I've had a bit of a bad day
- Thread starter spongy
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Taybha
Whalewhine
You were right to post on here , after all is said and done most of the bods on here are a great bunch and really do care about other people even if they do not know them , reading all these messages of support makes me even prouder to be a Brighton supporter , goes without saying i echo all of the above , wish you well .
portslade seagull
Well-known member
Good to see you feeling a little perkier today Spongy
glasfryn
cleaning up cat sick
SK1NT
Well-known member
[MENTION=20792]spongy[/MENTION]
RIP Graham. You sound like a decent guy and you did your bit by helping his wife. There is no rhyme or reason as to why these things happen, but I like to try and take a positive out of such a negative by trying to be the best person I can be.
Unfortunately or maybe luckily we live in such a great part of the country that everything is so expensive and this is screwing up people who haven’t got on the property ladder yet. As others have said on here keep studying this is your key to getting out of the long hours. Try and save get that deposit and hopefully no matter how modest, you will get on that ladder.
I'm sure many of us have thought 'what's the point of all this' however you have to strive for your little one. I have a 7 month old and everything I do now is to make sure he has an easier life. Unfortunately this generation is the first generation that will be worse off than their parents in the last 100 or so years.
Just do your best mate, can't ask for more. There are always people out there going through so much worse. I personally just plod on with a smile as long as my friends and family are healthy nothing else matters.
RIP Graham. You sound like a decent guy and you did your bit by helping his wife. There is no rhyme or reason as to why these things happen, but I like to try and take a positive out of such a negative by trying to be the best person I can be.
Unfortunately or maybe luckily we live in such a great part of the country that everything is so expensive and this is screwing up people who haven’t got on the property ladder yet. As others have said on here keep studying this is your key to getting out of the long hours. Try and save get that deposit and hopefully no matter how modest, you will get on that ladder.
I'm sure many of us have thought 'what's the point of all this' however you have to strive for your little one. I have a 7 month old and everything I do now is to make sure he has an easier life. Unfortunately this generation is the first generation that will be worse off than their parents in the last 100 or so years.
Just do your best mate, can't ask for more. There are always people out there going through so much worse. I personally just plod on with a smile as long as my friends and family are healthy nothing else matters.
sydney
tinky ****in winky
i'm self employed...i don't earn a great deal but it's enough.......**** 'em , you only live once....!!
Bob'n'weave
Well-known member
Massive trauma seeing your friend this way and now comes the grief and self analysis - WTF am i doing all this for etc. Don't worry, this will pass and you will be stronger for the experience. To be there at Grahams last moments were a gift, for him and you. You will succeed in getting where you need to in life/work etc, for you, your family and for Graham. I bet he is f***ing proud to have had you as a friend.
cunningplan
New member
Really sad story; it makes me realise how lucky I have been in my work and health - but none of us can take health for granted. Albion, running, good friends, warm and loving family, having a laugh..... have all played a part in keep me from despair/poor health.
All the best to you, your family and those who you care about.
All the best to you, your family and those who you care about.
spongy
Well-known member
- Thread starter
- #69
I've just about had a ****ing enough.
After yesterday when I was upset the wife didn't tell me that she was being put on disciplinary at work for her sick record. She's had two days off this year with that sick bug that a lot of people had. But not for that. Before we got married last year things were bloody stressful and she had a few panic attacks at work and got diagnosed with anxiety so was signed off for a month. But only just now they've decided due to "force policy" (she works for the plod as a civvy) they're putting her on watch and if she has a day off sick before December then she'll go to stage 3 and they will start disciplinary action.
What an absolute crock of ducking shite. She is due to start back at work full time next month and now they land this shit on her.
In the last two weeks her car broke down for the third bloody time this year so it was time to get her a new one. The only way I could do it quickly was to load a credit card. The plan was to keep balance transferring between cards to keep the interest at 0%.
She's been in tears all,night as the new car needs a new aux belt and tensioner at a cost of £250. A month ago I could see the light at the end of a tunnel, now I'm in darkness.
