[Humour] Joke of the day

[Insel affe]

A PLANE IS ON ITS WAY TO TORONTO , WHEN A BLONDE IN ECONOMY CLASS GETS UP AND MOVES TO THE FIRST CLASS SECTION AND SITS DOWN.
THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT WATCHES HER DO THIS AND ASKS TO SEE HER TICKET.
SHE THEN TELLS THE BLONDE THAT SHE PAID FOR ECONOMY CLASS AND THAT SHE WILL HAVE TO SIT IN THE BACK.
THE BLONDE REPLIES, "I'M BLONDE, I'M BEAUTIFUL, I'M GOING TO TORONTO AND I'M STAYING RIGHT HERE."
THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT GOES INTO THE COCKPIT AND TELLS THE PILOT AND THE CO-PILOT THAT THERE IS A BLONDE BIMBO SITTING IN FIRST CLASS, THAT BELONGS IN ECONOMY AND WON'T MOVE BACK TO HER SEAT.
THE CO-PILOT GOES BACK TO THE BLONDE AND TRIES TO EXPLAIN THAT BECAUSE SHE ONLY PAID FOR ECONOMY SHE WILL HAVE TO LEAVE AND RETURN TO HER SEAT.
THE BLONDE REPLIES, "I'M BLONDE, I'M BEAUTIFUL, I'M GOING TO TORONTO AND I'M STAYING RIGHT HERE."
THE CO-PILOT TELLS THE PILOT THAT HE PROBABLY SHOULD HAVE THE POLICE WAITING WHEN THEY LAND TO ARREST THIS BLONDE WOMAN WHO WON'T LISTEN TO REASON.
THE PILOT SAYS, "YOU SAY SHE IS A BLONDE? I'LL
HANDLE THIS, I'M MARRIED TO A BLONDE. I SPEAK BLONDE."
HE GOES BACK TO THE BLONDE AND WHISPERS IN HER EAR, AND SHE SAYS, "OH, I'M SORRY." AND GETS UP AND GOES BACK TO HER SEAT IN ECONOMY.
THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT AND CO-PILOT ARE AMAZED AND ASKED HIM WHAT HE SAID TO MAKE HER MOVE WITHOUT ANY FUSS.
"I TOLD HER, 'FIRST CLASS ISN'T GOING TO TORONTO."

 

[Bodian]

This sounds unlikely. Does the plane land at Toronto, and the first-class passengers have to stay on - and then it flies to somewhere else? Although - if it's actually the case that 'first-class isn't going to Toronto', it must mean that they drop them off somewhere else first, before going on to Toronto for the others. But what is to stop a first-class passenger simply sneaking into economy class just before the first landing, so that they can continue to Toronto?

 

[Titanic]

@Bozza Did we lose the feature that converted posts in CAPS to mixed case during the forum software upgrade?

 

[SweatyMexican]

WHY ARE WE SHOUTING!?

 

[Icy Gull]

A duck goes into a bar, approaches the counter, and orders a sandwich
He says to the bartender 'listen, I'm a bricklayer on the construction site nearby, the works will last for some time and I'll be coming here every day around lunchtime for a sandwich , so think about some discount or something?
The bartender, shocked as he has never encountered a talking duck before- agrees to give the duck a small discount for his daily sandwiches.
The duck takes his sandwich, pays, thanks the bartender and goes out.
The bartender immediately calls his friend who owns a circus:
'listen, there's a talking duck coming to my bar, come tomorrow around lunchtime and see for yourself'. So the next day the circus owner waits in the bar and the duck goes in, jumps on the barstool and orders a sandwich.
The circus manager overcomes his awe and says:
'Hello sir, I'm a circus owner and I want to offer you a job. I can give you whatever money you want, plus a company car, a cell phone, best hotels, best women, whatever you want'.
The duck considers his offer for a moment and says:
'so you're a circus owner, right?'
'Right'
'And your circus is one of those big tents, right?'
'Right.'
'With a sandy arena in the middle?'
'Yes'
'And with rows of seats around?'
'Correct'
'So what the f*** you need a bricklayer for?

 

[jcdenton08]

This seems highly improbable. Ducks can’t talk.

 

[Icy Gull]

This seems highly improbable. Ducks can’t talk.

Maybe you have just been living a sheltered life

 

[Fignon's Ponytail]

This seems highly improbable. Ducks can’t talk.

or lay bricks. Eggs, yes...but not bricks.

