Following on from the 'annoying habits' thread, here's some NSC love for our partners. Some of you have met my wife and it's common knowledge that I'm batting way above my average with her.
I had a knee reconstruction operation three weeks ago which has left me unable to walk without crutches since then. I'm in a full leg brace and not allowed to bear any weight on the affected knee.
This has constrained me far worse than I'd envisaged, and my wife has to help me dress, shower, I cannot cook, drive or even sit in the front of car as I'm lanky. This is quite embarrassing in many regards, as we all consider ourselves to be independent and losing that does cause some self-reflection, but also an appreciation that this is a temporary matter and for others it is more long term. So far so good, I'm appreciative of all the help she's given, but I think most of us would expect our partners to do the same.
I'm also taking medications following the operation, which have as a side affect stopped me going for a POO on a regular basis, and when I do it's big, smelly and hard, a bit like Neil Ruddock but in turd form.
To save some self worth I've managed to hop to the toilet whenever needed, and developed a sit down and wipe technique that whilst time consuming, seemed to work, and have permitted an element of self dignity.
Last week however the wheels fell off. Feeling the urge to have a sit down adventure after five days egg bound, I made my way to the toilet, dropped a depth charge, wiped, flushed and then managed to stand up, only to be faced by a jobbie that can best be described as a brownberg, 9/10 below the water and could possible sink the Titanic if it was in open water.
I then flushed again, again and again, but this was a non-moving number two, and was taking no encouragement to shift. I then, very embarrassed, had to call my wife and explain the situation, being on crutches I couldn't do much more myself.
It's fairly humiliating to have to show your PLOP to the woman you love, she tried flushing a few times herself but to no avail. She then showed her true love by popping down to the kitchen and cutting the plop with a pair of chopsticks* a couple of times (whilst wearing rubber gloves and trying not to gag on the fumes). This woeked successfully and the brown flotilla then was able to sail around the U-bend to its proper destination.
I can only describe her act as one of true love, cutting up your partner's Douglas Hurds into more manageable chunks is not part of the contrat when you walk up the aisle together, but I've concluded that she'd definitely a keeper.
Here's to TOP TOP BIRDS
*although I was slightly nervous when she cooked chicken fried rice later that day and served it with chopsticks.
I had a knee reconstruction operation three weeks ago which has left me unable to walk without crutches since then. I'm in a full leg brace and not allowed to bear any weight on the affected knee.
This has constrained me far worse than I'd envisaged, and my wife has to help me dress, shower, I cannot cook, drive or even sit in the front of car as I'm lanky. This is quite embarrassing in many regards, as we all consider ourselves to be independent and losing that does cause some self-reflection, but also an appreciation that this is a temporary matter and for others it is more long term. So far so good, I'm appreciative of all the help she's given, but I think most of us would expect our partners to do the same.
I'm also taking medications following the operation, which have as a side affect stopped me going for a POO on a regular basis, and when I do it's big, smelly and hard, a bit like Neil Ruddock but in turd form.
To save some self worth I've managed to hop to the toilet whenever needed, and developed a sit down and wipe technique that whilst time consuming, seemed to work, and have permitted an element of self dignity.
Last week however the wheels fell off. Feeling the urge to have a sit down adventure after five days egg bound, I made my way to the toilet, dropped a depth charge, wiped, flushed and then managed to stand up, only to be faced by a jobbie that can best be described as a brownberg, 9/10 below the water and could possible sink the Titanic if it was in open water.
I then flushed again, again and again, but this was a non-moving number two, and was taking no encouragement to shift. I then, very embarrassed, had to call my wife and explain the situation, being on crutches I couldn't do much more myself.
It's fairly humiliating to have to show your PLOP to the woman you love, she tried flushing a few times herself but to no avail. She then showed her true love by popping down to the kitchen and cutting the plop with a pair of chopsticks* a couple of times (whilst wearing rubber gloves and trying not to gag on the fumes). This woeked successfully and the brown flotilla then was able to sail around the U-bend to its proper destination.
I can only describe her act as one of true love, cutting up your partner's Douglas Hurds into more manageable chunks is not part of the contrat when you walk up the aisle together, but I've concluded that she'd definitely a keeper.
Here's to TOP TOP BIRDS
*although I was slightly nervous when she cooked chicken fried rice later that day and served it with chopsticks.
