[Help] Marriage Split

[SeagullDubai]

Sorry to hear about your plight. Agree with most on here about taking legal advice. Believe it or not there is also a book called “Divorce for dummies” which has quite a lot of useful info. I went through several needless financial dispute hearings. To curtail this I started asking for and being awarded costs. Turned out to be an excellent deterrent.


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[dejavuatbtn]

Sorry to hear this. I’ve been there.
With mediation, both are expected to put all their cards on the table as a basis for making informed decisions. The results of mediation can be useful as if that side of the divorce go to court, the court will want to know what has been discussed and will consider how reasonable people have been, and if any non disclosures have been made then the court would consider them. Obviously best to agree, but make sure you know your rights, as what she thinks is fair, may not be. It’s a horrible process as your life to date gets completely ripped open and carved up, with many of your personal plans thrown out of the window. Try and make sure the kids are impacted as little as possible and try and deal with all the s**t out of sight and earshot.
I wish you well.

 

[Lenny Rider]

Sorry to hear your news old boy, never easy whatever the circumstances.

Couple of pointers which I hope will help, lip biting may be the order of the day in certain circumstances, you may feel you want to comment but some things are better left unsaid. Try not to have any dialogue, however civil in front of the kids, they never signed up for this so keep them out of it as much as you can.

The big one, which I've heard from so many mates, whatever has happened try and keep it as amicable as you can, and if possible don't use a solicitor, try and mediate and end with an agreeable financial settlement. I've lost count of the amount of mates who've effectively said" I got 25%, the wife got 45% and the solicitor got 30% of our money."

And please remember, chin, or if you 40 plus, chins up, bad things don't last forever.

Take care,

Harty

 

[Westdene Seagull]

Number 3 is terrible advice.

Utterly disagree. I have mates who spent more on solicitors than they got in the end. I used one for the 30 minutes 'freebie' and managed to deal with everything myself after that. There's also plenty of forums to help without the cost of a solicitor.

 

[Chicken Run]

Spend a couple of hundred quid and get some proper legal advice for yourself from a family law/divorce solicitor.

This, and through experience just because it’s amicable now doesn’t mean it will be next week, fascinating to know your wife isn’t good with money yet she thinks your financial offer is too low, someone is in her ear!


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[Lenny Rider]

This, and through experience just because it’s amicable now doesn’t mean it will be next week, fascinating to know your wife isn’t good with money yet she thinks your financial offer is too low, someone is in her ear!


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A huge factor, hell hath no fury etc, multiply that ten fold if they've got several other divorcees in their ears.

 

[Wrong-Direction]

Three of my mates have got married in the past 4 years, two of them are already over, one after only 3 months! Is marriage really worth it nowadays?

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[nwgull]

Utterly disagree. I have mates who spent more on solicitors than they got in the end. I used one for the 30 minutes 'freebie' and managed to deal with everything myself after that. There's also plenty of forums to help without the cost of a solicitor.

It's not about what you get now. When signing a legal agreement that will define how much you'll be paying to support your kids until they're 18 as well as protecting your future earnings and pension from your ex-wife, you want a solicitor acting for you to make sure you're not leaving yourself open to getting shafted.

They do get expensive if you let them carry out all your arguments and negotiations for you, but not if you just have them check through details and legally implement what you've informally agreed into a watertight financial settlement. My fees came to a total of just over 1K. Best money I ever spent considering how well things have gone for me financially in the 14 years since my divorce.

 

[nwgull]

Three of my mates have got married in the past 4 years, two of them are already over, one after only 3 months! Is marriage really worth it nowadays?

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No. There is literally no point in marriage unless you're particularly religious. It doesn't make your relationship any more secure. In fact I've seen a few cases where it has the opposite effect as there can be a tendency for people to stop making the effort once they're married.

 

[AlbionBro]

Sorry to hear this, way too much of this going on at present.

Try this as a starting point https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/family/ending-a-relationship/

As much as it may be very hard, I would let her go, but watch the finances very tightly, change passwords, etc.

I wish you well young man.