 

[Eeyore]

Although her intellectual short-comings were exposed by the pilots yarn, why would it be assumed that she was unable to understand that she was being lied to ? From what I read here, very loudly, is that she thought she had some kind of status based on her looks.

There may have been other attractive ladies on board who may have often indulged their looks without assuming that a place in First Class is their right.

What if the lady had red hair, or a light shade of auburn ? She could have been equally attractive. Would the assumption be made that she was not of sufficient intellect to understand the pilot was fibbing ?

What we have is the assumption that egotistical women can be easily fooled on account of hair pigmentation and this renders them 'dumb'. What would the pilot have said if she had challenged his statement of scientific improbability ?

 

[Tom Hark Preston Park]

This sounds unlikely. Does the plane land at Toronto, and the first-class passengers have to stay on - and then it flies to somewhere else? Although - if it's actually the case that 'first-class isn't going to Toronto', it must mean that they drop them off somewhere else first, before going on to Toronto for the others. But what is to stop a first-class passenger simply sneaking into economy class just before the first landing, so that they can continue to Toronto?

And what of the business class passengers? Are they going to Toronto? Or to the same unspecified destination as the first class passengers? Or maybe even to a different one?

 

[WATFORD zero]

A PLANE IS ON ITS WAY TO TORONTO , WHEN A BLONDE IN ECONOMY CLASS GETS UP AND MOVES TO THE FIRST CLASS SECTION AND SITS DOWN.
THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT WATCHES HER DO THIS AND ASKS TO SEE HER TICKET.
SHE THEN TELLS THE BLONDE THAT SHE PAID FOR ECONOMY CLASS AND THAT SHE WILL HAVE TO SIT IN THE BACK.
THE BLONDE REPLIES, "I'M BLONDE, I'M BEAUTIFUL, I'M GOING TO TORONTO AND I'M STAYING RIGHT HERE."
THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT GOES INTO THE COCKPIT AND TELLS THE PILOT AND THE CO-PILOT THAT THERE IS A BLONDE BIMBO SITTING IN FIRST CLASS, THAT BELONGS IN ECONOMY AND WON'T MOVE BACK TO HER SEAT.
THE CO-PILOT GOES BACK TO THE BLONDE AND TRIES TO EXPLAIN THAT BECAUSE SHE ONLY PAID FOR ECONOMY SHE WILL HAVE TO LEAVE AND RETURN TO HER SEAT.
THE BLONDE REPLIES, "I'M BLONDE, I'M BEAUTIFUL, I'M GOING TO TORONTO AND I'M STAYING RIGHT HERE."
THE CO-PILOT TELLS THE PILOT THAT HE PROBABLY SHOULD HAVE THE POLICE WAITING WHEN THEY LAND TO ARREST THIS BLONDE WOMAN WHO WON'T LISTEN TO REASON.
THE PILOT SAYS, "YOU SAY SHE IS A BLONDE? I'LL
HANDLE THIS, I'M MARRIED TO A BLONDE. I SPEAK BLONDE."
HE GOES BACK TO THE BLONDE AND WHISPERS IN HER EAR, AND SHE SAYS, "OH, I'M SORRY." AND GETS UP AND GOES BACK TO HER SEAT IN ECONOMY.
THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT AND CO-PILOT ARE AMAZED AND ASKED HIM WHAT HE SAID TO MAKE HER MOVE WITHOUT ANY FUSS.
"I TOLD HER, 'FIRST CLASS ISN'T GOING TO TORONTO."

I think it may have worked better if it was quieter

But just a little (better, not quieter)

 

[Icy Gull]

I think it may have worked better if it was quieter

But just a little (better, not quieter)

Jets are f***ing noisy, shouting often required. Well that’s my experience of outbound flights in the summer, so many shouty people

 

[Questions]

A duck goes into a bar, approaches the counter, and orders a sandwich
He says to the bartender 'listen, I'm a bricklayer on the construction site nearby, the works will last for some time and I'll be coming here every day around lunchtime for a sandwich , so think about some discount or something?
The bartender, shocked as he has never encountered a talking duck before- agrees to give the duck a small discount for his daily sandwiches.
The duck takes his sandwich, pays, thanks the bartender and goes out.
The bartender immediately calls his friend who owns a circus:
'listen, there's a talking duck coming to my bar, come tomorrow around lunchtime and see for yourself'. So the next day the circus owner waits in the bar and the duck goes in, jumps on the barstool and orders a sandwich.
The circus manager overcomes his awe and says:
'Hello sir, I'm a circus owner and I want to offer you a job. I can give you whatever money you want, plus a company car, a cell phone, best hotels, best women, whatever you want'.
The duck considers his offer for a moment and says:
'so you're a circus owner, right?'
'Right'
'And your circus is one of those big tents, right?'
'Right.'
'With a sandy arena in the middle?'
'Yes'
'And with rows of seats around?'
'Correct'
'So what the f*** you need a bricklayer for?