I'm now the best part of £4k in debt where as before I had less than 400 on them. She's,constantly thinking of her nan who has been diagnosed with dementia and the most important person in her family to her is being consumed by this evil disease and has turned nasty and evil towards her. To top,everything else off she was looking at her phone and it just turned off and now won't charge. This the phone that was sent as a replacement at a cost of 75 on the insurance less than 6 weeks ago.
I ****ing hate life. I really ****ing do. She's in pieces, I'm not in a good place at all, still got a daughter who needs all of our time, a debt that didn't exist a month ago. Family in nursing homes, dead work colleagues, 2 broken cars and now a dead ****ing 500 quid phone with 27 quid in the bank to last until payday on the 27th.
**** this. **** the lot of it. And **** it some more.
If I didn't have enough pressure as it is I now,have to spend even more time at work trying to figure out how to pay for all this crap whilst knowing full ****ing well that I'm needed more at home.
I'm going to crack. She's cracking right now and in the middle is a wonderful little girl who I can see can sense something is wrong and I feel completely powerless to do anything about it.
After yesterday when I was upset the wife didn't tell me that she was being put on disciplinary at work for her sick record. She's had two days off this year with that sick bug that a lot of people had. But not for that. Before we got married last year things were bloody stressful and she had a few panic attacks at work and got diagnosed with anxiety so was signed off for a month. But only just now they've decided due to "force policy" (she works for the plod as a civvy) they're putting her on watch and if she has a day off sick before December then she'll go to stage 3 and they will start disciplinary action.
What an absolute crock of ducking shite. She is due to start back at work full time next month and now they land this shit on her.
In the last two weeks her car broke down for the third bloody time this year so it was time to get her a new one. The only way I could do it quickly was to load a credit card. The plan was to keep balance transferring between cards to keep the interest at 0%.
She's been in tears all,night as the new car needs a new aux belt and tensioner at a cost of £250. A month ago I could see the light at the end of a tunnel, now I'm in darkness.
I'm now the best part of £4k in debt where as before I had less than 400 on them. She's,constantly thinking of her nan who has been diagnosed with dementia and the most important person in her family to her is being consumed by this evil disease and has turned nasty and evil towards her. To top,everything else off she was looking at her phone and it just turned off and now won't charge. This the phone that was sent as a replacement at a cost of 75 on the insurance less than 6 weeks ago.
I ****ing hate life. I really ****ing do. She's in pieces, I'm not in a good place at all, still got a daughter who needs all of our time, a debt that didn't exist a month ago. Family in nursing homes, dead work colleagues, 2 broken cars and now a dead ****ing 500 quid phone with 27 quid in the bank to last until payday on the 27th.
**** this. **** the lot of it. And **** it some more.
If I didn't have enough pressure as it is I now,have to spend even more time at work trying to figure out how to pay for all this crap whilst knowing full ****ing well that I'm needed more at home.
I'm going to crack. She's cracking right now and in the middle is a wonderful little girl who I can see can sense something is wrong and I feel completely powerless to do anything about it.
Hi spongy,
I feel for you mate, I really do.
The good thing is you are not bottling it up. Venting on here does not, of itself, fix any of your problems. But maybe by letting off your understandable frustration here, you make it less likely to vent at home or at work - as I'm sure you know, venting there won't help your situation.
Finding your friend in the car was clearly a very bad situation. But imagine, it could have been a stranger who found him. That person could not have offered the care and support that you did, to him and to his wife. So there is some good in that situation.
Your wife has a new car. Yes, it needs a fix now, which costs money that you can ill-afford. But once it is fixed, she has a new and more reliable car.
The work disciplinary thing for your wife need not be an issue. As you say, she has only taken 2 days off work this year. If she keeps that kind of attendance up, the disciplinary threat is expired in no time, with no further action.
Please, don't think I am trying to make light of you or your family's situation - that is really not the case. What I am trying to remind you of, is that each of these problems, on their own, is quite manageable. It's just life.
Very unfortunately, these things have not happened on their own, They have arrived together, at the same time that you are very understandably feeling low after the death of your friend. Any of us would struggle to deal with them all at once.
