Hampden Park
Ex R.N.
- Oct 7, 2003
- 4,993
dougdeep said:Why don't elephants like penguins?
footprints in the butter
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Favourite Crap Joke
- Thread starter Soul Finger
- Start date
footprints in the butter
Hampden Park
Ex R.N.
- Oct 7, 2003
- 4,993
two geordies were playing cards in their back garden on a winters day. after dealing one says to the other, "card"?
his mate replies "card! i'm f***ing taiters"
his mate replies "card! i'm f***ing taiters"
Lord Cornwallis
Dust my pants
What's pink and hard first thing in the morning?
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The financial times crossword.
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The financial times crossword.
Eddie the Seagull
New member
Sherlock Holmes says to watson; 'Watson, I'm feeling frisky but there are no women around......'
'Don't worry my dear fellow, use me', says Watson.
With that Watson drops his kaks & bends over a chair.
Holmes then goes to the fridge, grabs a jar of Lemon Curd & smears all over Watsons arse.
'By jove, Holmes, what are you doing?
lemon entry, my dear friend, lemon entry..........
'Don't worry my dear fellow, use me', says Watson.
With that Watson drops his kaks & bends over a chair.
Holmes then goes to the fridge, grabs a jar of Lemon Curd & smears all over Watsons arse.
'By jove, Holmes, what are you doing?
lemon entry, my dear friend, lemon entry..........
Normal Rob
Well-known member
How does an Indian mend his trousers?
With Apache.
boom boom.
With Apache.
boom boom.
Last edited:
Ralph returns from the doctor and tells his wife that the doctor has
told him he has only 24 hours to live. Given this prognosis, Ralph asks
his wife for sex. Naturally, she agrees, and they make love.
About six hours later, the husband goes to his wife and says, "Honey,
you know I now have only 18 hours to live. Could we please do it one
more time?" Of course, the wife agrees and they do it again.
Later, as the man gets into bed, he looks at his watch and realizes he
now has only 8 hours left. He touches his wife's shoulder and asks,
"Honey, please... just one more time before I die ?" She says, "Of
course, dear." And they make love for the third time.
After this session, the wife rolls over & falls asleep. Ralph, however,
worried about his impending death, tosses & turns until he's down to 4
more hours. He taps his wife, who rouses. Honey, I have only 4 more
hours, do you think we could.............? At this point the wife sits
up and says, "Listen Ralph, I have to get up in the morning... You
don't."
told him he has only 24 hours to live. Given this prognosis, Ralph asks
his wife for sex. Naturally, she agrees, and they make love.
About six hours later, the husband goes to his wife and says, "Honey,
you know I now have only 18 hours to live. Could we please do it one
more time?" Of course, the wife agrees and they do it again.
Later, as the man gets into bed, he looks at his watch and realizes he
now has only 8 hours left. He touches his wife's shoulder and asks,
"Honey, please... just one more time before I die ?" She says, "Of
course, dear." And they make love for the third time.
After this session, the wife rolls over & falls asleep. Ralph, however,
worried about his impending death, tosses & turns until he's down to 4
more hours. He taps his wife, who rouses. Honey, I have only 4 more
hours, do you think we could.............? At this point the wife sits
up and says, "Listen Ralph, I have to get up in the morning... You
don't."
Slowhand
New member
Two flies sitting on a turd and one farts and the other says;
'Don't do that when I'm eating my dinner!'
'Don't do that when I'm eating my dinner!'
pasty
A different kind of pasty
Two nuns are the only survivors of a plane crash in the desert. They decide to chance the long walk out. After a couple of days they have run out of water and decide the only solution is pee in their water bottle.
The first nun squats over the bottle and strains and strains until she almost bursts, but nothing comes out. "It's no good" she says to the other one, "You'll have to try". So the other one squats over the bottle and strains and strains and strains. Nothing. She gives it one more hard push....NNNNNGGGGGGGGG, then she farts and the other one pisses herself laughing.
The first nun squats over the bottle and strains and strains until she almost bursts, but nothing comes out. "It's no good" she says to the other one, "You'll have to try". So the other one squats over the bottle and strains and strains and strains. Nothing. She gives it one more hard push....NNNNNGGGGGGGGG, then she farts and the other one pisses herself laughing.
sneakychef
New member
My mate at Uni was very proud when he came up with this one:
"I just failed an exam about worms...
...my teacher said I had poor annelidical skills."
"I just failed an exam about worms...
...my teacher said I had poor annelidical skills."
sneakychef
New member
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