Joke du jour

[The Large One]

Another gag clinically dissected.

Textbook NSC.

 

[Birdie Boy]

Hold on, Mike and Joe used to play on Sundays and he is now being called up for a Saturday game, when I played on Saturdays and Sundays, Saturdays was always a higher level, is Joe saying that now Mike is in heaven he can play to a higher standard? And, will he be signed on in time to play on Saturday or is he a ringer?

Edit: in this case maybe he is a dead ringer...

 

[maltaseagull]

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Bozza!!!!!!!!

 

[supaseagull]

In all fairness, I think Joe is lying. He has said that they're young again...If this is the case and based on the 2012/13 season, then would he be playing 7, 9 or 11 a side? and has the person who he is replacing been told he isn't playing the next game?

If he is reborn as an 8 year old, then he isn't allowed to play 11v11?

 

[supaseagull]

In all fairness, I think Joe is lying. He has said that they're young again...If this is the case and based on the 2012/13 season, then would he be playing 7, 9 or 11 a side? and has the person who he is replacing been told he isn't playing the next game?

If he is reborn as an 8 year old, then he isn't allowed to play 11v11?

Oh and who puts up the mini soccer goals if it's 7 a side? Surely there are health & safety guidelines to adhere to if an 8 year old is putting up Samba goals?

All of this just doesn't add up and I think the OP may be lying.

 

[Simster]

It clearly states that it in heaven "it's always spring time and it never rains or snows". So why would Joe or Mike even get a game when presumably there are DEAD Latins there who are always going to be QUALLA now that they clearly won't go missing on a boggy pitch in November?

 

[essbee]

...oh, and while we're on the subject, if heaven is very high up - then weightlessness
will be a real problem for the ball and players (and goals). I just don't get it.

 

[jackanada]

I'm sure heaven has enough pictures to accommodate enough leagues to allow every player to participate, though I am unclear on what rules they may use.

1. They don't get tired, and presumably not injured, so are there any substitutes? There must be plenty up there who want to come on as a super sub, but whose idea of heaven is being taken off after grinding out 75 minutes to watch your replacement win the game?

2. Do they also play midweek fixtures? While for the heavenly managers only playing Saturday -Saturday sounds great is this really necessary given the supernatural recovery powers of the players?

3. While on this, does the Saturday fixture mean that Saturday is not the Sabbath? If so the Jews are wrong - does this mean they have to play in goal or be linesmen?

4. Are the goalies any good? An existence where every pile-driver is parried, every delicate chip pawed away, every cross claimed, must be a nightmare for a striker. Maybe this means those who dream of being a superb goalie cannot go to heaven.

5. In any attempt to get a casual match together almost everyone wants to be a striker. Does this make the 1-1-8 the most prevalent formation in the heavenly leagues? Alternatively maybe all these wannabe strikers are too selfish for heaven, and every match ends up 0-0 due to sides being jam packed with selfless defensive midfielders.

We need answers.

 

[Cheeky Monkey]

...oh, and while we're on the subject, if heaven is very high up - then weightlessness
will be a real problem for the ball and players (and goals). I just don't get it.

Mike could use his remaining days to do some training with supplementary oxygen (and maybe have some put in his coffin) in preparation for the thin air he will be playing in.

 

[Grapes of Wrath]

What isn't mentioned here is what the stadium is like. I for one do not fancy spending the rest of eternity running around a football pitch, I just want to chill. I'm more than happy to do what I do best, and be a supporter, but I need to be sure that the facilities in the stadium are up to scratch, and that I can easily get a pie and a pint at half time without the queues we suffer at the Amex.

Another thought, and an important one is can I possibly consider supporting another team? Perhaps that's why the song goes "Brighton til I die" Rather than "Brighton til eternity" That would I suppose allow me to support another team without guilt. Not something I could even consider doing whilst alive.

I would also hope that the half time scores are announced over the tannoy, so I could keep up with the progress of the team I had supported all of my mortal life.

Death is starting to seem more attractive now,and if someone can confirm that there are no Palace fans up there,I may even start looking forward to my demise!

 

[Sussex on Leith]

So the assumption here is that he is automatically better than anyone else already in heaven.

I don't think it is fair that people playing week in and week out have been dropped to accomodate someone that isn't even dead yet.

Doesn't sound heavenly to me.

Very much this. After all, an earth-based footballer would simply be dropped to the reserves, whereas being dropped from heaven would be altogether more dramatic.

And it's hard to envisage a heaven development squad anyway. Presumably they'd have to play their home games in purgatory (the theological equivalent of Gillingham).

 

[brakespear]

It clearly states that it in heaven "it's always spring time and it never rains or snows". So why would Joe or Mike even get a game when presumably there are DEAD Latins there who are always going to be QUALLA now that they clearly won't go missing on a boggy pitch in November?

But surely the whole 'always spring time' bit is suspect - it rains all the time in spring, sure;y permanent summer time would be more appropriate?

 

[drew]

Exactly how does this work then. Is there a league and cup competiton? Also, once 22 ex footballers die, does 'God' cause the death of a referee and two assistants? Also, does God act as the FA and punish any simulation or racist abuse and finally, do we the supporters get to watch this football, and if so, do we all watch the best teams or do we get allocated watching a couple of old duffers playing Sunday league football, ie Nil flair!

 

[Box of Frogs]

Isn't spring time the end of our season? So are they always playing the end of season games? When does their season start?

Surely he can't go straight into the team - isn't there some sort of transfer window or qualifying period before he is registered to play or does the mere fact that he is dead qualify him? And who says he wants to play for his mates team anyway? He might think he deserves to play in a better side in which case he would probably have to have a trial with them first?

 

[Kumquat]

It clearly states that it in heaven "it's always spring time and it never rains or snows". So why would Joe or Mike even get a game when presumably there are DEAD Latins there who are always going to be QUALLA now that they clearly won't go missing on a boggy pitch in November?

That's what did it for me. Never rains in spring Load of old pony.

 

[skipper734]

How can he go straight into the team, he just died. Most people that die are in a pretty bad way, hence they die. How did he get over whatever killed him so quickly?
Even Vicente, didn't get straight into the Albion team and he plays like an Angel.

 

[GingerBeerMan]

Surely he can't go straight into the team - isn't there some sort of transfer window or qualifying period before he is registered to play or does the mere fact that he is dead qualify him? And who says he wants to play for his mates team anyway? He might think he deserves to play in a better side in which case he would probably have to have a trial with them first?

It says he's in the team on Saturday, not that he dies on Saturday. Therefore I think the joke (quite clearly) implies that Mike dies before Saturday (lets say Thursday) to give him time to register in the squad and be eligible for the game on Saturday. As for your second question, you could ask it the other way; how do the team know he's (Mike) any good anyway? Are the going on what Joe told them. Is a friends word a good enough trial for a fixture of this importance?

 

[Wozza]

He might think he deserves to play in a better side in which case he would probably have to have a trial with them first?

He's a dead ball specialist.

 

[Hove Seagull]

He's a dead ball specialist.

 

[Questions]

So if Mike walks straight into the team without proving himself how long before there is unrest in the squad and someone asks for a transfer ? And where are they going to move to ? Hell Utd ?

It doesn't stack up this story.