[Humour] Names you give people, as a term of endearment.

[SIMMO SAYS]

The fellas that sit directly around me in East Upper all have names I have given them.
Taxi Man - Tile Man - Old Man - Random Man.

Random Man sits directly next to me.
He has been either a youngster/teenager/twenty something right the way through to older than me(63)
Without fail most Randoms never come back to watch the second half.
I have no clue why this is

 

[super-seagulls]

Someone told me Jurgen Klopp has a son called Clip

It would be great if his middle name is ertey!

 

[BN9 BHA]

At Withdean myself and 2 friends had nicknames for some of the fans around us.
Mr Crisps- always opened a bag of crisps at half time.
Wiggy- dodgy haircut that looked like a wig.
Maskell- looked like Craig Maskell.
John Cleese- looked like him.
Zola- looked a bit like him.

Everyone else must have been normal or didn't look like a footballer or Fawlty Towers actor

Edit- I've seen John Cleese and Wiggy at the Amex.

 

[Knocky's Nose]

Where I work we have 'Misery Big Tits' because she's always got a face like she's just dropped a tenner after finding a pound coin - and her.. yes... you guessed it. I'm sure she's a nice girl under all that.

We have 'Dave the Bear' as a lovely customer (he really is a smashing bloke) - who is 20 stone, 6 foot 3, has a massive moustache, shaved head, size 14 feet - and is as gay as a box of frogs.

I deal with a bloke in his early 50's who has a permanent five o'clock shadow, is slim, has very dark hair and is always chasing the ladies. We call him 'Quagmire'

Plenty more... but it'd get boring.

 

[Baldseagull]

Back in the day my parents were friends with a guy with one arm, you don't need me to tell what his nickname was.

Andy?
Bandit?
Hand Solo?
Chay Blyth?

 

[Razzoo]

Andy?
Bandit?
Hand Solo?
Chay Blyth?

Ok, he was Bandit

 

[Big_Unit]

The fellas that sit directly around me in East Upper all have names I have given them.

We have our own version of that in the North Stand. There's a 'gentlemen of larger build' we know as Terry Two-Blokes. There's also Pauly Walnuts, Babs, Mungo, Ratty and Mole...

It does lead to weird conversations in the pub.

"Albion Saturday?"

"Yes mate."

"Was Mole there? Not seen him for ages..."

 

[vegster]

At my allotment site there are deliveries of fresh uncomposted stable manure which is free to the plotholders.... There are a husband and wife that collect the actual individual horse turds out barehanded and leave the straw... They are known as the Nugget Miners.

 

[Normal Rob]

There's a fella of slight stature who drinks in my mums pub. His eyes are quite close together. My mum doesn't like the 'shit eyed rat'

 

[Thunder Bolt]

One of my in law's neighbours knew everybody's business, and told everyone else. He was known as 'News of the World'.

 

[Grombleton]

An old boss of mine was getting in the way of everyone in the shop warehouse I used to work in. He was also know for being a bit of a dick.

One day, he came in after a week or so off and had grown out his facial hair. From that day on, he was referred to as 'Bluto'.

 

[neilbard]

Someone told me Jurgen Klopp has a son called Clip

and a daughter called clippity.

 

[Whitechapel]

My best mate has a laundry list of nicknames. And as he’ll more than likely see this post I’ll save it to then nicer ones.

Default 4 - Because his hair used to look like it had came straight out of a “create a character” menu from a video game.
The Herbivore - Bevause he once took a massive bite out of a potted plant in a pub
DCI - Because after finding out his old mans car had its tyres slashed overnight decided he’d text me to see if I had “seen anything suspicious” despite me living half a mile away.


Some other favourites for other people

Knees - because he always wears ripped jeans
Jeff the Deaf - because he had massive ears but you had to say everything twice
Mental Jake - because he was on antipsychotic meds that he used to crush up and sniff.
Opie- Girl at work who always shouts out random stuff like the Family Guy character
Dirty, Filthy, Vermin scum - He’s a palace fan.

 

[Blue3]

I call my friend Dirty Barry, because he’s dirty and his name’s Barry.

Mrs Blue3 and I refer a couple we know as Dirty Barry and Hairy Helen when they are not in ear shot although we have had a couple of close shaves when talking to others some of whom are related to them

 

[Brovion]

and a daughter called clippity.

It's spelt Klipperty actually. Or is she one of the Kardashians?

 

[Blue3]

A couple of friends of our boy when they were teenagers one worked on the Sainsburys deli counter his nick name was fiddler as he was always seemed to have his hand down inside the front of his trousers, another lad was forever I'll sneezing snotty dirty finger nails everyone even his mum and dad called him Septic having said that he had a heart of gold and ended up marrying a stunning girl who's Father was minted

 

[Blue3]

I had an apprentice working for me who would drop me himself anyone in it at the time Black Adder was on TV and one episode Edmond was supposed to sail to the Americas but didn't want to so he hid in a large trunk and told Baldric that when the Queens minister came he was tell him that Edmund had already left for the Americas however in walks Malchet and says where is your master Baldric just says he's in the box my lord dropping Edmund right in it, as such the Apprentice was forever known as Baldric it became so standard that when he left the company's employment several years later no one and I mean no one could remember his real name

 

[crodonilson]

Mrs Blue3 and I refer a couple we know as Dirty Barry and Hairy Helen when they are not in ear shot although we have had a couple of close shaves when talking to others some of whom are related to them

There is a lovely lady who comes in the Ship who is known as Handjob Helen, not a name we have christened her with but the name she appears as on her bluetooth.

 

[SIMMO SAYS]

Just remembered 'tattooed bird' in
North and her 'mouthy bloke' boyfriend

 

[Harry Wilson's tackle]

There is a scene from the TV series Brass Eye (or it could be The Day Today), where a woman is chatting to a newspaper seller (played by Steve Coogan if I remember rightly). As they part (this is possibly inaccurate, but it is near enough), she says 'night night, you shitter' and he replies 'night night, you big hairy cock'.

I always though that was quite funny, and a mate of mine sometimes departs with 'night night, you big hairy cock' which always puts a smile on my face.

I called someone a 'big hairy cock' on NSC some years ago, obviously in jest, for low comedy value, but unfortunately it was taken the wrong way.