[Misc] Midlife crisis

[Happy Exile]

Age has never bothered me at all, I actually enjoy getting older though for various reasons I don't particularly mark my birthday beyond what I have to do so Mini-Exile doesn't think it's weird when she celebrates hers. I reach 50 in a few weeks though and I'm really, really noticing that the midlife crisis - or as a mate calls it "midlife re-evaluation" is a very real thing for some of us despite me being cynical about it before and not believing it'd happen to me.

I've not gone to get a motorbike or run off with a younger woman or got any regrettable tattoos (yet) but there's definitely an awareness, not morbid though, that I've never had before that time is running down and I've lived most of my life now - a poet, Charles Wright, talks about "one day more is one day less" and I feel that. Not in a depressed way at all, just recognising it and a very strong feeling that I need to do something more with the time left than I have done with the past, say, 10 years (like maybe I should get a motorbike, run off with a younger woman and get some regrettable tattoos).

Also noticing things like I bought a lightbulb yesterday that will almost certainly last longer than I will. I still use the snooker cue I got for my 21st birthday and it's still fine, but I'm treating myself to a nicer one for my 50th and I know on that basis that'll probably outlast me too. Again, it's not morbid, I find that idea of continuity of things reassuring and comforting. I totally understand now why some people I've worked with in the past have reached 50 and older and suddenly started talking about needing to find purpose, or looking for charitable "legacy" work, or thrown everything up in the air and almost started again much more content having rebooted and reshaped their lives.

In the next 3 years Mini Exile will leave home, I'll move house very likely to the one I'll stay in until I can retire at 67 and probably beyond then too, maybe forever, shortly after that it'll be my silver wedding anniversary...there are so many life moments I remember my parents having and them seeming abstract to me that are now becoming my moments.

So wise people of NSC, now I've learned my cynicism of midlife crisis/re-evaluation was misguided, what if anything did you find in your 50s that was common among your peers so I can be ready for it? (And I'll be disappointed if at least some of the answers aren't taking the mickey.)

 

[The Optimist]

Not at 50 yet (44). One comment from my mum comes to mind about her and my dad reaching retirement age - she was very aware that she’d reached the final stage of life. At every other point before there was something different to come in the future. Like you she wasn’t upset by it just aware of it.

 

[Chicken Run]

Age has never bothered me at all, I actually enjoy getting older though for various reasons I don't particularly mark my birthday beyond what I have to do so Mini-Exile doesn't think it's weird when she celebrates hers. I reach 50 in a few weeks though and I'm really, really noticing that the midlife crisis - or as a mate calls it "midlife re-evaluation" is a very real thing for some of us despite me being cynical about it before and not believing it'd happen to me.

I've not gone to get a motorbike or run off with a younger woman or got any regrettable tattoos (yet) but there's definitely an awareness, not morbid though, that I've never had before that time is running down and I've lived most of my life now - a poet, Charles Wright, talks about "one day more is one day less" and I feel that. Not in a depressed way at all, just recognising it and a very strong feeling that I need to do something more with the time left than I have done with the past, say, 10 years (like maybe I should get a motorbike, run off with a younger woman and get some regrettable tattoos).

Also noticing things like I bought a lightbulb yesterday that will almost certainly last longer than I will. I still use the snooker cue I got for my 21st birthday and it's still fine, but I'm treating myself to a nicer one for my 50th and I know on that basis that'll probably outlast me too. Again, it's not morbid, I find that idea of continuity of things reassuring and comforting. I totally understand now why some people I've worked with in the past have reached 50 and older and suddenly started talking about needing to find purpose, or looking for charitable "legacy" work, or thrown everything up in the air and almost started again much more content having rebooted and reshaped their lives.

In the next 3 years Mini Exile will leave home, I'll move house very likely to the one I'll stay in until I can retire at 67 and probably beyond then too, maybe forever, shortly after that it'll be my silver wedding anniversary...there are so many life moments I remember my parents having and them seeming abstract to me that are now becoming my moments.

So wise people of NSC, now I've learned my cynicism of midlife crisis/re-evaluation was misguided, what if anything did you find in your 50s that was common among your peers so I can be ready for it? (And I'll be disappointed if at least some of the answers aren't taking the mickey.)

I’m 55 and i’ve noticed i’ve become very intolerant to other people’s selfishness, an example the other day, whilst walking the dog a car roared down the 20 mph street doing at least 40!!! I stood and stared and just shook my head!

 

[Gabbafella]

I'm approaching 50 (48 this year) and I know exactly what you mean.
I've become increasingly aware of just how little time I potentially have to do anything meaningful with my life, but at the same time thinking there's been billions upon billions of nobodies before me in history who have been through the same thing and history remembers none of them.
Unless you're one of the rare ones who genuinely does something remarkable like finding a cure for a disease, bringing back animals from the brink of extinction or discovering a new species on a distant planet then it's really only your immediate social circle and loved ones who will remember you and even that will probably only last a generation or two and then you'll be forgotten.
Pep talks possibly aren't my strongest talent.

