"Choose Life. Choose a job. Choose a career. Choose a family. Choose a f*cking big television, choose washing machines, cars, compact disc players and electrical tin openers. Choose good health, low cholesterol, and dental insurance. Choose fixed interest mortgage repayments. Choose a starter home. Choose your friends. Choose leisurewear and matching luggage. Choose a three-piece suit on hire purchase in a range of f*cking fabrics. Choose DIY and wondering who the f*ck you are on Sunday morning. Choose sitting on that couch watching mind-numbing, spirit-crushing game shows, stuffing f*cking junk food into your mouth. Choose rotting away at the end of it all, pissing your last in a miserable home, nothing more than an embarrassment to the selfish, f*cked up brats you spawned to replace yourselves. Choose your future. Choose life." Renton in Trainspotting, after watching that film I'm definitely choosing life!
King of Swamp Castle: You only killed the bride's father, you know.
Sir Lancelot: Well, I didn't mean to.
King of Swamp Castle: Didn't mean to? You put your sword right through his head.
Sir Lancelot: Oh dear... is he all right?
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'You won't know him, He's mustard'
'Mustard? I don't care if He's Muhammed 'I'm hard' Bruce Lee, you can't change fighters.
And from the same film
Do you know what "nemesis" means? A righteous infliction of retribution manifested by an appropriate agent. Personified in this case by an 'orrible c'unt... me.
Fast and the Furious 18 (or whatever one they're on now): Ludacris: "we need more than a plan B, we need a plan C, D, E, F... WE NEED MORE ALPHABETS!!!!".
Joking of course, but some great one liners in that film and they take the piss out of themselves throughout it. At least, I hope that's what they're doing!
Doctor in Trouble:
Irene Handl visits the doctor (Leslie Phillips) to discuss contraception for her daughter, he suggests that her daughter go on the pill, but Handl replies that she has tried before but "It kept dropping out".