Joke du jour

[Icy Gull]

Two 80 year old men, Mike and Joe, have been friends all of their lives.

When it's clear that Joe is dying, Mike visits him every day. One day Mike says, "Joe, we both loved football all our lives, and we played football on Sundays together for so many years. Please do me one favour, when you get to Heaven, somehow you must let me know if there's football there."

Joe looks up at Mike from his death bed," Mike, you've been my best friend for many years. If it's at all possible, I'll do this favour for you.

Shortly after that, Joe passes on.

At midnight a couple of nights later, Mike is awakened from a sound sleep by a blinding flash of white light and a voice calling out to him, "Mike, Mike."

"Who is it? Asks Mike sitting up suddenly. "Who is it?"

"Mike, it's me, Joe."

"You're not Joe. Joe just died."

"I'm telling you, it's me, Joe," insists the voice."

"Joe! Where are you?"

"In heaven", replies Joe. "I have some really good news and a little bad news."

"Tell me the good news first ," says Mike.

"The good news," Joe says," is that there's football in heaven. Better yet, all of our old friends who died before us are here, too. Better than that, we're all young again. Better still, it's always spring time and it never rains or snows. And best of all, we can play football all we want, and we never get tired."

That's fantastic," says Mike. "It's beyond my wildest dreams! So what's the bad news?

"You're in the team for this Saturday."

 

[Acker79]

So, in all these years of people looking for proof of heaven, some no mark old geezer is allowed to provide proof to the living because of a football game? That doesn't sound very realistic. Surely proof of heaven would be saved for something more important.

And since when has "it's me" been good enough proof of id?

 

[Icy Gull]

So, in all these years of people looking for proof of heaven, some no mark old geezer is allowed to provide proof to the living because of a football game? That doesn't sound very realistic. Surely proof of heaven would be saved for something more important.

And since when has "it's me" been good enough proof of id?

f***ing hell, it's a JOKE ( not that good I accept)

 

[sydney]

So, in all these years of people looking for proof of heaven, some no mark old geezer is allowed to provide proof to the living because of a football game? That doesn't sound very realistic. Surely proof of heaven would be saved for something more important.

And since when has "it's me" been good enough proof of id?

ouch.

 

[Acker79]

f***ing hell, it's a JOKE ( not that good I accept)

Have you seen many joke threads on here?

Joke Du Jour
Joke Du Jour
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[essbee]

No - I agree. I'd also like some backup evidence that it's spring all the time. These
are wild unsubstantiated claims.

 

[Icy Gull]

Have you seen many joke threads on here?

Joke Du Jour
Joke Du Jour
Joke du Jour

I guess that was a "whoosh" then..sorry

 

[Badger]

I'm not convinced Mike would make it into the team straight away, surely he'd need some time to get match fit.

 

[Acker79]

I guess that was a "whoosh" then..sorry

No problem!

 

[Puppet Master]

I'm not convinced Mike would make it into the team straight away, surely he'd need some time to get match fit.

FFS, it's just a JOKE!

 

[Hillian1]

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[MattBackHome]

I'm not convinced Mike would make it into the team straight away, surely he'd need some time to get match fit.

I think that, being heaven, your match fitness would be assured.

It's a strange request though in the first place. Surely proof of any sort of afterlife would be bigger news than what sort of recreational activities it contains?

 

[Badger]

I think that, being heaven, your match fitness would be assured.

But even with the match fitness there's no telling whether he would fit in to the structure of the team without at least a couple of weeks in training. I guess he could get put on the bench and come on for the last 10 minutes if required.

 

[MattBackHome]

But even with the match fitness there's no telling whether he would fit in to the structure of the team without at least a couple of weeks in training. I guess he could get put on the bench and come on for the last 10 minutes if required.

Agreed. So the bad news in this case should be "You're on the bench for this Saturday" for the joke to make any sense.

Also I'd hate to see the state of the pitch after a while with no rain at all. Unless they have an elaborate irrigation system which is of course more than possible, what with it being heaven and everything.

 

[ees complicated no?]

Have they been playing 9 a side whilst Joe and Mike have been on earth?

 

[Badger]

Agreed. So the bad news in this case should be "You're on the bench for this Saturday" for the joke to make any sense.

Also I'd hate to see the state of the pitch after a while with no rain at all. Unless they have an elaborate irrigation system which is of course more than possible, what with it being heaven and everything.

I imagine being on the bench is fairly pointless given that they never get tired, so the manager is likely to just pick the best 11 and not have to worry about whether they'll last the full 90 minutes.

 

[slinky]

putting him in a team without any training sessions, what position would he be playing?

surely he would need time to gel with the other lads in training...

I am not sure i am convinced by this, and feel this could be a bit of a tall tale....

 

[Postman Pat]

So the assumption here is that he is automatically better than anyone else already in heaven.

I don't think it is fair that people playing week in and week out have been dropped to accomodate someone that isn't even dead yet.

Doesn't sound heavenly to me.

 

[jgmcdee]

Logically, the only way that someone from the Sunday leagues could be playing is if there are no more than 10 better footballers who made it to heaven. Given the number of professional footballers who have died this is a damning verdict on either their professions or their lifestyles. And given the time and effort we put in to following them, is a pretty harsh judgement on our lives as well.

Now I'm thoroughly depressed. Can't believe that people are allowed to post things like this.

 

[BadFish]

So the assumption here is that he is automatically better than anyone else already in heaven.

I don't think it is fair that people playing week in and week out have been dropped to accomodate someone that isn't even dead yet.

Doesn't sound heavenly to me.

I belive this is what happened when Lucifer fell, he was an enthusiastic if limited center forward.