[Misc] Downer thread - breast cancer.

[Garry Nelson's Left Foot]

That's shitty news to get any time let alone at this time of year.

I can add another positive story. My mum (in her 70s)got breast cancer during the covid lockdowns. From the moment of going to the drs to getting radiotherapy was two or three months. She's currently completely clear(touch wood it remains that way).

You and your wife have every chance of having a positive outcome. Good luck to you both.

 

[Brovion]

In a similar vein to the My Prostate and I thread (I though about naming this thread "My Wife's Breasts and I", but decided it might attract the wrong crowd), I hope you will indulge me a little venting into the abyss in the hopes that it'll make me feel a little better about some terrible news I received yesterday sometime after Hinshelwood's goal and before Pedro's penalty (which I missed completely as a result). I hope this doesn't come off as looking for pity. I don't think that's what I'm looking for. I really don't know what I'm looking for, I'm just kinda processing the whole thing at the moment. I'm hoping that maybe by writing it down it'll help me accept that it's real, maybe? Please feel free to put this thread on ignore if you find it too much of a bummer, or just too self-indulgent. I wouldn't hold it against you. I briefly considered dropping this news in the match thread, but decided it wasn't good to ruin other people's enjoyment of the game.

Anyway, after the Mrs had her annual breast exam, she got called back for another look as they determined something looked suss. She went for another exam, and they moved her on for a biopsy of both her breast and the nearest lymph node, which they did just before Christmas.

Yesterday she got a call at work and...yes, it's breast cancer. We aren't yet clear on the full extent of it, more tests will follow including a CT bone scan scheduled for next week. Certainly there will be at least one surgery in the near future and chemo. I hope that's all that will be needed, but of course I can't help my mind wandering over to absolute worst case scenarios. If that CT scan is bad, we could be really f***ed. She turns 47 next month.

We've been married for 22 years, and in that time our lives have become completely intertwined. It would be catastrophic for either of us to lose the other, but I feel terribly guilty when my mind drifts to what that would mean for me. Who would do all that stuff that she usually does for the household? How can I be so selfish as to worry about that?

But, my biggest worry would be the impact on our 11 year-old daughter. She's coming to a hard enough point in her life as it is without this. Again, in the worst case, how the hell would I help an 11 year-old girl navigate the next few years of her life alone? What do I know of lives and challenges of 11 year-old girls? Really nothing at all.

I know this is usually very treatable now. Especially if caught before it spreads too far. There really has never been a better time in history to have cancer. Of course, maybe another few decades down the line would have been better, but we don't get to choose this things.

I'm hoping some catharsis will kick in for me here any moment now...

Anyway, if you read this far, thank you. I know I don't know you, and you don't know me, but I appreciate talking to somebody outside of our lives right now.

Now I need to go get my daughter out of bed (never an easy thing when she's off school) and see if she wants some breakfast.

That is truly shit news, and like everyone else I extend my very best wishes and hopes for the future..

And like some others I can only offer you a tiny tiny crumb of comfort. About fifteen years ago my Mum, then in her mid-70s, found a cancerous lump in her left breast. Her mum, my Nan, had died of breast cancer at the same age and she feared the worst. However she had the lump removed, had some associated treatment, and was given the all-clear with six-monthly check-ups.

As I say that was about 15 years ago. She's now 91 and is still going strong, and she's had no recurrences. All the best to you and your family.

 

[pasty]

As an aside, the day we got the results of the biopsy was not handled too well.

We were in the waiting area of oncology up at RSCH, and a nurse came through and called Mrs P’s name, so we stood up and the nurse then said “ok, would you like to follow me through to the quiet room”

Kind of let us know the results immediately!

 

[Cotton Socks]

Firstly don't feel guilty for your mind going into overdrive, you've both had a big shock. It's completely 100% normal to worry about the worse case scenario and the 'what ifs' & what it would mean for you all. However, you can't let yourself get into a loop of 'what if'. You've said your wife has yearly screenings so that is a positive in the fact that it hasn't been there unnoticed for a while. It's been detected early.
As others have said treatments for breast cancer are very good. You will all have a tough road ahead of you, but the outcome is likely to end with an all clear.
Rest assured that none of us have a clue about the challenges of our kids, no matter what point they are in their lives and what's happening around them & us, we're all blagging it & making it up as we go along and no-one gets it perfectly right.
You have the perfect space for offloading here, there will also probably be others reading that are in the same position as you are now. So if you're worried about posting, consider that you may actually be helping others by doing so. There will be good advice from people I'm sure.
On another note, as this is a predominately male forum, you men have to check your breasts as well. I'm sure most of you have a rummage around your balls & some of you get the kind offer of having a Dr stick a finger up your bum to check your prostate, but you have moobs to, so check them.

