a bed of paper so not to touch plastic

There's people who do this in my work toilets. How do I know this? Because they leave their bed of toilet paper for the next person to clean up

I can only assume they do it for hygiene reasons. They're obviously unaware that toilet paper is an absorbent material, so anything which is on the toilet seat will go straight through the paper on to their arse. Also, what do they think they're going to catch from touching their arse on a toilet seat?

 

[Tom Hark Preston Park]

The queue for the meagre number of cubicles in the Gents in the North Stand always seems to me to be the sorriest looking queue in Amexdom. Me, if I ever had to join that sorry looking queue, I'd be WAY inclined to assert my right to identify as a woman just before HT, then use the Ladies, then renounce my right to identify as a woman immediately after, er, job DONE!

 

[Two Professors]

Leaving a very fragrant gift in John Lewis's frequently cleaned bogs is a favourite.Cross-eyed people trying to flog expensive electronics is funny af.

 

[Raleigh Chopper]

Never ever use public toilet.
If I'm touching cloth I will go for a McShit, if I have time I will go to a hotel and use theirs.
I have used the toilet in Claridges and The Savoy in the past.

 

[spongy]

I was once pissing in the urinal of a completely silent pub toilet when a voice came from the cubicle:

‘Do me a favour mate’

‘What?’

‘Hit the hand drier.’

His wish was granted.

A regularly frequented pub of mine usually has a quiet occupied cubicle on a Friday night, as soon as the hand dryer is hit a few seconds later it is vacated and exitied without even a cursory tap water wash of the hands......

At least they always leave the seat lid down for the next person

 

[Eeyore]

I'd dump loud and proud and let out a big cheer upon the dunk. I don't know why folk are so bothered.

I love going into a loo and hearing the silence in the next cubicle as they hold it in. I pull out a Guardian, have a read, and wait until they can delay no longer.

 

[Harry Wilson's tackle]

Anyone remember the public toilets at the clock tower? I once ventured in there as a young teenager in 1972 (for a shit, not a walk on the wild side). I was chased into a cubicle by a leering old paedophile. No need to worry about sitting on the seat - there was no seat. All the paper (greaseproof semi transparet - utterly useless) was on the floor. The floor was awash with piss. There was shit smeared on the wall and door. The wall was graffitied with unfeasibly sized cocks and invitations to meet up for hand shandies (etc). I waited a short while, then bolted out past the grasping hands of the old pederast, and jumped on the 11 bus home, clenching to keep the sausage at bay till I reached Portslade.

In later life I have ventured forth. In 'The Bay' store in Vancouver I was enjoying a quiet moment in a cubicle when I saw a glint under the divide. The bloke next to me had a mirror on a stick. I called him a dirty **** and told him I was coming round to punch him. He was off like a nitrous oxide propelled rocket. As I had to get my trousers up, and he only had to zip up, the dirty *******, he was down the corridor and out before I had the chance to give him the benefit of my enormous opinion.

 

[Raleigh Chopper]

Someone's going to put that clip of Austin Powers and the Texan on this thread shortly.

 

[Albion my Albion]

I was once pissing in the urinal of a completely silent pub toilet when a voice came from the cubicle:

‘Do me a favour mate’

‘What?’

‘Hit the hand drier.’

His wish was granted.

Good thing you weren't feeling horny. The bloke likely gives a sh!tty hand job.

 

[jonnyrovers]

Good thing you weren't feeling horny. The bloke likely gives a sh!tty hand job.

WTF??

 

[happypig]

In later life I have ventured forth. In 'The Bay' store in Vancouver I was enjoying a quiet moment in a cubicle when I saw a glint under the divide. The bloke next to me had a mirror on a stick. I called him a dirty **** and told him I was coming round to punch him. He was off like a nitrous oxide propelled rocket. As I had to get my trousers up, and he only had to zip up, the dirty *******, he was down the corridor and out before I had the chance to give him the benefit of my enormous opinion.

Blimey, small world....

 

[pearl]

The queue for the meagre number of cubicles in the Gents in the North Stand always seems to me to be the sorriest looking queue in Amexdom. Me, if I ever had to join that sorry looking queue, I'd be WAY inclined to assert my right to identify as a woman just before HT, then use the Ladies, then renounce my right to identify as a woman immediately after, er, job DONE!

LOL .... there's two sorry looking queues either end in the only ladies in the NS .... usually legs crossed, anxiously hoping the next free cubicle will be down their end

 

[DumLum]

2 and 3. Then I wash my hands.

If you don't wash your hands and many of you don't you are a good example of why the human race will eventually fail to exist.

 

[pearl]

There's people who do this in my work toilets. How do I know this? Because they leave their bed of toilet paper for the next person to clean up

I can only assume they do it for hygiene reasons. They're obviously unaware that toilet paper is an absorbent material, so anything which is on the toilet seat will go straight through the paper on to their arse. Also, what do they think they're going to catch from touching their arse on a toilet seat?

 

[oneillco]

No this doesn't need airing on NSC FFS!

Was discussing with mates and thought it needed airing on nsc.

When defecating in a public toilet, do you

1. flush and then push so noone hears the musical noises
2. leave a landing pad of paper so noone hears the thud
3. before sitting on the throne, leave a bed of paper so not to touch plastic
4. all of above

If other, please list

 

[jonnyrovers]

As I get older I get less concerned by such matters. we all shit. Even the pretty ones.

Go to Sainsburys and you will see very attractive women with a 12 roll pack under their arms - thats cos they shit as well.

So as long as its clean I will happily poo anywhere.

Yeah but do the pretty ones discharge 4 litres of sewage horizontally like a muck spreader twice a day? God help the pretty one that goes in the bog after me....

 

[Cheshire Cat]

Make sure the cubicle is locked and the receptacle is not already full.

Shut my eyes, hold my nose, try not to breathe in, put fingers in my ears, reverse park, push and hope.....

 

[pearl]

Make sure the cubicle is locked and the receptacle is not already full.

Shut my eyes, hold my nose, try not to breathe in, put fingers in my ears, reverse park, push and hope.....

what do you hold your nose with ..... your knees?

 

[Bevendean Hillbilly]

I remember going for a shit in a public trap in Hove once. I was sitting there having a relaxing moment when I glanced up to see a blokes face peering over the top...by the look on him he was on the vinegar strokes when I looked up...cue me shouting and him fleeing the scene with me in pursuit with my kecks down.

Christ knows how that looked me running after him with my strides down...normal for Hove I suspect.

 

[Bevendean Hillbilly]

Lots of things. Ringworm, chlamydia..er...arse cancer?