I can not (and would not presume) to tell you how to deal with these issues. But I will strongly suggest - as someone who has been in similar situations more than once before - that the best way of dealing with the issues is one at a time. As if they had arrived one at a time.
So, for example, deal with the phone issue. Start a new thread here, explaining the make and model, what happened etc. With the combined wisdom of the NSC, you might be surprised at how quickly that can be fixed. Fixing that will make your wife happier, and you will have started to take control of things again.
Money issues - you have already shown that you are not a fool with money. Shuffle as much of the debt as you can onto 0% cards, work the overtime, and gradually the debt will be whittled away.
Taking these kind of steps will give you the confidence that you can take some control of your direction and destiny again. This will improve your mood and outlook on life tremendously. It will also help your wife to see that between you, you can tackle and overcome whatever life throws at you. This will help her to feel stronger, and better equipped to deal with the issues at work and with her Nan.
And most importantly, you will be giving more positive vibes to your young daughter, who you clearly love dearly. She can not be sat down and have things explained to her at her age, but she will very quickly pick up on the fact that her Mum and Dad are happier (because they have a plan to tackle each problem, one at a time). She will continue to grow safe in the knowledge that she has capable and loving parents, who can face up to and tackle each problem as it comes, one at a time.
All of this may look like complete twaddle to you right now, if you are feeling very low. That's OK - but please come back and look at the suggestions above again tomorrow, or in a day or two, and see if any of them can be put into action.
Meanwhile, feel free to vent here as much as you like, and see if anyone else here can offer practical advice for each of the problems - one at a time mate, you will get there.
I feel for you mate, I really do.
The good thing is you are not bottling it up. Venting on here does not, of itself, fix any of your problems. But maybe by letting off your understandable frustration here, you make it less likely to vent at home or at work - as I'm sure you know, venting there won't help your situation.
Finding your friend in the car was clearly a very bad situation. But imagine, it could have been a stranger who found him. That person could not have offered the care and support that you did, to him and to his wife. So there is some good in that situation.
Your wife has a new car. Yes, it needs a fix now, which costs money that you can ill-afford. But once it is fixed, she has a new and more reliable car.
The work disciplinary thing for your wife need not be an issue. As you say, she has only taken 2 days off work this year. If she keeps that kind of attendance up, the disciplinary threat is expired in no time, with no further action.
Please, don't think I am trying to make light of you or your family's situation - that is really not the case. What I am trying to remind you of, is that each of these problems, on their own, is quite manageable. It's just life.
Very unfortunately, these things have not happened on their own, They have arrived together, at the same time that you are very understandably feeling low after the death of your friend. Any of us would struggle to deal with them all at once.
I can not (and would not presume) to tell you how to deal with these issues. But I will strongly suggest - as someone who has been in similar situations more than once before - that the best way of dealing with the issues is one at a time. As if they had arrived one at a time.
So, for example, deal with the phone issue. Start a new thread here, explaining the make and model, what happened etc. With the combined wisdom of the NSC, you might be surprised at how quickly that can be fixed. Fixing that will make your wife happier, and you will have started to take control of things again.
Money issues - you have already shown that you are not a fool with money. Shuffle as much of the debt as you can onto 0% cards, work the overtime, and gradually the debt will be whittled away.
Taking these kind of steps will give you the confidence that you can take some control of your direction and destiny again. This will improve your mood and outlook on life tremendously. It will also help your wife to see that between you, you can tackle and overcome whatever life throws at you. This will help her to feel stronger, and better equipped to deal with the issues at work and with her Nan.
And most importantly, you will be giving more positive vibes to your young daughter, who you clearly love dearly. She can not be sat down and have things explained to her at her age, but she will very quickly pick up on the fact that her Mum and Dad are happier (because they have a plan to tackle each problem, one at a time). She will continue to grow safe in the knowledge that she has capable and loving parents, who can face up to and tackle each problem as it comes, one at a time.
All of this may look like complete twaddle to you right now, if you are feeling very low. That's OK - but please come back and look at the suggestions above again tomorrow, or in a day or two, and see if any of them can be put into action.
