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Joke du Jour
- Thread starter Muzzy
- Start date
Surrey_Albion
New member
Saw a bloke down the pub trying to chat up a cheetah, I thought to myself "he's trying to pull a fast one"
Gary Cahill's transfer to Chelsea has been delayed because his wife cannot agree personal terms with John Terry.
What's he doing with two toes hiding in his boot?! What about the person he cut them off? And surely if you'd just performed that sort of act on someone you wouldn't then show the evidence to the police?
Tricky Dicky
New member
Now, that did make me smirk a little.
Cheeky Monkey
Well-known member
- Jul 17, 2003
- 23,795
Ain't that the truth Muzzy!
My mate died doing something he loved...
...heroin
:coat:
...heroin
:coat:
Tony Towner's Fridge
Well-known member
An old US Marine Pilot sat down at the Starbucks, still wearing his old USMC flight suit and leather jacket and ordered a cup of coffee.
As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him. She turned to the pilot and asked, ‘Are you a real pilot?'
He replied, "Well, I've spent my whole life flying planes, first Stearmans, then the early Grummans.... flew a Wildcat and Corsair in WWII, and later in the Korean conflict, Banshees and Cougars. I've taught more than 260 people to fly and given rides to hundreds, so I guess I am a pilot; and you, what are you?"
She said, "I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about naked women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about naked women. When I shower, I think about naked women. When I watch TV, I think about naked women. It seems everything makes me think of naked women."
The two sat sipping in silence.
A little while later, a young man sat down on the other side of the old pilot and asked: "Are you a real pilot?"
He replied, "I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian."
As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him. She turned to the pilot and asked, ‘Are you a real pilot?'
He replied, "Well, I've spent my whole life flying planes, first Stearmans, then the early Grummans.... flew a Wildcat and Corsair in WWII, and later in the Korean conflict, Banshees and Cougars. I've taught more than 260 people to fly and given rides to hundreds, so I guess I am a pilot; and you, what are you?"
She said, "I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about naked women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about naked women. When I shower, I think about naked women. When I watch TV, I think about naked women. It seems everything makes me think of naked women."
The two sat sipping in silence.
A little while later, a young man sat down on the other side of the old pilot and asked: "Are you a real pilot?"
He replied, "I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian."
GoldWithFalmer
Seaweed! Seaweed!
Bloke out shopping with the missus-
"those shoe's look nice darling"
'Norfolk'Nchance' replies the hubby! 'way too expensive'
later that evening in bed,hubby feels a little frisky an tries his luck,as his hand slips up the wiffey's leg...........she screams!!!
he replies
'what?'
she replies....
"listen now,if your not prepared to shoe the horse,than you've no forkin chance of riding it".
"those shoe's look nice darling"
'Norfolk'Nchance' replies the hubby! 'way too expensive'
later that evening in bed,hubby feels a little frisky an tries his luck,as his hand slips up the wiffey's leg...........she screams!!!
he replies
'what?'
she replies....
"listen now,if your not prepared to shoe the horse,than you've no forkin chance of riding it".
I bought a bottle of HP sauce today.........
10p a month for two years.
............................................................................
A man walks into a chip shop and says, 'Fish and chips twice' The fellow behind the counter says, '
OK I heard you the first time'
.........................................................................................................................................
My old man always said that you should fight fire with fire. Probably why he got sacked from the fire brigade.
10p a month for two years.
............................................................................
A man walks into a chip shop and says, 'Fish and chips twice' The fellow behind the counter says, '
OK I heard you the first time'
.........................................................................................................................................
My old man always said that you should fight fire with fire. Probably why he got sacked from the fire brigade.
Pat McCrotch
Lurker
When Thierry Henry signed again for Arsenal, they said “Don’t worry, you’ll feel right at home, everything is just the same as when you left”.
“Including the trophy cabinet”.
“Including the trophy cabinet”.
GoldWithFalmer
Seaweed! Seaweed!
Steve Foster
Well-known member
Anthony Worrall Thompson caught shoplifting cheese and wine from Tesco.I hear they've also doing him for a salt.
Who will take the second shot in this snooker game? Find out after the break.
I always mix up pickle and chutney. It makes me chuckle.
I opened up a business selling trampolines to Eastern Europeans, but it's not going well... the Czechs keep bouncing.