I'm shit with money

[tedebear]

Adrie.

I don't know you, but may I suggest that you try to look at yourself and work out what you do like about yourself, and what you don't like but you can change.

For example, I am relatively short (5' 7"). I would like to be taller, but I can't change that so there's no point really dwelling on it. However, I am very fit, healthy and content/happy. These are the parts of my life I can control, so I do and am focussed upon doing it.

Set yourself realistic goals, things that you can achieve in the short-term. Once you start achieving these, then set you goals slightly higher. For example, you say that your presonnel hygiene is not very good. Well, goal 1 can be to improve that. Another important thing is get fit; you will really feel so much better about yourself. If you're unfit now, it will take time, but I promise you that the benefit you will feel in self-esteem in a few months will really help you in so many ways. YOu'll feel physically better, but alos your self-confidence will improve as you will feel emotionally better about yourself. If you don't like yourself, how do you expect someone else to. Focus on yourself for the short-term (and I don't mean be selfish), and then other things will improve by themselves.

Next, gambling. Why do you gamble? Do you honestly think that you are going to change your life by winning loads of money? The only people who are winning are the ones who are taking your money. Accept that nearly all gamblers lose money over the long-term.

Having a girlfrien won't make you happy. It will change your life in the short-term in what you do, but being with someone can make you miserable as much as making you happy. Look at the amount of unhappy people in relationships. Try to think about what gives you pleasure in life.

I'd go along with all that. Its very good advice indeed.

What I'd expand on is where Larus mentions short term, don't focus on a week, a month or a year, try and focus on each day. Go to bed each night looking forward to tomorrow, with a few simple goals to achieve....ie tomorrow I'm going to do some exercise or tomorrow I'm going to get a haircut have a bloody good shower shave, book for the dentists or what ever area you want to work on etc.etc. Do it, get it done, and you'll feel you've achieved something and can go to bed that night feeling a bit happier with yourself and looking forward to doing something else tomorrow.

It's all one day at a time, and the little things each day will add up to achieving your bigger goals.

 

[Eggmundo]

start taking drugs. lots of drugs.

LOTS

 

[rool]

I know NSC isn't the samaritans but people have admitted all sorts of things over the years on here and got far more supportive replies than many have given on this thread.

Ok, it may be attention seeking, but it may also be a genuine request for some kind of help or reassurance from someone feeling lonely and isolated. It is often easier to do this online to people you don't know.

I have done it in the past and a good supportive site is www.dailystrength.org

 

[Mellor 3 Ward 4]

My god - how do you pick the bones out of that? WEll perspective dear boy would be a start.

You do not have to walk 50 miles across war torn countryside, then lug 20 litres of rat infested brown water all the way home without getting shot.

Youa re not holed up in a rat hole somewhere outside Kabul or Baghdad wondering if today ios the day you take one in the guts and watch your intestines spill into your hands and realise that your going to die without ever seeing home again.

You are not going to spend Christmas day under London Bridge with your whole worldly goods in your pockets, the cold eating through your bones, knowing that somewhere in middle England your 'family' are sitting down to Turkey glad that you are not with them.

You are not going to be spending christmas day looking into the eyes of your children knowing that this will be your last with them due to your terminal illness.

In fact you ahave been a bit of a tit, let yourself go a bit and are having problems pulling.

Get a grip dear boy, pull yourself together and do something about it. Self flagellation and public displays of self-wallowing pity will not the man rebuild.

Head up, seize the day and act like a man. You know what I mean? A man, a gentleman, a real man.

Well done and carry on.

It really is great to have you back DT, those are wise words indeed.

 

[Trufflehound]

Might I suggest anger management:

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Or failing that, alcohol:

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[lovelyboy]

Sounds like you need a good old crank!!

 

[Simster]

I know NSC isn't the samaritans but people have admitted all sorts of things over the years on here and got far more supportive replies than many have given on this thread.

Ok, it may be attention seeking, but it may also be a genuine request for some kind of help or reassurance from someone feeling lonely and isolated. It is often easier to do this online to people you don't know.

I have done it in the past and a good supportive site is www.dailystrength.org

I don't doubt what you say, but the difference is that this particular user does it on a tediously regular basis. If he really does have issues, then there are places that might actually be able to help.

 

[Man of Harveys]

I'd just f***ing give up, to be honest. It's pretty much all downhill from here anyway. f*** it all. No point whatsoever.

(I don't mean this at all, btw, I'm just filling time before the office Xmas party tonight).

 

[sir albion]

Can't wait until the new year. I have had two years of consecutive shit. Most, in fact all of it my fault.

I am determined to start a new leaf. 2008 is going to be the penultimate year.

I've had a gambling problem. Ive never had a job and don't understand the true value of money. I will never get a girlfriend because my personal hygiene has been disgusting and the fact I cover everything up and lie, people dont want f*** all to do with me. Being a way from home has helped me realise mistakes, even though its made me to do them again to recognise them.

The first stage is admitting it, and be truthful. I'm not proud, but letting everyone know, and being honest to everyone as well as towards myself - will help me rehabilate myself.

Christ you are a right stinky loser

 

[Stat Brother]

Another thing, if possible, assuming you can do it correctly.
Or failing that, bear this in mind, for when you are up and running & looking forward.

Get a dog (of the canine variety).

That way you have to go out, at least twice a day, everyday, whatever the weather, you both will feel so much better, and most people will stop and talk to you, or your dog.

 

[¡Cereal Killer!]

