Life, And What To Do When You're Fed Up With Yours

[RandyWanger]

Too young to be feeling like that, you've still got 9 more years left in you ;-)
Go travel, you'll love it and what's important in life will reveal its self. Not a cowards way out at all.
If not, have you though about doing a winter or summer season? Get drunk, have lots of sex, have fun. Your sales background will help out if you're a rep.

 

[Seagull58]

Can I PM you to ask you lots of questions?!

Yes sure. I should add that I'm not teaching despite my advice on teaching English abroad.

 

[BigGully]

Basically, I'm 31 years old and utterly fed up with what passes for my life. I'm stuck in a job/sector that holds no particular interest for me and certainly gives me no incentive to go to work each day, yet I'm basically not qualified to do anything else. I'm in a relationship that's lasted for 3 years without really going anywhere, and honestly I'm not sure whether it ever will yet I'm also too insecure and frankly afraid of being even more alone and isolated than is currently the case to risk ending it. In a nutshell I'm sick of my life just drifting along and passing me by with no particular purpose to any of it, I'm just not sure what to do about it.

The thought occurs to me to just jack it all in and spend my savings travelling for a while, in the hope that I'll find something or somewhere or someone or whatever that's right for me, but is that just taking the coward's way out and running away from my problems rather than actually dealing with them? Maybe I should try to find a new job, except I'm stuck in the same situation I've been in as long as I can remember of not knowing what I want to do with my life and as noted earlier I'm probably past the stage of being qualified to do anything except what I already do.

I don't really know exactly where or when it all went wrong for me, I just want to find the right way of somehow salvaging it all. Any advice or tips or whatever from those with any kind of pertinent experience will be gratefully received.

To be fair, I am not sure that description of life differs from many on here.

I have a theory that at some stage we all derive a default position, happy, melancholy, stressed etc its engrained in our personality, character, soul and no matter what lifes delivers to us we cannot help but try to get back to that position.

I am luck mine is happy, so no matter what, I will somehow find a way to scramble back to my default position which is nearly exclusively happy, where if some friends have a similar magnitude of events, experiences or issues they will no matter what usually end up rationalising it in a way that will get them to their own default position.

Not sure if this helps, makes sense or what but in the end you will be where your personality has been throughout your adult life, but if you can get a few years of laughter then go for it.

 

[mattislost]

spunking all of my money on going travelling for 7 months was the best thing i ever did. just wish it could have gone on longer!

 

[Codner pharmaceuticals]

Well done for getting to this point and realising you are not as happy as you could be. Having insight is a key difference between drifting on forever and doing something about it.

The toughest part is deciding what you want and what would make you happy. Is it a family, money, job, vocation fulfillment? Once you can pin point one or two aspects to achieve then you can focus on these and go all out to achieve them.

Just to reiterate some of the advice and give you some of my own ideas to take or leave.
- Put down the phone / ipad and give up the timewasting on social media (NSC excepted) - it really eats time and creates a vicious cycle of feeling unfulfilled
- Exercise - run or walk or cycle to free your mind and be able to think
- Make sure you are not drinking too much - try a few days midweek without alcohol to improve your thinking / sleep
- 31 is nothing - travel, go back to university whatever - get what you need to achieve what you want above
- Speak to your GF about it - and your friends - you'll be surprised by the results. It will work things out

Just start making small changes now and these will make a big difference in time.

 

[KZNSeagull]

Yes sure. I should add that I'm not teaching despite my advice on teaching English abroad.

Oh are you not? No need for a PM then, thanks! It is something that me and the Mrs are looking at - who did you train through? Or have you never trained to teach English overseas?

 

[Wilko]

One of my best friends has been teaching in Kuala Lumpur for a year after 15 years teaching in the Netherlands and one disastrous year teaching back in the UK. He is really enjoying the teaching and the lifestyle. I went out there for 10 days in May and had a great time. I reckon you will enjoy it.

Cheers! May even be at the same school then? It looks a really exciting prospect, I am glad you enjoyed it there too.

 

[Nibble]

31 is no age. Take those savings and travel, there'll be opportunities out there you hadn't even thought of.

This quite inspires me when I feel trapped, source unknown:

You'd better make the time to create the life you want or someday you'll be spending a LOT of time dealing with one you don't want.


Good luck Frutos!

 

[ofco8]

To be fair, I am not sure that description of life differs from many on here.

I have a theory that at some stage we all derive a default position, happy, melancholy, stressed etc its engrained in our personality, character, soul and no matter what lifes delivers to us we cannot help but try to get back to that position.

I am luck mine is happy, so no matter what, I will somehow find a way to scramble back to my default position which is nearly exclusively happy, where if some friends have a similar magnitude of events, experiences or issues they will no matter what usually end up rationalising it in a way that will get them to their own default position.