Meanwhile, feel free to vent here as much as you like, and see if anyone else here can offer practical advice for each of the problems - one at a time mate, you will get there.
One of the strengths of the human is to put up with adverse situations and carry on, especially when putting food into the mouths of our family is concerned. The problem is that if what we do is not getting us what we need, we can neverthelss go into autopilot.
It seems like you have had a wake up call. But understandably you don't know what you've woken up into.
From a practical point of view . . . . you need to get a better job. So how? Either you have the qualifications and ability to sell yourself, or you don't. If you don't, you'll have to acquire. . . . . that's your big next task . . . .
Its better to put all the hours god made into bettering your prospects than putting in hours in your present job.
These are all fine words but I have a 31 year old son kipping on my sofa while he decides how to move ahead. He earns about £13K a year. He's been on the sofa for 5 months. Right now, he's out with his mates. That isn't you.
It seems like you have had a wake up call. But understandably you don't know what you've woken up into.
From a practical point of view . . . . you need to get a better job. So how? Either you have the qualifications and ability to sell yourself, or you don't. If you don't, you'll have to acquire. . . . . that's your big next task . . . .
Its better to put all the hours god made into bettering your prospects than putting in hours in your present job.
These are all fine words but I have a 31 year old son kipping on my sofa while he decides how to move ahead. He earns about £13K a year. He's been on the sofa for 5 months. Right now, he's out with his mates. That isn't you.
sydney
tinky ****in winky
with regard to her job.....surely if she is unwell then that is that....what are the medical certificate requirements for having days off with viruses , putting someone with anxiety issues on "watch" under threat of disciplinary action is about as counter productive as it gets , give her a hug , tell her you love her , if her employers want to take that line then **** 'em , does she feel she is being victimised...
......if the phone is only 6 weeks old then it should be under warranty still.......i know how you feel budd , sometimes life just slaps you whichever way you turn ,the car seems like a final kick in the nuts i bet . Just keep going mate.....you'll be alright....
Shropshire Seagull
Well-known member
Sounds like you've hit a rough patch in your life [without wishing to understate it] - the best I can offer is that well used Brighton saying "Keep the faith!"
I've been in jobs [and other circumstances] where I can't see a way forward - life is full of opportunities if we only have the eyes to see them and the balls to take them - assess the risks, make the choice - served me well over my working life - things will improve.
Good mate of mine lost his golfing partner 10 years ago - heart attack on the 4th tee - air ambulance landed within 15 minutes but could not revive him - time will heal - KTF fella
I've been in jobs [and other circumstances] where I can't see a way forward - life is full of opportunities if we only have the eyes to see them and the balls to take them - assess the risks, make the choice - served me well over my working life - things will improve.
Good mate of mine lost his golfing partner 10 years ago - heart attack on the 4th tee - air ambulance landed within 15 minutes but could not revive him - time will heal - KTF fella
Greg Bobkin
Silver Seagull
- May 22, 2012
- 16,066
There is a LOT of sense in here, [MENTION=20792]spongy[/MENTION] and you should take it in the way it's intended. It's very easy to get caught up in a situation and very difficult to take a step back and see the bigger picture. Just like I say about taking one game at time for the Albion, look at these problems one at a time. It's not going to be easy, but I reckon you'll get there. The most important thing through it all is that you stay tight as a family. I'm rooting for you and if there's anything the collective NSC can do, just ask and I'm sure we'll deliver.
Really feel for you fella, but do hang in there, things will get better.
I'm no HR lawyer, but your wife should speak to the Union (even if she's not a member, they'll probably still help). Threatening disciplinary action to someone who has only just come back after being signed off with any form of anxiety sounds bang out of order. No way my HR department would condone/allow anyone to do that. Occupational Health should be involved too.
I'm no HR lawyer, but your wife should speak to the Union (even if she's not a member, they'll probably still help). Threatening disciplinary action to someone who has only just come back after being signed off with any form of anxiety sounds bang out of order. No way my HR department would condone/allow anyone to do that. Occupational Health should be involved too.
