Favourite Crap Joke

[Soul Finger]

I know it's been done loads, but what is your favourite crap joke?


Did you hear about the magic tractor?

It went down the lane and turned into a field

 

[Highfields Seagull]

My dog Minton ate all my shuttlecocks.


Bad Minton

 

[Easy 10]

Whats brown and sticky ?

A stick.

 

[The Auditor]

Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert, wandering aimlessly and close to death.

They are close to just lying down and waiting for the inevitable, when all of a sudden...

"Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell. Ees bacon, I is sure of eet".

"Si, Luis, eet smells like bacon to meee".

So, with renewed strength, they struggle off up the next sand dune, and there, in the distance, is a tree, just loaded with bacon.
There's raw bacon, dripping with moisture, there's fried bacon, back bacon, double smoked bacon...every imaginable kind of cured pig meat you can imagine!!

"Pepe, Pepe, we ees saved. Eees a bacon tree".

"Luis, are sure ees not a meerage? We ees in the desert, don' forget".

"Pepe, when deed you ever hear of a meerage that smell of bacon...ees no meerage, ees a bacon tree".

And with that...Luis races towards the tree. He gets to within 5 metres,

Pepe following closely behind, when all of a sudden, a machine gun opens fire, and Luis is cut down is his tracks. It is clear he is mortally wounded but, true friend that he is, he manages to warn Pepe with his dying breath.

"Pepe...go back man, you was right, ees not a bacon tree"

"Luis, Luis mi amigo...what ees eet?"

"Pepe...ees not a bacon tree....













.........it's a ham bush!!!!!!!

 

[Eddie the Seagull]

Doctor, Doctor I don't know whether I am a Wig-Wam or a Teepee?

I think you're just too tense

 

[Easy 10]

Whats pink and wrinkly and hangs out your trousers ?






Your mum.

 

[Gazwag]

Why have elephant's got big ears



Cos Noddy won't pay the ransom

 

[Minghawk]

what do you call a donkey with 3 legs?
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..
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a wonkey

 

[H block]

Man goes into a Doctors and says, ``Doc you gotta help me I keep thinking I`m a moth``

The Doctor says ``I,m a cardiologist what you need my friend is a pshychatrist, now why did you really come into my office``

The man replied ``your light was on``

 

[Redhead]

How does Bob Marley Like His Doughnuts?

Wi' Jam in

 

[Hiney]

What do you call two rows of cabbages?



A Dual Cabbageway



Boom f***ing Boom

 

[Parson Henry]

This is a classic Tommy Copper.

Patient

"Doctor, doctor, I've just broken my arm in two places"

Doctor

"Don't go to those places again!"

 

[Lokki 7]

What's orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrott.

 

[33057 Seagull]

Very old one this:

Q. What's brown & steamy & come out of cows backwards?

A. The Isle of Wight ferry.

 

[Lokki 7]

How does Bob Marley Like His Doughnuts?

Wi' Jam in

How do the Wailers like their doughnuts?
I don't know.. but I hope they like jam in too.

 

[Hampden Park]

Q whats brown and smelly and sounds like a bell?
A Dung

 

[Soul Finger]

Very old one this:

Q. What's brown & steamy & come out of cows backwards?

A. The Isle of Wight ferry.

I've not heard that before!!

Brilliant

 

[Redhead]

How do the Wailers like their doughnuts?
I don't know.. but I hope they like jam in too.

Class!!!

Whats black and white and eats like a horse?

A Zebra

 

[Icy Gull]

What do you call a deer without eyes

No idea

What do you call a deer without eyes or legs

still no idea

 

[ben andrews' girlfriend]

My dog Minton ate all my shuttlecocks.


Bad Minton