Not sure if this helps, makes sense or what but in the end you will be where your personality has been throughout your adult life, but if you can get a few years of laughter then go for it.

Strangely, I was thinking exactly the same. We read theses posts, sometimes add to them and occasionally start a new thread.
How many of us have our own problems and issues that don't come to the surface but we grin and bear and carry on. Like the OP I have something bugging me at present, a paranoid, possessive, jealous daughter in law who is doing her up most to destroy the family. However, we must all get on with life and await for tides to turn, which they eventually will.,

 

[Vegas Seagull]

Apply for and get the Lidl managers job on Shoreham coast road and accelerate your career to a new level.
Forget travel, people go further to places less interesting than Rome & beaches less attractive than Sardinia when you can see those every summer and fund a fortnight in Cuba etc every winter
Good luck

 

[Triggaaar]

Basically, I'm 31 years old and utterly fed up with what passes for my life. I'm stuck in a job/sector that holds no particular interest for me and certainly gives me no incentive to go to work each day, yet I'm basically not qualified to do anything else. I'm in a relationship that's lasted for 3 years without really going anywhere, and honestly I'm not sure whether it ever will yet I'm also too insecure and frankly afraid of being even more alone and isolated than is currently the case to risk ending it. In a nutshell I'm sick of my life just drifting along and passing me by with no particular purpose to any of it, I'm just not sure what to do about it.

Have a baby.

 

[Return of the Rev]

Basically, I'm 31 years old and utterly fed up with what passes for my life. I'm stuck in a job/sector that holds no particular interest for me and certainly gives me no incentive to go to work each day, yet I'm basically not qualified to do anything else. I'm in a relationship that's lasted for 3 years without really going anywhere, and honestly I'm not sure whether it ever will yet I'm also too insecure and frankly afraid of being even more alone and isolated than is currently the case to risk ending it. In a nutshell I'm sick of my life just drifting along and passing me by with no particular purpose to any of it, I'm just not sure what to do about it.

The thought occurs to me to just jack it all in and spend my savings travelling for a while, in the hope that I'll find something or somewhere or someone or whatever that's right for me, but is that just taking the coward's way out and running away from my problems rather than actually dealing with them? Maybe I should try to find a new job, except I'm stuck in the same situation I've been in as long as I can remember of not knowing what I want to do with my life and as noted earlier I'm probably past the stage of being qualified to do anything except what I already do.

I don't really know exactly where or when it all went wrong for me, I just want to find the right way of somehow salvaging it all. Any advice or tips or whatever from those with any kind of pertinent experience will be gratefully received.

Lots of great advice but decide want you want rather than what works for other people,my life changed for the better at your age so with a bit of luck you could end up like me If you have your health thats one huge bonus.Good luck fella and hope things work out for you.

 

[Seagull58]

Oh are you not? No need for a PM then, thanks! It is something that me and the Mrs are looking at - who did you train through? Or have you never trained to teach English overseas?

No, I never personally trained but I've got a couple of friends who are qualified teachers and teach overseas. My hairdresser in Joburg went off to Thailand for 6 months and then she went back there to teach English. I don't think she had any qualification though. I realised my original post might have been slightly misleading!

 

[5mins-from-amex]

My release from the mundane ins and outs of life are my hobbies, if I am feeling stressed I go fishing, if I am bouncing of the walls at home out I go on my mountain bike, i always have a old car restoration project in the garage, play computer games, the ALBION! but the best release i get is playing my guitar! its hard to explain but you kind of lose yourself in whatever style of music you are playing i love it.

But that's just me married with two young kids so i don't really have the option of upping sticks and traveling, But if i could i would be on that plane quicker than you can say, the Minor Pentatonic Scale

 

[jameswestport]

sigh

 

[Papa Lazarou]

Earlier in the week I was feeling very down about life in general - not really down, just flat.

However, for some reason I'm feeling a lot happier now - although that doesn't remove my general dissatisfaction with the way modern life is 'structured'.

 

[Lankyseagull]

Things can change.

Eight years ago I was single, lived on my own, the recession was really biting my Company to the point where month on month I did not know if I would be paid. I was tightening my belt by giving up things like gym membership and going down the pub (kept my BHAFC season ticket though). I had a small circle of friends and going home to an empty flat at the end of each day was getting more and more depressing.

At a real low point an opportunity presented itself and I'm so glad I said 'yes', as that decision changed my life completely.

Today, I've been married now for two years and have an amazing 16 month old boy. My Company is going from strength to strength, I have a great social life with a large group of friends and of course the Albion seem to be on the up again!

Sometimes you have to take the courage of your convictions and do things that are outside of your comfort zone otherwise nothing changes. Fortune favours the brave.

 

[Wilko]

Sorry to sound a bit harsh but I've never understand why people say they are stuck in a rut, stuck in a relationship they do not want to be in or in a no end job. The answer really is obvious - change it.

