Klaas
I've changed this
- Nov 1, 2017
- 2,661
Well, it’s been just over two years since I originally posted this thread. Not sure if anyone really cares, but I’m going to give an update of where I am at now – so please excuse my self indulgence.
I have largely stayed away from the forums, mainly due to the lack of empathy shown by some posters on these boards, and some real lunatic fringe beliefs and comments, I just felt now would be a good time to pop my head over the parapet, briefly, again.
Two years seems a long time when you say it, looking forward, but it has been amazing how quickly this time seems to have gone by. My wife is still currently Lymphoma free and has two more chemotherapy sessions to go to the end of her maintenance regime – then it will be a case of wait and see.
We are realistic, we know it will come back and the likelihood is that the Lymphoma will probably eventually be the killer. It’s funny as I use the expression “we” a lot, but it’s not me that is affected by this directly, it is my wife who has the Sword of Damacles hanging over her. I keep telling her that 50% of people with her particular cancer live 10 years or more after diagnosis, but for some reason this doesn’t appear to cheer her up. However, the big change in the last two years has clearly been Covid and how this affects people who are vulnerable.
I currently find myself waking every morning, once we have had our family group hug in bed, with our little one leaping all over my wife and I then the feeling of dread starts to creep over me again! I feel like I am standing on the edge of a cliff, looking down and can see nothing but darkness in front of me. I get breathless and often feel quite tearful – I am sure that someone will tell me to talk to someone, but it is really difficult, I have to be there and be strong for my wife. I know, in all likelihood what I am experiencing is depression, and I am not sure any amount of talking to people is going to change anything. I mean, it’s not going to actually kill me, is it?
It’s like this every morning now, but was probably at it’s worst this morning after the government’s scrapping of all restrictions. I see people “celebrating” getting back to normal, cheers in the Houses of Parliament, as Boris Johnson uses the lifting of the restrictions as a means to cling onto his job and not a mention, not even a whisper for those poor people who are still in fear of their lives.
"What’s the problem, you have had your jabs", I hear people say – in fact my wife has her fourth Covid jab coming up next weekend and we have the knowledge that should my wife catch Covid we have a nice PCR test kit sitting in the cupboard, kindly donated by the government, as our main means of protection now. Actually, that’s not true, we have generated our own level of protections. Like many people immunocompromised, we have no idea if the vaccines will offer any protection at all.
Our food deliveries again come courtesy of the supermarket delivery vans. Prior to Omicron I had started venturing to our local supermarket at 6am to get fresh fruit and veg, but we decided this was too risky, especially as people didn’t appear to do something simple like pop a face mask on while shopping.
Apart from going out for our daily walks we don’t leave the house – imagine that, 22 months of not going “out”, no pub, no football, no, well anything really!
So here we are, 22 months down the line. My wife’s cancer is still currently under control, my Dad has spent his second Christmas without my Mum, his wife of 60 odd years and The Albion continue to delight and offer some light relief from the everyday shit.
I could have written on and on and on about how we have coped over the last two years, how we have laughed and cried and celebrated small gains, but then cried as they were snatched away again.
All I hope is that anyone reading this can just stop for a minute, please don’t feel sorry for us, enjoy your freedoms, as it has been a long time coming, but please just spare us and all the vulnerable a thought.
Up The Albion!
Thanks for the update, all the best to you and yours. A post a lot of NSC should read.