[Help] Has anyone WITH responsibilities ever just quit their job with no backup plan?

[LamieRobertson]

My job is making me ill.
I should have left ages ago.

I'm in need of some courage.

Wish you all the best SB ..i had a back up plan and didn’t if that makes sense…my job involving commercial property loan recoveries for a bank in the early 90’s was driving me over the edge..i hardly ever took time off (probably my undoing) and then started to be signed off for weeks ..once a couple of months and i had a very young family to support…fortunately my boss (the best ever) got me a redundancy package which gave me about 6/9 months to pave out a new career…i had no idea what it would be and had lost all my confidence, even in going out the front door to food shop…i kinda fell in to what i do now….took me a while to earn a living wage, but the alternative had no future.

 

[Bold Seagull]

Hi Stat,

Once you know in your gut, and it is impacting your mental health, hard not to just push the button and do what you know you want to happen. Hard not to put off a decision when you know it's what you want.

I'd have a proper look at the minimum you can live on, work out how long you've got where you could be out of work and take it from there. If you can't keep going for over 2 or 3 months then keep working and find a job while you're in the job. Thing is about that is you'll likely go from this job straight into the new job, maybe with some weeks off, possibly a month if you are lucky - which might not give you time to reset / refresh or whatever.

If however leading a fairly restrained existence, you could happily survive for a good 6 months or more maybe, then quitting might free your mind up, take the weight of the world off your shoulders, and actually give you a better chance of getting the next job you want, or at least tolerate better because you will have released your mind up. You don't want the worry of something not turning up hitting you though as that could be just as debilitating so you need the confidence (which sounds like you know you have the experience / skills) that even kicking around the house for a few weeks / months - something is going to turn up, but it's important to you it's the right thing, not just the next thing.

Not sure there is a right or wrong answer. Very personal choice based on your confidence and any anxiety toward risk. If being without an income is going to cause as much stress and anxious thoughts as being in the job you have currently, you may as well stay in the job until you find the right offer. If you might actually enjoy some time after quitting, perhaps seeing yourself getting out on the bike for a couple of months while searching the marketplace reasonably relaxed, then that could be a really worthwhile time getting your head straight.

 

[MJsGhost]

Its funny because I'm not a key employee, but every single time, genuinely every time, I return from holiday, all I get is thank God you're back it's been awful here!

Today ive had separate managers giving tours of the department.
When they get to my work station, you'd think they were talking about Steve Jobs, not just a jobbie.

Nerve centre, critical, most difficult job, needs to be perfect - on and on.
One of them, 10 minutes later, reappeared only to ask a seriously f**king remedial question.

He'll not do that again!

I'm not sure what definition of 'key employee' you're using, but what you describe there fits mine.

From your other posts, it sounds like you've tried to make your position clear to management, but the likelihood is that it hasn't sunk in how serious you are/the situation is. I'd wager that they will take it very seriously when you hand your notice in and probably do what they can to keep you. Too little, too late by then though in all likelihood.

As I said in an earlier post, you should look after your mental health, so should consider going off sick if it gets too much (only you know what too much feels like). When they ask a reason, leave them in no doubt that the cause is stress due to all the things you've been trying to tell them for months. It'll probably sink in then.

you'd think they were talking about Steve Jobs, not just a jobbie.

 

[Stat Brother]

You do sound like a bit of a nightmare employee
I’m going to stick my neck out and advise you to stay. Sounds like you will be running the place in no time.

No chance, they've created an arse!

I'm now the cantankerous old tosspot with no 'i can't believe you just said that' filter.

 

[Tim Over Whelmed]

Yeah the problem I have is that I don't really have any interest in what I do.

I fell into my career and now I'm realising it doesn't fill me with any joy whatsoever. Changing jobs would work in the short-term because I'd be meeting new colleagues and working with a different infrastructure but ultimately I'd end up back here.

I plan on taking the time to retrain.

You work for a long time, you've got to try to find something you love or at least can comfortably tolerate!

Look at all the great entrepreneurs, they are passionate about their business or product, but carve a way in their businesses to make it work for them.