Nibble
New member
- Jan 3, 2007
- 19,238
In 2014 I lost my Mum and my Dad to cancer and my 39 year old brother to a sudden heart attack. I was living alone in one room above a pub deep in Palace territory in boring Surrey. I was earning very little and my Stepdad was battling cancer and diagnosed with vascular dementia. My only family was my 90 year old grandmother who was moving to Australia and a brother in China. I'd had enough. I walked for miles and miles every day, crying and trying to walk off the pain. The absolute worst pain and time of my life. I'd had enough but I decided there was NO WAY I was going to fold. This was not going to be my story. I worked harder, I took on 2 extra jobs, I saved up and I moved back to Sussex. I hunted and hunted for the job I had always wanted, I got the licenses unneeded for it and I got a job I've always wanted and am still loving. I reconnected with someone in my life whom I have loved for 20 years and we now have a home by the sea in a lovely part of Sussex. Her family have taken me in as their own.
Why am I telling you this? It's certainly not a grief competition. I'm telling you so that you know, one can be in the utter depths of despair with the idea that life will never get better. It does but you have to work at it. Reach out to people, keep loving and supporting your other half, work your arse off, remind yourself why you're doing it, make a solid financial plan even if it leaves you with no disposable for a while. Be disciplined, focused and positive. Let people know you love them. You'll get through. Sometimes one has to declare "This will not be my story", steel oneself and do what needs to be done. You can do that too.
Greg Bobkin
Silver Seagull
- May 22, 2012
- 16,066
[MENTION=20792]spongy[/MENTION] in amongst all of the euphoria of yesterday, my thoughts turned to you and this thread.
Hope all is ok and that you're feeling better than last week.
Hope all is ok and that you're feeling better than last week.
spongy
Well-known member
- Thread starter
- #78
Thank-you very much. Yesterday was a cracking day. I got myself absolutely bladdered (with her permission of course) she met me back at our local so she could join in the celebrations. Got back just in time to see Derby's goal go in. When that whistle went I broke down into tears. Don't know whether it's due to the emotions of the last few seasons, relief, disbelief, no idea or what's going on in our lives at the moment I have no idea.
Didn't get to bed until well after midnight and was wide awake at 4am so I'm feeling pretty worn out today as I had a 7am-7pm shift. I've managed to write a report on machine tool wear and causes/effects of catastrophic failure tonight so all a bleary eyed. Just turned the computer off and trying to wind down so I can get to sleep in a bit hopefully.
I was told at work today that my training on our 5 axis machine centre next week has been cancelled. I'm gutted. It's a massive part of the last course I did. I need that training to complete the NVQ side of it. I managed to pass the city & guilds parts of it with distinction across the board. Trouble is I only have til the end of this school year to complete it. I've been badgering my boss about it for 3 years now. I finally get it arranged and old Graham decides to pop his clogs and put me up the Creek. If I don't get it done I'm in serious danger of failing the course. I've worked so hard on it for the last 3 years I shall be devastated if it all goes tits up.
Doing the HNC is hard enough but double it up with the stress of this NVQ doesn't help.
Hopefully I'll have the other car fixed by next week and I'll be able to try and flog it off and pay a bit of this debt off. One less thing to deal with.
Thanks for showing some concern. It certainly helps to vent on here. If she knew how I was (or wasn't) coping she'd be a mess too. As long as it looks like I'm in control to her I shall be relatively happy. Need to be strong for them which I'm pretty sure is what's stopping me going mental.
Don't bottle it up mate. Just cos you're a bloke doesn't mean you can't share a problem or worry. Have a chat with a good mate and don't bury it under the euphoria of promotion. They are different things.
Hope it alll works out for you. Good luck
Hope it alll works out for you. Good luck
Greg Bobkin
Silver Seagull
- May 22, 2012
- 16,066
No worries.
Far be it from me to tell you what to do, but I'd suggest talking to her, sharing your concerns and working through it together. You'll be amazed how strong some women can be and she'll probably be more p1ssed off that you didn't tell her in the first place! Take it from my own experience – don't try and do it all on your own. You're a team, so you should work together.