[Misc] Man goes to hospital with a mortar up his bottom

[Robinjakarta]

Arsenal supporter?

 

[Jack Straw]

The firm he works for have fired him,they said he did not have the calibre.

Yes. He was given the bullet.

 

[Pavilionaire]

He sounds like one of those Suicide Bummers

 

[maffew]

Sounds like a complete WEAPON

 

[horshamite]

There's clearly mortar this than meets the eye.

 

[dangull]

I suspect he may not be being quite truthful with his explanation of the incident.

 

[clapham_gull]

Man goes to the doctors with a snake stuck up his backside.

The doctor says "yes this is very common sir. You firstly need to stick an apple up there, followed by an orange and finally a doughnut. Come back in a week."

The man follows the advice for a week, but still has a snake stuck up his backside and goes back to the doctors.

The doctor says "yes, this a very common complaint sir. But you need to follow my advice. You firstly need to stick an apple up there, followed by an orange and finally a doughnut."

After another week the snake is still stuck up his backside so he returns the doctor.

The doctor says "I'm sorry sir, but this is the only known cure. You firstly need to stick an apple up there, followed by an orange and finally a doughnut. Come back in a fortnight."

Two weeks go by and still the snake is stuck up his backside. The man very frustrated goes back to the doctor.

The doctor says "I'm sorry sir, but you have to be patient. You firstly need to stick an apple up there, followed by an orange. Come back tomorrow."

The man goes home and following the doctors advice, sticks an apple and an orange up his backside.

The snake springs out and says "Oi, where's my f******* doughnut?"

 

[BN9 BHA]

Not a sentence you probably thought you'd ever read

When I saw the thread title I was surprised the OP wasn’t Stat Brother

 

[Frutos]

When I saw the thread title I was surprised the OP wasn’t Stat Brother [emoji38]ol:

How rude.

 

[Is it PotG?]

Maybe he was simply trying to cement a new relationship.

 

[clapham_gull]

Those clever researchers at The Sun have tracked down the shell.

https://www.thesun.co.uk/news/16923295/bomb-squad-hospital-bottom-shell/

Nothing really phases me after a friend took me to a famous "paraphernalia" in Amsterdam.

After you'd got over the thought of pain, even I had to admit that the tooling of some of the equipment was amazing.

 

[el punal]

A man goes to his doctor and says “I’ve got a golf ball stuck up my arse”.

The doctor tells him to drop his trousers and pants and bend over, whereupon examining the man the doc exclaims “You’re right it is a golf ball and it’s gone up a fairway”.

Reverting back to the OP - Boom! Boom!

 

[Is it PotG?]

"Doctor, I've got a strawberry stuck up my bum." Doctor: "I've got some cream for that".

 

[Baldseagull]

Not a sentence you probably thought you'd ever read, but good for a Friday afternoon laugh!

https://www.bristolpost.co.uk/news/bristol-news/bomb-squad-called-gloucestershire-royal-6298076

Explosive Diarrhoea?

 

[lawros left foot]

Give the bloke a break.
He probably shelled out a lot of brass for that experience, and it ended up not being the blast he expected.

I don’t want to jump the gun, but I wouldn’t expect him to go another round with that thing. Although he could be a bit trigger happy and bite the bullet and give it another go.

 

[Raleigh Chopper]

Man goes to the doctors with a snake stuck up his backside.

The doctor says "yes this is very common sir. You firstly need to stick an apple up there, followed by an orange and finally a doughnut. Come back in a week."

The man follows the advice for a week, but still has a snake stuck up his backside and goes back to the doctors.

The doctor says "yes, this a very common complaint sir. But you need to follow my advice. You firstly need to stick an apple up there, followed by an orange and finally a doughnut."

After another week the snake is still stuck up his backside so he returns the doctor.

The doctor says "I'm sorry sir, but this is the only known cure. You firstly need to stick an apple up there, followed by an orange and finally a doughnut. Come back in a fortnight."

Two weeks go by and still the snake is stuck up his backside. The man very frustrated goes back to the doctor.

The doctor says "I'm sorry sir, but you have to be patient. You firstly need to stick an apple up there, followed by an orange. Come back tomorrow."

The man goes home and following the doctors advice, sticks an apple and an orange up his backside.

The snake springs out and says "Oi, where's my f******* doughnut?"

Typical of the service that GPs give today, shocking they just don't care and kept this poor bloke waiting for weeks with a snake up his arse.
The NHS is on its knees.
Tories out!

 

[Winker]

Being pedantic, that's not a mortar shell, it's an anti-tank shot. The 6pdr gun had a 57mm caliber.

British mortars were 2", 3" or 4.5".

 

[Motogull]

I'm glad he's okay, but if it had to go off, ideally on video with nobody nearby. On top of a christmas tree too pointing his aris towards a full moon.

 

[bhafc99]

Apparently it didn’t go off the first time, so he’s back at the doctors for ‘refusing’ treatment.

 

[clapham_gull]

Being pedantic, that's not a mortar shell, it's an anti-tank shot. The 6pdr gun had a 57mm caliber.

British mortars were 2", 3" or 4.5".

Length isn't everything.