[Humour] Joke du Jour

[Albion my Albion]

Tennis would be way more exciting if they used dogs for ballboys.



I took two stuffed dogs to the Antiques Road Show (antiques appraisal show on PBS in the US). I asked the evaluator what they would get if they were in good condition and he said "sticks."

 

[Albion my Albion]

My wife told me I would be in hot water if I bought a jacuzzi.



How often does a chemist think about his beloved. Periodically.



What did one volcano say to the other volcano?

I lava you.

 

[Albion my Albion]

The Devil: This is the lake of boiling lava you will be spending eternity in.

New Arrival: Actually since we are underground technically it would be magma.

The Devil: That's why you are here. You get that? Right?

 

[Albion my Albion]

https://wgnradio.com/john-williams/...u-a-round-of-speed-jokes-part-cccxix-2-16-22/

 

[Bry Nylon]

My wife told me I would be in hot water if I bought a jacuzzi.

Well to be fair a jacuzzi is quite a sizeable expense so if you aren’t both in full agreement I can see why she might be angry. Even if money isn’t the issue it’s probably a decision best taken together. Has she said what her main objections would be?

 

[MTSeagulls]

There have been only two jokes that actually made me laugh out loud properly in recent years.
The first was from the Edinburgh gestival I think:-

I wasn't close to my father when he died, which is lucky as he stood on a landmine.

The other:-
My wife told me sex on holiday is better.
That wasn't a nice postcard to receive to be honest.

 

[Raleigh Chopper]

The wife called me and said we have a problem with the dog, it won't come when it's called, I think it's gone deaf.
I said it's a hairy dog, it has probably got too much hair in its ears, it can't hear you, you need to go to the chemist and get some of your hair removal cream and put it on the hair in its ears.
So she goes to the chemist and he said if you are applying this to your legs you should remove it after half an hour, if you are applying it to your face you should remove it after 5 minutes.
It's for my Schnauzer, said the wife.
Oh, said the chemist, in that case I wouldn't try riding a bike for 2 weeks.

 

[Bry Nylon]

The wife called me and said we have a problem with the dog, it won't come when it's called, I think it's gone deaf.
I said it's a hairy dog, it has probably got too much hair in its ears, it can't hear you, you need to go to the chemist and get some of your hair removal cream and put it on the hair in its ears.
So she goes to the chemist and he said if you are applying this to your legs you should remove it after half an hour, if you are applying it to your face you should remove it after 5 minutes.
It's for my Schnauzer, said the wife.
Oh, said the chemist, in that case I wouldn't try riding a bike for 2 weeks.

Of course, we'll never be certain, but I reckon the chemist misunderstood and thought your wife was going to put it on her fanny

 

[Albion my Albion]

https://wgnradio.com/john-williams/...ou-a-round-of-speed-jokes-part-cccxx-2-17-22/

 

[Albion my Albion]

Has she said what her main objections would be?

https://www.facebook.com/watch/?v=261315551821486


The music band The Objections


Not great but pretty good.

 

[South Stand Bonfire]

I wanted to call my nearly born daughter something unual but my wife was totally against it. So I called her Bluff.

When the doctor said it was twins I called her Double Bluff.

How did you know what to cal your baby if she wasn’t actually born yet. And I don’t believe you would give Twins the same name.

 

[Albion my Albion]

How did you know what to cal your baby if she wasn’t actually born yet. And I don’t believe you would give Twins the same name.

Never heard of a sonogram?

Double is slightly older than Bluff by 15 seconds.