 

[dazzer6666]

Had very similar feelings from about 50 onwards. I started very deliberately to plan to stop work early and by 54 I was out. I’m incredibly fully occupied now doing stuff I want to do. The way I see it that (statistically at least) gives me probably 15-20 years of having a very full and active life before I spend my days watching Bargain Hunt whilst dribbling soup down my vest.

 

[Herr Tubthumper]

You could buy a leather waistcoat and join @happypig learning to play guitar?

 

[Happy Exile]

Had very similar feelings from about 50 onwards. I started very deliberately to plan to stop work early and by 54 I was out. I’m incredibly fully occupied now doing stuff I want to do. The way I see it that (statistically at least) gives me probably 15-20 years of having a very full and active life before I spend my days watching Bargain Hunt whilst dribbling soup down my vest.

I think this is part of it - being consciously aware will help prevent drift and maybe lead to different outlets, where work can feel all-consuming otherwise if we let it. I’ve got no hope of being out by 54, but maybe if I start now I can be out sooner than 67.

 

[Happy Exile]

You could buy a leather waistcoat and join @happypig learning to play guitar?

A leather waistcoat you say?

 

[Iggle Piggle]

I got to 50 last year, got diagnosed with severe arthritis (my surgeon, a mate of mine, broke the news with the words "your shoulders are f***ed mate"), knackered my knee and have a favourite chair at the doctor's due to various other ailments.

Getting to 50 sucks balls.

 

[Herr Tubthumper]

A leather waistcoat you say?

Maybe grow a pony tail as well?

 

[Happy Exile]

Maybe grow a pony tail as well?

I guessing there’s a bad side to this suggestion too? It can’t all be this good?

 

[dazzer6666]

I got to 50 last year, got diagnosed with severe arthritis (my surgeon, a mate of mine, broke the news with the words "your shoulders are f***ed mate"), knackered my knee and have a favourite chair at the doctor's due to various other ailments.

Getting to 50 sucks balls.

That sucks. My dad had severe RA (from his early 40s)….wouldn’t happen now as medication for RA has changed but the stuff they put him on ultimately led to kidney failure (as well as ton of other issues) then 5 years of dialysis. Definitely a factor in my decision to quit work while I was still fit enough to do the stuff I want to do.

 

[papachris]

Already well past 50 (just turned 63). From my experience I think it's very important to think about what you want to do with the next part of your life. Certainly once children fly the nest you and Mrs should have a lot more free time to do the the things that you want to do in life. There might be some things you do individually and also some things you enjoy doing together. It's a great chance to be yourself. Embrace it, it can be the best time of your life when hopefully your brain and self still feels young even if your body isn't quite there.

 

[Happy Exile]

Already well past 50 (just turned 63). From my experience I think it's very important to think about what you want to do with the next part of your life. Certainly once children fly the nest you and Mrs should have a lot more free time to do the the things that you want to do in life. There might be some things you do individually and also some things you enjoy doing together. It's a great chance to be yourself. Embrace it, it can be the best time of your life when hopefully your brain and self still feels young even if your body isn't quite there.

Thank you. I’m very lucky that I’m still physically reasonably fit - the things I’ve done before that I know I’ll never do again for physical reasons I’m ok with (endurance sports), and there’s nothing, touch wood, I’m planning that I feel might be beyond me. What I want to avoid is what I’ve seen happen to too many people where they keep putting things off until they retire or the time is perfect, and when they get there find they can’t do it anymore. I’m very conscious of that.

 

[sydney]

I got to 50 last year, got diagnosed with severe arthritis (my surgeon, a mate of mine, broke the news with the words "your shoulders are f***ed mate"), knackered my knee and have a favourite chair at the doctor's due to various other ailments.

Getting to 50 sucks balls.

sounds like were in the same predicament.....59 this yr both shoulders rooted , double recon will mean at least 18 months off work which will drag us backwards financially , by the time I'm ready to come back ill be 60 at least having just had major surgery , not a good , employable prospect so for now I am soldiering on in constant discomfort , drinking too much and looking forward to next Christmas when I get 3 weeks off and can go on holiday again and give my body a rest , wishing the weeks away basically which is almost criminal , such is life currently....

 

[DJ NOBO]

Age has never bothered me at all, I actually enjoy getting older though for various reasons I don't particularly mark my birthday beyond what I have to do so Mini-Exile doesn't think it's weird when she celebrates hers. I reach 50 in a few weeks though and I'm really, really noticing that the midlife crisis - or as a mate calls it "midlife re-evaluation" is a very real thing for some of us despite me being cynical about it before and not believing it'd happen to me.

I've not gone to get a motorbike or run off with a younger woman or got any regrettable tattoos (yet) but there's definitely an awareness, not morbid though, that I've never had before that time is running down and I've lived most of my life now - a poet, Charles Wright, talks about "one day more is one day less" and I feel that. Not in a depressed way at all, just recognising it and a very strong feeling that I need to do something more with the time left than I have done with the past, say, 10 years (like maybe I should get a motorbike, run off with a younger woman and get some regrettable tattoos).