 

[Greg Bobkin]

As an aside, the day we got the results of the biopsy was not handled too well.

We were in the waiting area of oncology up at RSCH, and a nurse came through and called Mrs P’s name, so we stood up and the nurse then said “ok, would you like to follow me through to the quiet room”

Kind of let us know the results immediately!

Yep, we've had appointments like that. Once you see a nurse in the room alongside the consultant, you kinda know what to expect...

 

[chickens]

I can offer nothing constructive by way of advice, but I’m absolutely wishing the best to you and your wife.

For your wife that the treatment is quick, effective and inexpensive, and for you the strength to support your wife and daughter, as well as look after yourself as best as anyone can in these circumstances.

 

[Ludensian Gull]

Sorry to hear this news mate, and hoping for good news in the new year. We went through same thing 7 years ago, routine screening found a lump initially thought it was straightforward, remove and all sorted . After biopsy found to have spread and ended up having breast removed followed by chemotherapy, which she was allergic to .After several attempts and two bouts of sepsis they decided to hit it with plenty of radiotherapy. A year later after many discussions she decided to have 2nd Masectomy. 7 years down the line the wife is taking chemotherapy drugs and regular check ups ,all OK. Be strong for her and your daughter, wishing you all the very best .

 

[Motogull]

Frightening news @US Seagull and you have my best wishes.

Sadly, there is a lot of it about. My mum was treated surgically and is well past her 5 year check.

The best advice I can give you is try to respond to what you know, not what you fear Easy to say but try not to let the worst case scenario get the better of you. Your daughter will pick up on that.

Keep us posted but expect an emotional ride.

 

[Fungus]

My wife (late 60's) was also diagnosed after her annual breast examination. This was during the first summer of Covid, which had already slowed the referral and biopsy, and continued to slow the process. After two attempts at limited surgery, it was agreed all round to go for removal and reconstruction, which had quite a long recovery period. She was lucky there was no sign of it spreading, so no chemo or radiotherapy was required. Over three years later, she's still taking some meds, including six-monthly infusions, plus visits to her oncologist for check-ups, but she's currently healthy and "normal", with no reason to worry.

It took a toll on her mental health though, on top of the pandemic restrictions, and all we could do for that was long, long walks every day - luckily, we're retired. For myself, I felt pretty helpless. All I could do was the practical stuff to keep the daily routine going. Try to keep doing the usual things, and try not to worry too far ahead about the unknown possibilities. Take it step by step, appointment by appointment, decision by decision.

Our family are all up-country, and it was difficult to see any of our friends at the time, so unfortunately we dealt with most of this on our own. None of our friends even know. I hope you have some local support, but I'm pleased that you've posted on here, and that people have shared their own experiences.

Good luck to you, your wife, and your daughter.

 

[Fromthesouth]

My mum had it, and had another 30 years on this earth (thank god), you and your wife must be in turmoil worrying over this, really hope you have the same outcome as my mum, will keep everything crossed for you.

 

[The Mole]

Don’t feel bad about thinking about yourself. It is important to care for the carer. It is obvious from your posts that you are not at all selfish in your relationship.

There are a lot of treatments available now and hopefully they have caught it early. There may be a delay in deciding the treatment as they will have a multi disciplinary team meeting involving surgeons, oncologists, radiologists and nurses to come up with the best plan.

I feel for you, I‘ve recently had a minor cancer scare myself which was worrying enough. I do hope everything goes well but as I said at the start try to look after yourself as well.

 

[Cheshire Cat]

A male work colleague had an operation for breast cancer in early December. He said his consultant was very optimistic that they could get it in time, so everything need not be doom and gloom until it has to be.

Try not to panic (although that sounds really trite and will be no help at all)

Don't Google it, and when you do, don't believe most of the rubbish on line. Google will always tell you that you are going to die horribly from everything and anything regardless. It has a dreadful bedside manner.

 

[Peppermint Tea]

Hey man, stay strong. Mrs PT went through this four years ago. Was grim of course but she’s through it and doing brilliantly. V tough for our kids who were 15 and 17 at the time of diagnosis but they have, not by choice, grown as people because of it. Wishing your wife, you and your family all the best.

 

[Weststander]

Needless to say @US Seagull good luck to your wife and a collective love from this neck of the woods.

You’ve done a good thing for you imho by vocalising your emotions just now.

