Favourite t.v comedy lines

[Lady Whistledown]

Melchett "Alright, at ease, Bob, stand easy. Captain Blackadder: this is Bob"

Blackadder: "Bob?"

Bob: "Good morning sir!"

Blackadder: "Unusual name for a girl?"

Melchett: "Well yes, it would be an unusual name for a girl, but it's a perfectly straightforward name for a young chap like you eh Bob? Now Bob, I want you to bunk up with Captain Blackadder for a few days, alright?"

Bob: "Oh yes sir!"

Melchett: "I think you'll find Bob just the man for this job, Blackadder. He has a splendid sense of humour".

Blackadder: "He, sir? He? He?"

Melchett: "You see, Blackadder, you're laughing already!".

 

[airman]

"It's MY arse on the line and I don't want a cock up!" - Insp Grimm, The Thin Blue Line. Ben Elton's writing at it's best!

 

[Lyndhurst 14]

Not the Nine O’clock News

[a scientist is being interviewed about his project to communicate with a gorilla sitting next to him]
Interviewer: Professor, can Gerald really speak as we would understand it?
Prof. Timothy Fielding: Oh yes, yes. He can speak a few actual words. Of course it was extremely difficult to get him even to this stage. When I first captured Gerald in the Congo, '67 I think it was...
Gerald, the Gorilla: '68
Prof. Timothy Fielding: '68. Umm... there was an awful lot of work to do. He was enormously slow and difficult. I had to do a lot of work with him on a sort of one-to-one basis...
Gerald, the Gorilla: [interrupting] Yes, yes, if I might just butt at this point Tim, I think I should point out that I have done a considerable amount of work on this project myself and if I may say so your teaching methods do leave a bit to be desired...
Prof. Timothy Fielding: That's a bit ungrateful, isn't it?
Gerald, the Gorilla: ...and your diction for instance...
Prof. Timothy Fielding: I'm sorry, I'm sorry! Can I put this into some sort of perspective? When I caught Gerald in '68 he was completely wild.
Gerald, the Gorilla: Wild? I was absolutely livid!

 

[Nigella's Cream Pie]

Another Fletcher, from many quotes at http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Porridge
Fletch [to Godber]: We could go out, you know... yeah, I could phone up a couple of them dolly birds that dance on Top of the Pops. What are they called? Pan's People. There's one special one - beautiful Babs. Dunno what her name is.

 

[KVLT]

Fawlty Towers:

O'Reilly the builder (having already begun several sentences with "If the good lord...")

O'Reilly: "If the good lord..."
Basil: "...Is mentioned one more time I shall move you closer to him!"

 

[Lyndhurst 14]

“Yes Minister” had so many.

Sir Humphrey’s approach to crisis management.

“Any crisis, large or small, can be dealt with in Britain
by following the standard government four-stage plan. The
press releases for this are as follows:

1. "We don't think there is a problem. No action needs
to be taken."

2. "There may be a slight problem, but it's not our place
to try to do anything about it."

3. "There may well be a problem, but we must consider all
possible courses of action and not rush into anything."

4. "Well, perhaps we could have done something, but it's
too late now!"

 

[RowleyBirkinQ.C(deceased)]

Kryton- we're stuck in quarantine for 5 days
Lister- we'll be fine, we're boys from the dwarf
Kryton- hmm, Jean-Paul sartra said that hell is being locked up with your friends.
Lister- yer but all his mates were French


Sent by Derek Acorah via the spirit world.