pasty
A different kind of pasty
Hm, bit of ctrl c ctrl v from the op? 
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[Humour] Joke of the day
- Thread starter Insel affe
- Start date
schmunk
Why oh why oh why?
Thank you, Tim.
1066familyman
Radio User
- Jan 15, 2008
- 15,233
Depends on the snail.
I used to race snails.
In a bid to make one go faster I removed it's shell, but it only made it more sluggish.
1066familyman
Radio User
- Jan 15, 2008
- 15,233
The OP's joke puts me in mind of this one....
A plane was losing height due to engine failure and in danger of crashing.
The pilot, a white racist, decides drastic action is required, so makes the following announcement to the passengers.
'I regret to have to inform you that due to engine failure we are losing height and, unless further drastic action is taken, we will crash land. We need to lose weight quickly to remain airborne. I have already ditched all our luggage, but it's not enough, so sadly some passengers will have to go too. In the interests of fairness, I've decided to do it in alphabetical order. So first to go will be Africans, Blacks and Coons.
Panic stricken, a little African American boy turns to his Dad and says, 'That means us doesn't it? We're going to die!!'
To which his Dad calmly responds....'Sit tight Son and don't worry. Today, we is Niggers'.
A plane was losing height due to engine failure and in danger of crashing.
The pilot, a white racist, decides drastic action is required, so makes the following announcement to the passengers.
'I regret to have to inform you that due to engine failure we are losing height and, unless further drastic action is taken, we will crash land. We need to lose weight quickly to remain airborne. I have already ditched all our luggage, but it's not enough, so sadly some passengers will have to go too. In the interests of fairness, I've decided to do it in alphabetical order. So first to go will be Africans, Blacks and Coons.
Panic stricken, a little African American boy turns to his Dad and says, 'That means us doesn't it? We're going to die!!'
To which his Dad calmly responds....'Sit tight Son and don't worry. Today, we is Niggers'.
- Jul 6, 2011
- 2,409
I'm pretty sure if you remove a snails shell it dies, so this a fairly horrific thing to have done.
1066familyman
Radio User
- Jan 15, 2008
- 15,233
I have French ancestry.
METALMICKY
Well-known member
- Jan 30, 2004
- 6,818
Curiously enough that same snail had a huge lottery win and decided to treat himself to a brand new Ferrari.
At the dealership the paperwork was just being completed when the snail remarked to the salesman that he wanted some customisations. Firstly, I'd like a big letter S painted on the roof and all the door panels he explained. He then detailed that he'd also like a big letter S painted on the boot, bonnet and all the side windows. At this point the bemused salesman gently requested why on earth he wanted the changes when he was already driving such a classic car? The snail acknowledged that but said to the salesman " Yes but when I'm driving down the road at 100 mph I want people to exclaim wow look at that S car go!
At the dealership the paperwork was just being completed when the snail remarked to the salesman that he wanted some customisations. Firstly, I'd like a big letter S painted on the roof and all the door panels he explained. He then detailed that he'd also like a big letter S painted on the boot, bonnet and all the side windows. At this point the bemused salesman gently requested why on earth he wanted the changes when he was already driving such a classic car? The snail acknowledged that but said to the salesman " Yes but when I'm driving down the road at 100 mph I want people to exclaim wow look at that S car go!
Ken Livingstone Seagull
Well-known member
Fookin hilarious.
Unless of course you have two African American sons like I do.
But, hey, just harmless banter, innit?
1066FM, you're welcome to come over to my manor and tell my kids that joke to their face.
Gutless racist.
1066familyman
Radio User
- Jan 15, 2008
- 15,233
I think you need to re read the joke to see who the subject of the joke is.
Thanks for the invite. Can I bring along my black African wife, and our four kids?
maltaseagull
Well-known member
I think posts 28 &29 add to that suggestion.
Not sure I agree that the racist pilot is the subject of the joke but am sure it´s not very funny.
1066familyman
Radio User
- Jan 15, 2008
- 15,233
May not be funny to everyone. That's the nature of jokes. Fair enough.
I believe it most certainly isn't a racist joke though. The complete opposite in fact. That may also be up for debate, but that's where I stand on it.
Are they coons or niggers though ?
Dick Knights Mumm
Take me Home Falmer Road
Why would you post that. What were you thinking.
Lyndhurst 14
Well-known member
- Jan 16, 2008
- 5,241
Not really a joke but made me smile
"A truck loaded with thousands of copies of Roget's Thesaurus crashed yesterday losing its entire load. Witnesses were stunned, startled, aghast, taken aback, stupefied, confused, shocked, rattled, paralyzed, dazed, bewildered, mixed up, surprised, awed, dumbfounded, nonplussed, flabbergasted, astounded, amazed, confounded, astonished, overwhelmed, horrified, numbed, speechless, and perplexed"
"A truck loaded with thousands of copies of Roget's Thesaurus crashed yesterday losing its entire load. Witnesses were stunned, startled, aghast, taken aback, stupefied, confused, shocked, rattled, paralyzed, dazed, bewildered, mixed up, surprised, awed, dumbfounded, nonplussed, flabbergasted, astounded, amazed, confounded, astonished, overwhelmed, horrified, numbed, speechless, and perplexed"
Is it PotG?
Thrifty non-licker
Was this an adjective taken from each and every witness or a general mass of words that the reporter chose for his/her story?
The speechless one, did they text in?
Lyndhurst 14
Well-known member
- Jan 16, 2008
- 5,241
I do not understand, comprehend, grasp, follow or get your comment
- Nov 15, 2006
- 4,241
Reminds me of a very old aircraft joke.
A very nervous guy is talked into going for a parachute jump. From the moment he gets on the plane he keeps talking to the instructor about what to do if the parachute doesn’t open. The instructor patiently explains to him that if the main parachute doesn’t open he has a reserve which he can activate. More questions and the instructor is getting pissed off by now. As he goes to jump he asks what happens if neither parachute opens, exasperated the instructor says “you’ll need to flap your arms and shout Geronimo”
Eventually he jumps, 10 seconds later the guy appears and knocks on the windscreen of the plane whilst flapping his arms wildly and shouts “ What was that f***ing Indian’s name?”
Don’t bother with the joke dismantling, I know it has massive flaws
A very nervous guy is talked into going for a parachute jump. From the moment he gets on the plane he keeps talking to the instructor about what to do if the parachute doesn’t open. The instructor patiently explains to him that if the main parachute doesn’t open he has a reserve which he can activate. More questions and the instructor is getting pissed off by now. As he goes to jump he asks what happens if neither parachute opens, exasperated the instructor says “you’ll need to flap your arms and shout Geronimo”
Eventually he jumps, 10 seconds later the guy appears and knocks on the windscreen of the plane whilst flapping his arms wildly and shouts “ What was that f***ing Indian’s name?”
Don’t bother with the joke dismantling, I know it has massive flaws
METALMICKY
Well-known member
- Jan 30, 2004
- 6,818
I checked into my hotel the other and when I turned the TV on the message said ' Porn Channel Disabled '. I thought wow how do they know my tastes?
- Oct 17, 2008
- 14,442
I think you may have misunderstood. I believe the message was indicating that the channel had been locked out, and was thus unable to view.I checked into my hotel the other and when I turned the TV on the message said ' Porn Channel Disabled '. I thought wow how do they know my tastes?