 

[Swansman]

Not been in that situation but I do know that you have exactly one life and if something eating a third or more of your average day makes you feel bad, its just not worth it. There was some book written by some Australian nurse where they went through the top 5 death bed regrets and "working too much" was the number one. Too many stick with a job they dont like for too long... and there is no chance to rewind time. Get out.

 

[BNthree]

Slightly off topic but relevant: I hate doing job interviews and the whole process of applying for jobs. I was in a similar situation to Stat Bro in I had a job that was making me depressed and wanted out. I was applying for loads of jobs and reckon I must have reeked of desperation in the interviews and wasn't getting anywhere. A friend told me not to think of it as me trying to find the best answers to their questions so they'll employ me but rather just a chat about the post and about myself. Once I shifted my mindset to thinking it's not a test where I need to do things in a certain way and instead thought of it as a conversation I got the job at the next interview I went to. Which I was very happy about and I'm still with the same employer now 16 years later.

 

[FamilyGuy]

Is there an HR dept of any sort? With the job making you ill, you really shouldn't have any second thoughts about calling in sick. Don't fall into the "mental health issues aren't reasons to be off work" trap.

If you were exposed to chemicals at work that made you sick, you'd take time off to recover and refuse to go back until you were no longer exposed, right?

Being exposed to toxic colleagues/culture/working practice that impacts your mental health is no different.

If there's any sort of half-decent HR process around sickness absence, you'll be asked if your illness was caused by anything at work, so the issues will be raised officially and might be improved

Ultimately, it's likely you'll leave, rather than anything meaningful being done to improve your situation there, but the sickness absence will take you away from a toxic situation and give you time to find something else in the meantime.

Without knowing the job market for what you do and how long you can manage with no income, it's impossible to say whether or not I'd just walk in your situation. I do agree with the many on the thread who advise finding something before you walk though. It might be tough to stick it out while you do, but not half as tough as running out of money and feeling guilty about the call you made to walk... The only caveat to that is pushing yourself to the point of a blow-up / breakdown is no good for you or your family, so if you get anywhere near that, get the fvck out of Dodge - you & your family will survive better on a shoestring than with you in a mess!

Good luck with whatever you do Stat, but make sure you do something rather than let it fester and worsen.

100% this.

I was there, I did this, and it worked. and I walked off with £15k in my pocket (to keep my mouth shut) from the company that created the situation. (I did use a friendly solicitor to get the extra money)

I then used the time it gave me and my (genuine) reputation in "the industry" to move to a much more enjoyable job, with much nicer people and as a result helped triple the turnover of the company.

 

[MTSeagulls]

I did in 2017. I got a job as accountant in a hotel in Tipperary for a company that takes over hotels in trouble.
I should have know at the interview what it would be like but it offered a lot more money than my previous position.
I have never worked for a company with as much aggression and bullying towards it's staff in all my life. The MD would text me at 6am in the morning and 11pm at night.
I just walked out after three weeks.

 

[Weststander]

My two pennies worth.

Get another job, any job you won’t mind for a year or two - ideas; supermarket, supermarket delivery, building labourer. As a stopgap, but you never know. It will also take the pressure off if and when you do have a serious look at a longterm alternative.

Only then, leave that awful situation immediately.

Your OP is spot in. Your wellbeing is everything, life’s too short, get out.

One or the greatest thing I ever did, was escaping the employment clutches of a shit-stirring narcissist.

Good luck btw. You will not regret taking control back of your life.

You’ll become an even better Dad. A friend was in a high pressure, long hours project manager role on good money, self aware he noticed that his wine consumption had crept up and he’d become a bit unreasonable husband/dad. He left for a similar job but on much reduced pay, working for decent bosses. Overnight it solved everything.

 

[South Stand Bonfire]

There's always been a reason to not 'rock the boat' (responsibilities).

The job is weighing on me.
Today I've returned from 3 weeks holiday.
I was happy enough coming back but within an hour found myself 'triggered' as if I'd never been away.

Now they tell me I'm getting a substantial pay rise in April - another millstone!!!