Hey Adrie,

I know you have a lot on your shoulders (or how ever you spell it), but thats life, you are at Uni to get the qualifications so you can do what you want to do for the rest of your life (Digital Photography was it?), so what if your personal hygeyne isnt great, so what if you have no girlfriend or job or money, the most important thing is YOU ARE YOU! you might take other people advice on this thread, you might not, but at the end of the day you are who you are and you cannot change that.
Yes, you might be able to keep yourself clean then GREAT, you might get yourself fitter and get yourself a girlfriend - BRILLIANT, but take it one step at a time. learn how to walk before running. Things will pick up once you start getting into the habit of cleaning yourself and getting a job.

You admit to having hygene problems - ok, well you can work on that easily, shower once or twice a day and wash your face and hands more regulary, and only ear the same clothes twice a week (unless it is underwear then just the once) and wash them regularly. dont become a freak about it though, your hygene is probably better than you realise.

Have you looked for jobs yet? if not, start ASAP, try shops or bars/pubs, even try your hand on Kitchen Portering or Wairering (its funner than it sounds, you meet great people, I have done both (well im working full-time as a porter at the moment) and have made some great friends)

As for girlfriend - f*** having a girlfriend, that will come in time, you need to worry about getting the money to be able to fianance being able to do stuff with the girl (and trust me, if you get them bored by doing the same things all the time cos you cant afford it, it will get boring for both of you and will probably come to a quick end) and also, girls dont really like there guys smelly.
You will find that most girls (especially at our age) are very shallow and will only judge the book by the cover so to speak (these are normally the prettier/richer girls), but there are some girls who will read inside you and will see the nice, fun loving guy who you reaqlly are deep inside.
Just be nice to people, dont be to nice (that really creeps girls out (as you found out with Mihaela)) and show them who you really are, if they dont like who you really are, then f*** 'em (not literally of course (unless they actually want to))

It seems like you know what where you are going wrong in life, but do you have the will power to actually start doing something about it.

(my fingers hurt now )

 

[Franks Wild Years]

A dog this evening.

 

[Bad Ash]

Another thing, if possible, assuming you can do it correctly.
Or failing that, bear this in mind, for when you are up and running & looking forward.

Get a dog (of the canine variety).

That way you have to go out, at least twice a day, everyday, whatever the weather, you both will feel so much better, and most people will stop and talk to you, or your dog.

How many students do you know who buy themselves a dog? I've heard stories of some buying dog food, but not a dog.

Ignoring the cost and the fact almost no student accomodation would allow it I reckon you might be on to something. Dogs stink, so it would go some way to mask the lack of hygine.

 

[Beach Hut]

Suggest you try Gamblers Anonymous as it will help, unfortunately (and I won't bore you all as you know my opinion) gambling is far to accessible now days with internet and must be very simple to get addicted.

Personal hygene is a lot easier to resolve, have pride and belief in yourself. Clean and wash regularly and use deodorant and after shave it will soon get sorted.

Appearance - use some of the money you save on gambling tgo buy some new clothes.

 

[Stat Brother]

How many students do you know who buy themselves a dog? I've heard stories of some buying dog food, but not a dog.

Ignoring the cost and the fact almost no student accomodation would allow it I reckon you might be on to something. Dogs stink, so it would go some way to mask the lack of hygine.

Hence me saying:-
"Or failing that, bear this in mind, for when you are up and running & looking forward".

There's no reason why he couldn't take a dog out, from a nearby home, on a walk.

The principle is the same, it gets you out & people WILL talk to you, increasing self asteem and social skills, without the 'pressure' of a pub/club enviroment.

 

[seagullsovergrimsby]

Speak to GA as they are non judgemental about your addiction , you hear all those stories about people making a shedload of dosh playing online poker and it's a load of old bollocks , the only bastards making any money are the websites. My Dad has been gambling on the dogs and horses for 60 years and he's never won a fortune , even a reasonable win would eventually go back to the bookies. Gambling is a mugs game.

When you get up in the morning have a shit-shave-shower and use some anti perspirant , that should be alright to last all day - if you're going out in the evening take another shower or at least a strip wash to freshen up.

Do some exercise but dont overdo it to begin with and build up gradually and you'll become fitter. If you get a job in a pub/restaurant/takeaway/supermarket you will be getting exercise from just working there. Think positive and you'll notice the difference over a period of time , thats when you will begin scoring with the ladies.

 

[ben andrews' girlfriend]

Simple Ways to change your life:

1) Weekly budgets will sort out your money.
2) Wash 2 times a day, invest in a good anti-perspirant
3) Turn your computer off, and get a hobby. You are at university - there are HUNDREDS of things to do, and the more clubs you join, the more people you'll meet
4) Start some excercise, even if you dont have the money to buy a bike / gym membership. You have legs, use them!
5) Getting a job is by no means difficult. Go to your local / SU bar / shops. Build a decent CV which points out your strengths - if you need help with that, I can always help.
6) Girls will come when you are happy with you. Get yourself sorted before even thinking about dating, because no-one wants someone who is self depricating.

 

[ben andrews' girlfriend]

When you get up in the morning have a shit-shave-shower and use some anti perspirant , that should be alright to last all day - if you're going out in the evening take another shower or at least a strip wash to freshen up.

Do some exercise but dont overdo it to begin with and build up gradually and you'll become fitter. If you get a job in a pub/restaurant/takeaway/supermarket you will be getting exercise from just working there. Think positive and you'll notice the difference over a period of time , thats when you will begin scoring with the ladies.

That's almost the same thing as i have written - oooh err!

 

[seagullsovergrimsby]

That's almost the same thing as i have written - oooh err!

Laura , you put it from a girly point of view.

 

[Lord Bracknell]

I don't often dish out advice to anyone, let alone on NSC. But have this for free ...

Get a part-time job and commit yourself to doing it.

You'll find that you will be expected to jump to someone else's tune. Tell yourself that you will enjoy doing that - and that you are doing it for the money.

You may find that this helps you to become less self-obsessed. And there lies your liberation.