3 years ago I was in a teaching job that I enjoyed but the college itself was going no where and had just spectacularly failed OFSTED. I decided to work abroad, took a job in Kenya and I am still there now, I traveled to over 10 countries in Africa already. Starting to get itchy feet and so tomorrow I am interviewing for a job in Malaysia.

I have always been similar in relationships too, if you see no future and it is heading no where - GET OUT. It is going to fail eventually and life is too short to stay with someone when you know it is futile.

The reality is, only you can change it. Life is about taking risks, I have jumped off the high board a lot and gambled, no regrets. This time tomorrow I could be finding out I move to Malaysia, I could regret moving from Kenya but so what? Life is a ll about change and experience. It is the gambling in life that makes it a buzz, maybe that is what you need!

Sorry for the slightly self-important post but I got the job, next August I move to Malaysia. I cannot tell you just what an absolute buzz it is to do something like this. For those of you that are considering moving abroad for a year or two, my simple advice - DO IT.

 

[Paul Reids Sock]

Sorry to read you are pretty down Frutos.

I've read some of the advice on here and it all makes sense. But like a lot of people say, it is what will make sense for you.

I have gone through a fair few of those times, I had a dead end job that I hated, but had to stay in it as my girlfriend was made redundant and we had a young son. That was 5 years ago and I got one bit of luck that changed that, I ended up in a new role basically as a business analyst. It wasn't everyone’s cup of tea but it is the perfect role for me. I was only 21 when my son was born so never got to do the travelling and didn't end up finishing uni. I've now just been offered and accepted a job at a better company with prospects that also offer trips abroad as an incentive if you become a high performer. Added to this, me and the now wife have agreed that we are going to go travelling when the mini man is at uni, we will only be late thirties so will be fine to do it then. My mum and step dad have just come back from 8 months in South America and they are in their sixties so there is plenty of time to do it no matter what you decide now.

In essence, rather than this being a 'oh haven't things worked out great for me' post. It's more a case of keeping your head up because that bit of luck will come. It may come with no effort or it may be something that you do that brings it on. You wouldn't post these feelings on a forum after just a bad day so maybe make your own luck. If things aren't great with the Mrs then have the chat and see if she wants to travel as well. She might not want to but why don't you? But, if she does, it could be the making of your relationship. So many people do it and two of my friends have met their wives whilst travelling. It's a great experience and you will meet a lot of great people. You will also always be able to come home whenever you want. Maybe look at some charities or football coaching abroad?

After that I would try and come back and get into a large company. From my experience water companies are great mainly because there is so much you can do. Once you are through the door you can look around at all the stuff they do and see if you like it. Most will then pay for your training to get you into a job that you like. My company paid for my training and I am now a Process Manager - it some peoples idea of hell, but I love it and wouldn't do another job. They aren’t always great with pay but it is enough to survive and gives you a chance to try things without the risk. You can then find something and even leave to do it somewhere else for more money.

Hope it all works out mate and no matter what you choose keep us updated.

 

[Deleted member 2719]

Basically, I'm 31 years old and utterly fed up with what passes for my life. I'm stuck in a job/sector that holds no particular interest for me and certainly gives me no incentive to go to work each day, yet I'm basically not qualified to do anything else. I'm in a relationship that's lasted for 3 years without really going anywhere, and honestly I'm not sure whether it ever will yet I'm also too insecure and frankly afraid of being even more alone and isolated than is currently the case to risk ending it. In a nutshell I'm sick of my life just drifting along and passing me by with no particular purpose to any of it, I'm just not sure what to do about it.

The thought occurs to me to just jack it all in and spend my savings travelling for a while, in the hope that I'll find something or somewhere or someone or whatever that's right for me, but is that just taking the coward's way out and running away from my problems rather than actually dealing with them? Maybe I should try to find a new job, except I'm stuck in the same situation I've been in as long as I can remember of not knowing what I want to do with my life and as noted earlier I'm probably past the stage of being qualified to do anything except what I already do.

I don't really know exactly where or when it all went wrong for me, I just want to find the right way of somehow salvaging it all. Any advice or tips or whatever from those with any kind of pertinent experience will be gratefully received.

I was probably the same age when the Ex Girlfriend pissed off with another guy, gutted for a short period as had been with her 10 years, to be honest it was going to nowhere city.

So i spent a few months gluging the i feel sorry for myself juice, as she left our home it opened up a new era in the life of Mouldy.
I had to get lodgers in to pay for the house etc, most of these were hand picked from the local pub, they paid my rent and shared my body, good therapy to make you feel better i reckon (short term).

Keep on the social scene it may take a few years you know what you want in a partner right now, so when you ready again go and get em!!

Although i know you feel the job is a big part of it i would go one step out a time assuming your partner is the biggest of the problems.

Best of luck deciding which is the best advice on the thread for you.