I know I need to get out, esp before I get used to the money.
But I don't have anything else, I have responsibilities and very little in the way of fall back money

I don’t think the first day back after three weeks holiday is the best time to decide. Keep your plans open and start planning new opportunities in the next few weeks. See what’s out there and then implement your plans.

My golden rule is never bust a gut on your first day back because you will be out of routine and accept the first weeks work after a holiday is particularly sh1t.

 

[Weststander]

I know responsibilities make things difficult sometimes, but if something's making you ill you need to change it.

I always think its easy for people to say do what makes you happy, but that can be really hard to work out or find. There is one thing you owe yourself in life and that is don't do things that make you unhappy. My advice is 100% make a change, you'll feel so much better for it.

 

[Weststander]

The HR route is risky though. It’s easy to forget that they are on the side of the employer rather than the employee. I’ve never trusted them and would not share any problems with them. In my experience the best solution is find a new employer ASAP.

Exactly.

And I’ve been privy to the real behind closed doors discussions between owners/top people and HR experts, after staff come them with issues such as stress, depression, loss of motivation.

In truth, covering all bases so that there’s no later employment law comeback (£££££ compensation, damages), also sometimes “How can we squeeze the problem employee out the door”).

 

[Fromthesouth]

Can you get yourself signed off with stress, which sounds like it wouldn't be a lie, and use that time to have a good look round for something else. Also you wouldn't have the stress of trying to take time off work for an interview, and your getting paid. Someone at my place has just come back after seven weeks off with stress and into the third day he,s stressed again. He's now actively looking for something else. Good luck and hope you find something.

 

[Perkino]

Find the right job and you'll never work a day in your life

 

[Change at Barnham]

If you have a partner, you need your partner to be 100% supportive of your decision otherwise you will be carrying around a barrow load of guilt for letting down others.

It also would obviously be helpful if your current outgoings aren't excessive.

 

[bluenitsuj]

Yes. The stress of my job was taking over so I gave my 3 month notice in October which ended at the end of January. My employer has kept me on doing projects but I will be leaving for good end March.
I start a new career change job at end of March and cannot wait

 

[Chicken Run]

No you've missed the point.
I was struggling long before 3 weeks off.
I've spoken to the biggest boss I can about it
Upon returning too work, within the hour, I was right back to how I left the place.


I've been a weapon (doubt you missed that point )

I've wanted out for ages, my CV is done, I've had a couple of interviews, got low balled on wage and another job was a wrong'un.

Ive put up excuse after excuse, 'not a good time', pandemic, moving house' etc.

I know I really need to get out, I can't sleep, I'm proper stressed, very angry and short tempered (completely out of character).

Yet being so done in by it, and worn down by life (and work) I just can't find the ooomph to move on.


I guess I just need to be pushed, but I'm so (small c) conservative with an almost totally reflective character trait, I can't bring myself to do what's needed.

Hence throwing open the doors to the great and good of NSC.

Ok Stat, my advice would be to get another job first, I say this for two reasons, most people at some point in work life are surrounded by a never ending supply of ********s but remember they are your ********s and you know how to play them, better the devil you know right?

The second reason is the more serious part, if your job is as bad as you say it is and you haven’t motivated yourself to get a new one, how motivated are you going to be then when you’re not in that environment( sitting at home ), you could blink and lose six months before you new it, then your CV is looking really flakey mate.

Btw were you away for those three weeks or staycation ? (You know why I’m asking that don’t you)

Good luck.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Pro

 

[Neville's Breakfast]

Can you get yourself signed off with stress, which sounds like it wouldn't be a lie, and use that time to have a good look round for something else. Also you wouldn't have the stress of trying to take time off work for an interview, and your getting paid. Someone at my place has just come back after seven weeks off with stress and into the third day he,s stressed again. He's now actively looking for something else. Good luck and hope you find something.

Good grief. The Asian tiger economies will be quaking in their boots.

 

[HalfaSeatOn]

Ive looked for a new job whilst still in a despised job. It is cathartic in itself as you know you are on the road to leaving. I took a career change, lower pay but much more enjoyable.