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How do I kill the foxes in my garden?



Uncle Spielberg

Well-known member
Jul 6, 2003
43,093
Lancing
No need to kill the foxes in your garden in London. All you have to do is knock down their current habitat and put up eighteen storeys of flat-pack flats, some of them 'affordable' to mammals earning £450K a year, then relocate aforesaid foxes somewhere really REALLY shit.

Nailed it right there
 




Cheggers

Well-known member
Jul 28, 2011
382
Bang! And the dirt is gone.
Coax them out by offering them a signed picture of Malcolm Hebden, AKA Norris Cole from Coronation Street. It's a known fact that all foxes enjoy Corrie. Once they're out of the den, wine and dine them with a good single malt and plenty of pineapple and cheese on cocktail stick-type snacks (also a favourite of foxes), and calmly explain to them that you're a bit messed up and for some reason want to destroy the beautiful creatures as they hinder the entrance to your shed/'man cave'/w#nking den.
 






The Andy Naylor Fan Club

Well-known member
Aug 31, 2012
5,160
Right Here, Right Now
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Superphil

Dismember
Jul 7, 2003
25,679
In a pile of football shirts
Each evening go and have a wee around the perimeter of your garden (inside your garden, not outside, you might get arrested). It works for me in my West Sussex garden, it might work for you.
 




Vicar!

Well-known member
Jul 22, 2003
1,238
Worthing
Each evening go and have a wee around the perimeter of your garden (inside your garden, not outside, you might get arrested). It works for me in my West Sussex garden, it might work for you.

I have a whole family of them, they are welcome to use the bottom half of the garden, and are delightful. We keep the border by putting down fox repellent, yup its pee. Piss in the watering can, and then 'water', repeat after rain.
 




DJ NOBO

Well-known member
Jul 18, 2004
6,815
Wiltshire
The thread title has the ring of a Morrissey B-side
 


Sussex Nomad

Well-known member
Aug 26, 2010
18,185
EP
Ask one of your local friendly jihadists to practice suicide bombing on the den, with a bit of luck they'll take you out in the process? Hope this helps.
 










jameswestport

New member
Sep 7, 2011
927
You don't kill them as they are wonderful animals and would love them in my garden :)

They make terrible noises and give my dad nightmares. We've also just laid a new lawn and its only a matter of time before they dig holes in it.

Wild foxes are OK creatures. These city foxes are no more than vermin. The rats don't bother me at all..

I wouldn't kill them myself personally as I love animals but my dad keeps running out with the shovel and I'm afraid he'll hurt himself.
 


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