[Misc] Mildly embarrassing

[CheeseRolls]

I thought this was going to go bending over distractions, whilst attempting to work, but no straight round the u-bend.

 

[Tom Hark Preston Park]

 

[Easy 10]

Clearly I laid some fertile ground for all the shit gags.

Anyhoo, it looks like my kindly (hired) neighbours will be more or less done today, save for the downstairs loo which he said he'll come back and do on Monday. He's asked to be paid cash in hand (tax-dodger alert), but I'll probably chuck in a bottle of gin as well, being as its a very decent job along with some minor repairs I didn't ask for, but which he's gone and done anyway along the way at no extra cost (rattley door handle, new sticky film over the small front door window, filled a few holes). Basically stuff I couldn't be arsed with.

Jobs a goodun, other than the fact that my near-neighbours now know what a catastrophic arse I have.

 

[Guinness Boy]

You'll never look back. Trust me

 

[Easy 10]

View attachment 135901

You'll never look back. Trust me

Looks a tad chunky. Might need some lube.

 

[Bry Nylon]

Anyhoo, it looks like my kindly (hired) neighbours will be more or less done today, save for the downstairs loo which he said he'll come back and do on Monday.

I suppose that gives him the weekend to source a canary.

 

[essbee1]

Yeah, but can anyone beat a blocked toilet with floaters in a unisex (emphasis on unisex) Polish youth hostel that used to be army camp.

 

[Easy 10]

I suppose that gives him the weekend to source a canary.

My cockatiel has survived the fallout. He's quite often perched on my shoulder whilst I've been curling out a Vince.

Devoted little chap that he is.

 

[KZNSeagull]

Standard etiquette would dictate that the downstairs loo should only be used for number 1's unless in an emergency to avoid this exact scenario. Standards are obviously slipping

 

[Guinness Boy]

Looks a tad chunky. Might need some lube.

Actually I wonder if you might be the face of their new ad campaign.

........
Easy 10 is in the downstairs Kermit, cockatiel on shoulder, sitting upon the throne.

Easy: Christ. Thank **** for that, I was touching cloth.
*sound of bouncing bomb exploding in water*
Easy: Jesus! (turns to camera). Fellas - have you ever curled out a Vince and had this happen?
Cut to shot of cockatiel flying manically for the khazi door. Then cut to shot of Mrs Easy stumbling about, eyes watering and coughing profusely.
*doorbell rings*
Neighbour yells through the letterbox "Blimey Easy, that's worse than that time that Doris dropped her hat in the lift".

Cut to shot of Easy holding aloft the VI Poo product.

"Well, if your Dougie's are as bad as mine, simply spray before you unload"

Shot of Easy spraying the porcelain, another bouncing bomb sound effect and the sound of a chain being flushed.
Cut to shot of cockatiel perching merrily upon the shoulder without a care in the world and Mrs Easy pouring your 3pm "eye opener" with a loving grin.

VI Poo - nothing else will do

Large disclaimer on screen: Not to be used internally.

I might send that to Saatchi and Saatchi. Have you got an agent?

 

[el punal]

So now your neighbours call you “The Cable Guy”.

 

[WATFORD zero]

Actually I wonder if you might be the face of their new ad campaign.

........
Easy 10 is in the downstairs Kermit, cockatiel on shoulder, sitting upon the throne.

Easy: Christ. Thank **** for that, I was touching cloth.
*sound of bouncing bomb exploding in water*
Easy: Jesus! (turns to camera). Fellas - have you ever curled out a Vince and had this happen?
Cut to shot of cockatiel flying manically for the khazi door. Then cut to shot of Mrs Easy stumbling about, eyes watering and coughing profusely.
*doorbell rings*
Neighbour yells through the letterbox "Blimey Easy, that's worse than that time that Doris dropped her hat in the lift".

Cut to shot of Easy holding aloft the VI Poo product.

"Well, if your Dougie's are as bad as mine, simply spray before you unload"

Shot of Easy spraying the porcelain, another bouncing bomb sound effect and the sound of a chain being flushed.
Cut to shot of cockatiel perching merrily upon the shoulder without a care in the world and Mrs Easy pouring your 3pm "eye opener" with a loving grin.

VI Poo - nothing else will do

Large disclaimer on screen: Not to be used internally.

I might send that to Saatchi and Saatchi. Have you got an agent?

I do wonder (not for the first time), whether you've missed your vocation

 

[Easy 10]

Actually I wonder if you might be the face of their new ad campaign.

........
Easy 10 is in the downstairs Kermit, cockatiel on shoulder, sitting upon the throne.

