[Football] Parental advice needed for a father of a 14 year old ref.

[Swimboy64]

You will find the answer by continuing to read the thread. Post #19

Thank you

 

[studio150]

Red card the coaches, if they refuse to leave the vicinity of the pitch, abandon the game.

And don't forget if the coaches give a false name, it's a further offence, which the league will have to deal with.

On a more serious approach:


I think whether your son continues to ref, really comes down to how long is he affected by the abuse, if its all forgotten about by Monday morning, then while the abuse is not acceptable, if he wants to continue then I would continue to support him.

If he is showing signs of still being affected into the start of school week, then whether or not he wants to continue, I would be telling him, as a minimum he needs a break, and look to become involved again in some younger age group tournaments during the summer to built his confidence back up.

Whatever is decided, just support your son as you already are.

 

[Milano]

Red card the coaches, if they refuse to leave the vicinity of the pitch, abandon the game.

And don't forget if the coaches give a false name, it's a further offence, which the league will have to deal with.

On a more serious approach:


I think whether your son continues to ref, really comes down to how long is he affected by the abuse, if its all forgotten about by Monday morning, then while the abuse is not acceptable, if he wants to continue then I would continue to support him.

If he is showing signs of still being affected into the start of school week, then whether or not he wants to continue, I would be telling him, as a minimum he needs a break, and look to become involved again in some younger age group tournaments during the summer to built his confidence back up.

Whatever is decided, just support your son as you already are.

You expect a 14 year old to red card adult coaches, who are abusing him anyway, and potentially abandon a match? Please get real. I’d imagine he was frightened, especially as his dad had temporarily left the area. These arseholes need to be reported, to the FA and to their clubs.

 

[studio150]

You expect a 14 year old to red card adult coaches, who are abusing him anyway, and potentially abandon a match? Please get real. I’d imagine he was frightened, especially as his dad had temporarily left the area. These arseholes need to be reported, to the FA and to their clubs.

"On a more serious note"

No need to worry, I've made a mental note to dumb down my posts, so everyone can hopefully understand.

I will also look into whether the signature warning should be more explicit.

 

[Krafty]

@@@@@@@@@@

You’ve all given us so much to discuss.

Each and EVERY post on here has given us a discussion point.

Personally speaking I have never been more proud and grateful of being a member of NSC.

My son is happy now, he’s read the thread and personally I believe he’s going to continue.

There are always two sides to every story but regardless of that he’s my boy and his happiness and well being is of paramount importance to me
while I do need to remind him that life is sometimes hard and people are sometimes (even if they are unaware of it) arseholes.

Thanking you all (once again) for your support.

After experiencing that abuse, your son shows resilience in wanting to continue his interest in refereeing. I'm sure he would become a great referee.

As you have said, prioritise your son's happiness and well-being. If he doesn't enjoy it, stop.

Thanks to you and your son for talking about this.

 

[Greg Bobkin]

Whilst I feel for your son I can guarantee most contributors to this thread have screamed obscenities at a ref during an Albion game. It starts at the highest level and trickles its way down. Like kids junior football level covering their mouths when speaking utterly ridiculous.

This argument is flawed, IMO. Firstly, while I'm not condoning shouting at referees, there is a world of difference between those who officiate in the PL and the people at the lowest levels of grass roots, many of whom reluctantly do it just to ensure games go ahead.

Secondly, the OP talks about coaches verbally abusing refs. If this was done at 'an Albion game', the staff would be (and have been, with our very own RDZ) punished.

As for your last bit, I've never seen that happen and, at all of the youth football matches I've been to, I've never seen TV cameras or microphones present to pick anything up!

 

[Sirnormangall]

How do I play this? My 14 year old refereeing son has just left the field of play virtually in tears after receiving shit loads of criticism from both coaches this morning in a kids match.

Do I a) get him to dust himself down, encourage him to take it on the chin, tell him how he’s doing a great job under difficult circumstances (I.e working with 2 unqualified sometimes bias linos) and remind him how proud we are of him while still learning his trade doing an important role in a game he loves, and teach him the value of toughening up and taking the rough with the smooth.

or

b) email the league and tell them to shove it up their arses, it’s not worth the fuckin aggro.?

I’m 56 years old I’m seriously learning towards option b)

Is option a) a better choice?

Thanks in advance

So sorry to hear of your lad’s experience. I’ve been involved in youth football for many years and sadly this type of thing is not uncommon - even though you’re supposed to have passed a safeguarding course to be a coach.

Quite recently one of our club officials had to ref a youth match because there simply aren’t enough refs. He got a lot of dreadful abuse from opposition parents who thought it unfair and absurd that we couldn’t get a proper ref. When I challenged them that the reason why there aren’t enough refs is because of people like them, sadly they just didn’t accept or get it. The problem is that most of them are pig ignorant and have no idea ( or desire to understand) what it’s like to run kids’ football or indeed any voluntary activity.

In your shoes I would:
* report your experience to the safeguarding officers at both clubs
* report it to the League and copy to the Sussex FA safeguarding team ( they need to know that this happened and the FA is spending a lot of money on advertising currently about this type of negative behaviour).

Finally I’d show your son the posts on this thread. We’re right behind him.

 

[Cotton Socks]

Whilst I feel for your son I can guarantee most contributors to this thread have screamed obscenities at a ref during an Albion game. It starts at the highest level and trickles its way down. Like kids junior football level covering their mouths when speaking utterly ridiculous.