£500 a day though.

 

[ConfusedGloryHunter]

Missing a single quote mark at the end.

C-

 

[Peacehaven Wild Kids]

This sounds unlikely. Does the plane land at Toronto, and the first-class passengers have to stay on - and then it flies to somewhere else? Although - if it's actually the case that 'first-class isn't going to Toronto', it must mean that they drop them off somewhere else first, before going on to Toronto for the others. But what is to stop a first-class passenger simply sneaking into economy class just before the first landing, so that they can continue to Toronto?

I needed you when someone on bus I was on told his captive audience the one about the Irish Astronauts going to the sun.

Well, either you or some lunatic with a piece of 4x2 with nails sticking out of it

 

[METALMICKY]

I bought my friend an elephant for his room.

He said "Thanks."

I said "Don't mention it."

 

[Badger]

A PLANE IS ON ITS WAY TO TORONTO , WHEN A BLONDE IN ECONOMY CLASS GETS UP AND MOVES TO THE FIRST CLASS SECTION AND SITS DOWN.
THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT WATCHES HER DO THIS AND ASKS TO SEE HER TICKET.
SHE THEN TELLS THE BLONDE THAT SHE PAID FOR ECONOMY CLASS AND THAT SHE WILL HAVE TO SIT IN THE BACK.
THE BLONDE REPLIES, "I'M BLONDE, I'M BEAUTIFUL, I'M GOING TO TORONTO AND I'M STAYING RIGHT HERE."
THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT GOES INTO THE COCKPIT AND TELLS THE PILOT AND THE CO-PILOT THAT THERE IS A BLONDE BIMBO SITTING IN FIRST CLASS, THAT BELONGS IN ECONOMY AND WON'T MOVE BACK TO HER SEAT.
THE CO-PILOT GOES BACK TO THE BLONDE AND TRIES TO EXPLAIN THAT BECAUSE SHE ONLY PAID FOR ECONOMY SHE WILL HAVE TO LEAVE AND RETURN TO HER SEAT.
THE BLONDE REPLIES, "I'M BLONDE, I'M BEAUTIFUL, I'M GOING TO TORONTO AND I'M STAYING RIGHT HERE."
THE CO-PILOT TELLS THE PILOT THAT HE PROBABLY SHOULD HAVE THE POLICE WAITING WHEN THEY LAND TO ARREST THIS BLONDE WOMAN WHO WON'T LISTEN TO REASON.
THE PILOT SAYS, "YOU SAY SHE IS A BLONDE? I'LL
HANDLE THIS, I'M MARRIED TO A BLONDE. I SPEAK BLONDE."
HE GOES BACK TO THE BLONDE AND WHISPERS IN HER EAR, AND SHE SAYS, "OH, I'M SORRY." AND GETS UP AND GOES BACK TO HER SEAT IN ECONOMY.
THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT AND CO-PILOT ARE AMAZED AND ASKED HIM WHAT HE SAID TO MAKE HER MOVE WITHOUT ANY FUSS.
"I TOLD HER, 'FIRST CLASS ISN'T GOING TO TORONTO."

I regularly fly into Toronto. I've never heard of this scenario where first class goes to a different destination. I'm pretty sure I would have read about it in the local news.

 

[Nobby]

Errr

What happened to Joke du Jour

Bloody Brexit.

 

[South Stand Bonfire]

A snail goes into a bar and asks the barman for a pint
The barman says he doesn’t serve snails, picks it up, opens the door and throws it out.
One year later the same snail walks up the barman and says “ Why did you do that?”

 

[ConfusedGloryHunter]

A snail goes into a bar and asks the barman for a pint
The barman says he doesn’t serve snails, picks it up, opens the door and throws it out.
One year later the same snail walks up the barman and says “ Why did you do that?”

This is silly. A snail could cover that distance in a day or two, why would they wait a whole year?