Easy: Christ. Thank **** for that, I was touching cloth.
*sound of bouncing bomb exploding in water*
Easy: Jesus! (turns to camera). Fellas - have you ever curled out a Vince and had this happen?
Cut to shot of cockatiel flying manically for the khazi door. Then cut to shot of Mrs Easy stumbling about, eyes watering and coughing profusely.
*doorbell rings*
Neighbour yells through the letterbox "Blimey Easy, that's worse than that time that Doris dropped her hat in the lift".

Cut to shot of Easy holding aloft the VI Poo product.

"Well, if your Dougie's are as bad as mine, simply spray before you unload"

Shot of Easy spraying the porcelain, another bouncing bomb sound effect and the sound of a chain being flushed.
Cut to shot of cockatiel perching merrily upon the shoulder without a care in the world and Mrs Easy pouring your 3pm "eye opener" with a loving grin.

VI Poo - nothing else will do

Large disclaimer on screen: Not to be used internally.

I might send that to Saatchi and Saatchi. Have you got an agent?

A couple of times this week I've cultivated the beginnings of a turtles head, as the neighbour has been bumbling around in the hallway. I just KNOW the release will sound like a flock of pigeons taking off, and I don't particularly like advertising the fact that I'm in the throws of dealing with some barbarians at the gate. With that in mind, your VI Poo would be excellent if it could let off some kind of air-horn klaxon sound as its sprayed. I could use that during splashdown.

Could we patent something like that ?

 

[Guinness Boy]

A couple of times this week I've cultivated the beginnings of a turtles head, as the neighbour has been bumbling around in the hallway. I just KNOW the release will sound like a flock of pigeons taking off, and I don't particularly like advertising the fact that I'm in the throws of dealing with some barbarians at the gate. With that in mind, your VI Poo would be excellent if it could let off some kind of air-horn klaxon sound as its sprayed. I could use that during splashdown.

Could we patent something like that ?

Why not. This time next year we'll be millionaires.

 

[WATFORD zero]

A couple of times this week I've cultivated the beginnings of a turtles head, as the neighbour has been bumbling around in the hallway. I just KNOW the release will sound like a flock of pigeons taking off, and I don't particularly like advertising the fact that I'm in the throws of dealing with some barbarians at the gate. With that in mind, your VI Poo would be excellent if it could let off some kind of air-horn klaxon sound as its sprayed. I could use that during splashdown.

Could we patent something like that ?

Well that's Sales, Marketing, Product Development and Operations covered. All you need is someone who can add up numbers and you're in business - literally

 

[AmexRuislip]

One of our neighbours is a self employed painter and decorator, and gave us a very decent quote to paint our hallway, stairs and landing plus doors etc. I'm WFH so have been in the living room while he's been cracking on all week. Anyway he's running a bit behind, so he's drafted in his missus today to do the bannisters. As I type, she is outside the bedroom door, painting all the struts. We get on well and all, but I never really anticipated having our neighbours round to decorate our house. Feels weird.

Added to that, I unleashed a shocking U-boat in the downstairs loo first thing this morning, and actually went a little light-headed at the pungent stench that engulfed me. I'd barely finished cleaning up when him and his doris were knocking at the front door earlier than scheduled. There was certainly still something hanging in the air, and not only that, he only went and started painting the frame of the toilet door.

None of us actually mentioned anything. But now my neighbours know my natural scent.

They know.

Were there any depth charges launched afterwards to try and sink the U-Boat

 

[Easy 10]

Were there any depth charges launched afterwards to try and sink the U-Boat

Not on this occasion. But it is not unheard of for me to wield an improvised Crapscalibur, in order to 'break the back of the beast'.

 

[AmexRuislip]

Not on this occasion. But it is not unheard of for me to wield an improvised Crapscalibur, in order to 'break the back of the beast'.

 

[Bry Nylon]

"Next into the den are [MENTION=70]Easy 10[/MENTION] and [MENTION=616]Guinness Boy[/MENTION]. They are offering 5% equity in return for a £50'000 investment in their revolutionary air freshener that emits a maritime-grade siren blast so nobody knows you're having a shit."

A couple of times this week I've cultivated the beginnings of a turtles head, as the neighbour has been bumbling around in the hallway. I just KNOW the release will sound like a flock of pigeons taking off, and I don't particularly like advertising the fact that I'm in the throws of dealing with some barbarians at the gate. With that in mind, your VI Poo would be excellent if it could let off some kind of air-horn klaxon sound as its sprayed. I could use that during splashdown.

Could we patent something like that ?

 

[AmexRuislip]

Not on this occasion. But it is not unheard of for me to wield an improvised Crapscalibur, in order to 'break the back of the beast'.

Whilst I was in the RAF, I learnt certain terminologies, such as:

Opening the bomb bay doors.
Nudging a nuke.
Reliving a Dambuster moment.

All very funny