Nope, I haven't screamed obscenities at a ref! An eyeroll or maybe a quiet mumbled ffs, but usually the ffs is directed at the player for doing something wrong. A quiet wtf & raised eyebrows if the ref is in the wrong. However if I'm at home watching on the TV and VAR make a stupid decision then I have been known to say 'oh f**k off' to the tv!

 

[Milano]

I do think a 14 year old should not be refereeing 13 year olds, it’s asking for trouble as the average 13 yo is not going to respect a 14 yo. Doesn’t excuse the coaches though.
As kids get older having a ‘proper’ ref becomes more and more important. My elder son (15) has had the opposition coach ref too often this season because there are not enough refs. It has a negative effect on the match to the result that a couple of matches have been farcical.

 

[drew]

We want to teach respect at junior level football but look at some of the vile abuse Premier League refs get. Everyone thinks they can do better on here but they wouldn’t.

The league refs can't do anything about the crowd but they can about players and most of the time they don't which is the behaviour that filters down to grassroots players and how they believe they can get away with the same behaviour.

 

[Greg Bobkin]

I do think a 14 year old should not be refereeing 13 year olds, it’s asking for trouble as the average 13 yo is not going to respect a 14 yo. Doesn’t excuse the coaches though.
As kids get older having a ‘proper’ ref becomes more and more important. My elder son (15) has had the opposition coach ref too often this season because there are not enough refs. It has a negative effect on the match to the result that a couple of matches have been farcical.

I've watched Bobkin Jnr's matches where this has happened - and the 'ref' has been coaching 'his' players during the game! Bonkers.

 

[El Presidente]

So sorry to hear that.

Certainly contact the FA and also consider Ref Support on Twitter, he’s excellent

 

[raymondo]

Write to the league and include a factual referees report from your son (or vice versa). The refs report should request a 5 match touchline ban for both sets of coaches. Then, a mix of A and B for your son - you are doing a good job, mate

 

[sydney]

How do I play this? My 14 year old refereeing son has just left the field of play virtually in tears after receiving shit loads of criticism from both coaches this morning in a kids match.

Do I a) get him to dust himself down, encourage him to take it on the chin, tell him how he’s doing a great job under difficult circumstances (I.e working with 2 unqualified sometimes bias linos) and remind him how proud we are of him while still learning his trade doing an important role in a game he loves, and teach him the value of toughening up and taking the rough with the smooth.

or

b) email the league and tell them to shove it up their arses, it’s not worth the fuckin aggro.?

I’m 56 years old I’m seriously learning towards option b)

Is option a) a better choice?

Thanks in advance

hey mate , i haven't read all replies but maybe message the league and ask them to send an observer down to a game .......this is and has been a massive problem and adults really , really should know better , if they cant behave themselves then they fine the club involved or deduct points ......alternatively spark the fuckers out.

 

[Questions]

The league refs can't do anything about the crowd but they can about players and most of the time they don't which is the behaviour that filters down to grassroots players and how they believe they can get away with the same behaviour.

Refs in the premier are scared and it’s down to the law makers. Dissent could be cleared in a season for example.

 

[Oh_aye]

How do I play this? My 14 year old refereeing son has just left the field of play virtually in tears after receiving shit loads of criticism from both coaches this morning in a kids match.

Do I a) get him to dust himself down, encourage him to take it on the chin, tell him how he’s doing a great job under difficult circumstances (I.e working with 2 unqualified sometimes bias linos) and remind him how proud we are of him while still learning his trade doing an important role in a game he loves, and teach him the value of toughening up and taking the rough with the smooth.

or

b) email the league and tell them to shove it up their arses, it’s not worth the fuckin aggro.?

I’m 56 years old I’m seriously learning towards option b)

Is option a) a better choice?

Thanks in advance

Both I think. The coaches definitely need blowing up. Or they'll just keep doing it.

 

[Kinky Gerbil]

Thought this would sit nicely here

Absolute weapons on the sidelines

 

[Peacehaven Wild Kids]

Thought this would sit nicely here

Absolute weapons on the sidelines

Thank you, yes, this message needs repeating constantly.
On a personal level this season things have been better but I have paid closer to the proceedings (as opposed to walking the dog, going for a cup of coffee)
One incident he did report was Gatwick Warriors FC playing down at Telscombe (my wife was there I was working)
The abuse he got, when explaining it to me said he thought they were pissed (a10a.m kick off) as there seemed no other logical explanation.
The home team also reported them to the league, but we haven’t heard anything.

Anyhoo he’s had a couple of good matches on the bounce and also a new found love of vinyl
so he puts up with shit as he now regularly puts his match fee over the counter at Resident Records the following day

 

[Commander]

Have to say I've never really witnessed this in kids football yet. We are only at under 11's I guess. I've seen the coaches squaring up to other coaches / parents but apart from the odd shouting appeal to the ref for a penalty or something, I haven't really seen any abuse.

Like with many things in football (diving, time-wasting etc) if the authorities really cared, and really wanted it eradicated, they could do it very quickly. I think it's too much to expect a 14 year old to red card fully grown male coaches and abandon the game if he's getting abused, but if he was getting abused then once the game has finished and he's gone home away from the coaches and parents, he should just be able to award a 3-0 victory to the opposition. They'd find out later that day and there wouldn't need to be a confrontation on the pitch or after the game. It would stop fairly quickly once teams started losing every game.

 

[Han Solo]

I've said it before:

any manager, player or pundit blaming referees for their own failures should be banned from football for a long time. During this time they should not only be banned from games, but also training sessions.

During the ban, the manager/player/pundit will work as a youth referee to a) develop human understanding of refereeing and b) compensate for everything they ruin.