 

[AlbionBro]

This, and through experience just because it’s amicable now doesn’t mean it will be next week, fascinating to know your wife isn’t good with money yet she thinks your financial offer is too low, someone is in her ear!


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I would definitely agree with this.

 

[Insel affe]

Sorry to hear this, way too much of this going on at present.

Try this as a starting point https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/family/ending-a-relationship/

As much as it may be very hard, I would let her go, but watch the finances very tightly, change passwords, etc.

This, also just order new bank cards etc, it costs nowt and the numbers change etc, just for piece of mind.
I would probably even open a new bank account or change banks, it is easy now, they do all the work including transferring direct debits the works.


Oh, good luck.

I hope your children are ok, and keep reminding them it is not their fault, don't ever bad mouth your partner in front of them, no matter what the provocation, it will always come back and hurt you and them.

Don't play that game.
best wishes.

 

[HantsSeagull]

This, and through experience just because it’s amicable now doesn’t mean it will be next week, fascinating to know your wife isn’t good with money yet she thinks your financial offer is too low, someone is in her ear!


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This with bells on

 

[Gwylan]

In fact I've seen a few cases where it has the opposite effect as there can be a tendency for people to stop making the effort once they're married.

I've known three couples who have lived together for years, got married and were separated within three or four months - one of them in three weeks!

 

[Thunder Bolt]

This, and through experience just because it’s amicable now doesn’t mean it will be next week, fascinating to know your wife isn’t good with money yet she thinks your financial offer is too low, someone is in her ear!

That works in reverse too.

 

[AlbionBro]

That works in reverse too.

I have to say, the ladies tend to like a few bob.

I hope he can detach his emotions away from the wife and towards the future with his children and that includes finance. This will be a difficult task to complete, I wish him well.

 

[Motogull]

Hello All. Help needed from the vast experience on here. Looks like me and Mrs Badger are splitting up. We have 2 kids, mortgage etc. I pay for most stuff but she does have a pretty well paid part time job but she's not great with money.

I wanted to know if anyone has any advice on where to start with all this, pit falls to avoid etc... I have listed all my incomings outgoings etc. so I know where I am. I have offered to a fair amount more than the child support calculator says I would have to for my kids each month but My Mrs seems to think I should pay more. She wants to do something called Collaborative Family Law rather than mediation. We are being reasonable enough but I think she could turn nasty if she doesn’t get what she wants. I want to keep trying but she’s adamant that we split, I feel a bit lost, help please.

I'm sorry to hear this.

Stay calm and never concede any moral high ground.

 

[Thunder Bolt]

I have to say, the ladies tend to like a few bob.

I hope he can detach his emotions away from the wife and towards the future with his children and that includes finance. This will be a difficult task to complete, I wish him well.

I am the ‘lady’. My ex promised to look after his daughter (my son was already working) but he got his solicitor to point out my son was contributing towards his board & lodging, so I ended up with £15 a week.

Within 5 years my ex was bankrupt! Justice was done, but not at my hand.

 

[rigton70]

Three of my mates have got married in the past 4 years, two of them are already over, one after only 3 months! Is marriage really worth it nowadays?

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No.

 

[Weststander]

Sorry to hear that mate. Marriage breakups suck. But, although it might seem impossible to believe at the moment, it DOES get better. Very best advice I could give you is always be there for your kids. Even if a marriage/relationship doesn't always work out, your kids are your kids forever. Try and keep things as amicable as possible, and if it's not possible, at least try not to get into an extended slanging match via solicitors who will be happy to take your money all day long writing expensive and ultimately pointless letters. Good luck and take care

Spot on advice regarding the children, such moments can completely shape their future mental health and confidence in life.

Also regarding sides going down the adversarial route with solicitors, no matter how friendly a face they are as ‘Family Solicitors’. Time is money, every chat, letter, meeting or an office bod photocopying documents being clocked up a significant charge our rates .... I’ve seen eye watering bills.

Try to keep it amicable in reaching solutions, involve solicitors in say Mediation and finally in ensuring that the agreed settlements are rubber stamped.