Also noticing things like I bought a lightbulb yesterday that will almost certainly last longer than I will. I still use the snooker cue I got for my 21st birthday and it's still fine, but I'm treating myself to a nicer one for my 50th and I know on that basis that'll probably outlast me too. Again, it's not morbid, I find that idea of continuity of things reassuring and comforting. I totally understand now why some people I've worked with in the past have reached 50 and older and suddenly started talking about needing to find purpose, or looking for charitable "legacy" work, or thrown everything up in the air and almost started again much more content having rebooted and reshaped their lives.

In the next 3 years Mini Exile will leave home, I'll move house very likely to the one I'll stay in until I can retire at 67 and probably beyond then too, maybe forever, shortly after that it'll be my silver wedding anniversary...there are so many life moments I remember my parents having and them seeming abstract to me that are now becoming my moments.

So wise people of NSC, now I've learned my cynicism of midlife crisis/re-evaluation was misguided, what if anything did you find in your 50s that was common among your peers so I can be ready for it? (And I'll be disappointed if at least some of the answers aren't taking the mickey.)

You‘re thinking and talking yourself into premature old age.
Don‘t do it!

 

[MTSeagulls]

I run off to Brazil at 54 and hit 60 back in November.
I never had any hobbies other than watching and going to football but since I got here I have a smallholding and started raising pigs and chickens. I'm not good at growing stuff the Mrs does that. I also now make smoked bacon, salamis and other charcuterie plus wines from different fruits. I took up fishing too which I enjoy.
I was never a car person but I suppose I went down the younger wife route in my mid forties (although I was already separated when I met my current wife) and I did a couple of tattoos.
I have no burning desires for any bucket list type of things, there were some countries I wanted to visit but that doesn't seem to bother me anymore.
I am aware of time running out as I am starting to get some arthritis in my hands and wrist., I already had some in my knee, but the warm climate reduces the effects a bit but it does feel as if my body is breaking down a bit, so this year I need to look after my health a bit better as I seem to be losing muscle, especially in my legs.
Family history suggests I have another 15 to 20 years which is not long at all really but I'm not panicking yet.

 

[bluenitsuj]

Age has never bothered me at all, I actually enjoy getting older though for various reasons I don't particularly mark my birthday beyond what I have to do so Mini-Exile doesn't think it's weird when she celebrates hers. I reach 50 in a few weeks though and I'm really, really noticing that the midlife crisis - or as a mate calls it "midlife re-evaluation" is a very real thing for some of us despite me being cynical about it before and not believing it'd happen to me.

I've not gone to get a motorbike or run off with a younger woman or got any regrettable tattoos (yet) but there's definitely an awareness, not morbid though, that I've never had before that time is running down and I've lived most of my life now - a poet, Charles Wright, talks about "one day more is one day less" and I feel that. Not in a depressed way at all, just recognising it and a very strong feeling that I need to do something more with the time left than I have done with the past, say, 10 years (like maybe I should get a motorbike, run off with a younger woman and get some regrettable tattoos).

Also noticing things like I bought a lightbulb yesterday that will almost certainly last longer than I will. I still use the snooker cue I got for my 21st birthday and it's still fine, but I'm treating myself to a nicer one for my 50th and I know on that basis that'll probably outlast me too. Again, it's not morbid, I find that idea of continuity of things reassuring and comforting. I totally understand now why some people I've worked with in the past have reached 50 and older and suddenly started talking about needing to find purpose, or looking for charitable "legacy" work, or thrown everything up in the air and almost started again much more content having rebooted and reshaped their lives.

In the next 3 years Mini Exile will leave home, I'll move house very likely to the one I'll stay in until I can retire at 67 and probably beyond then too, maybe forever, shortly after that it'll be my silver wedding anniversary...there are so many life moments I remember my parents having and them seeming abstract to me that are now becoming my moments.

So wise people of NSC, now I've learned my cynicism of midlife crisis/re-evaluation was misguided, what if anything did you find in your 50s that was common among your peers so I can be ready for it? (And I'll be disappointed if at least some of the answers aren't taking the mickey.)

I couldn't have written this better if I tried. Spot on. I am 52 next month.

 

[Change at Barnham]

I feel for you. Unfortunately in my experience it doesn't get any better.
I'm 63 and have struggled over the past 4 or 5 years with periods of wondering what it's all about.
If it wasn't for my family and friends and the distress it would cause them, at times I'd have happily flicked a switch to go to sleep (if it were that easy).
However, I've learned to know that it's only a passing phase and remind myself of that when I'm enjoying the good times.

"Life is amazing. And then it's awful. And then it's amazing again. And in between the amazing and awful it's ordinary and mundane and routine. Breathe in the amazing, hold on through the awful, and relax and exhale during the ordinary. That's just living heartbreaking, soul-healing, amazing, awful, ordinary life. And it's breathtakingly beautiful."

L.R. Knost

 

[Happy Exile]

You‘re thinking and talking yourself into premature old age.
Don‘t do it!

I think it’s the opposite - I’m recognising the value of time while also being aware it’s not infinite, and wanting to make the most of it