As for your daughter, simply carry on being a great parent and gently check on her throughout, digging deeper if you have concerns that she’s bottling stuff up.

xx

 

[Cheshire Cat]

Your OP doesn’t read as if you’re looking for pity. Instead it reads (to me) as a howl into the ether in anguish and an unspoken appeal for support and help.

I can offer no help having no experience of breast cancer but can and do offer support. There are bound to be plenty of folk on here with direct experience - all of whom I am confident will be more than willing to share their thoughts on various topics you may find helpful.

I wish you, your wife, and your daughter the very best of luck and the strength you need to get through the upcoming months.

If you want or need to howl, then howl loudly and often.

 

[Jimmy Come Lately]

What you wrote didn't read as self-indulgent at all, just as someone who's received a massive shock, something that's too big to take in all at once and sending your mind racing in all directions trying to get a grip on it. If writing it down and posting here helped, it was worth it for that alone.

My mum got breast cancer when I was a teenager and died a couple of years later after the cancer spread to her brain. It was diagnosed very late, though, and the treatments available in the 90s weren't nearly as good as they are now. Your wife's chances are vastly better, as the various positive experiences on this thread show.

I was a bit older than your daughter and by the time my mum died I was away from home at university, but if you want to chat about what it means to get the news about a parent having cancer then feel free to PM me.

My wife died three years ago (not of cancer) in her early fifties so I'm also available to chat about what that feels like and ways of trying to cope with it, but I think that once the initial shock has worn off it's the last thing you'll want to think about. As mentioned, the odds are that it's not something you're going to need to worry about anyway. But if things take a turn for the worse, the offer is open.

 

[Talby]

In a similar vein to the My Prostate and I thread (I though about naming this thread "My Wife's Breasts and I", but decided it might attract the wrong crowd), I hope you will indulge me a little venting into the abyss in the hopes that it'll make me feel a little better about some terrible news I received yesterday sometime after Hinshelwood's goal and before Pedro's penalty (which I missed completely as a result). I hope this doesn't come off as looking for pity. I don't think that's what I'm looking for. I really don't know what I'm looking for, I'm just kinda processing the whole thing at the moment. I'm hoping that maybe by writing it down it'll help me accept that it's real, maybe? Please feel free to put this thread on ignore if you find it too much of a bummer, or just too self-indulgent. I wouldn't hold it against you. I briefly considered dropping this news in the match thread, but decided it wasn't good to ruin other people's enjoyment of the game.

Anyway, after the Mrs had her annual breast exam, she got called back for another look as they determined something looked suss. She went for another exam, and they moved her on for a biopsy of both her breast and the nearest lymph node, which they did just before Christmas.

Yesterday she got a call at work and...yes, it's breast cancer. We aren't yet clear on the full extent of it, more tests will follow including a CT bone scan scheduled for next week. Certainly there will be at least one surgery in the near future and chemo. I hope that's all that will be needed, but of course I can't help my mind wandering over to absolute worst case scenarios. If that CT scan is bad, we could be really f***ed. She turns 47 next month.

We've been married for 22 years, and in that time our lives have become completely intertwined. It would be catastrophic for either of us to lose the other, but I feel terribly guilty when my mind drifts to what that would mean for me. Who would do all that stuff that she usually does for the household? How can I be so selfish as to worry about that?

But, my biggest worry would be the impact on our 11 year-old daughter. She's coming to a hard enough point in her life as it is without this. Again, in the worst case, how the hell would I help an 11 year-old girl navigate the next few years of her life alone? What do I know of lives and challenges of 11 year-old girls? Really nothing at all.

I know this is usually very treatable now. Especially if caught before it spreads too far. There really has never been a better time in history to have cancer. Of course, maybe another few decades down the line would have been better, but we don't get to choose this things.

I'm hoping some catharsis will kick in for me here any moment now...

Anyway, if you read this far, thank you. I know I don't know you, and you don't know me, but I appreciate talking to somebody outside of our lives right now.

Now I need to go get my daughter out of bed (never an easy thing when she's off school) and see if she wants some breakfast.

Really sorry to hear this. I can imagine your mind must be all over the place at the moment. It puts football into perspective.

We know two friends who have had breast cancer, they beat it and are still here so I’ve got everything crossed that your wife will be ok too.

Remember to look after yourself too.

All the best

 

[Talby]

What you wrote didn't read as self-indulgent at all, just as someone who's received a massive shock, something that's too big to take in all at once and sending your mind racing in all directions trying to get a grip on it. If writing it down and posting here helped, it was worth it for that alone.

My mum got breast cancer when I was a teenager and died a couple of years later after the cancer spread to her brain. It was diagnosed very late, though, and the treatments available in the 90s weren't nearly as good as they are now. Your wife's chances are vastly better, as the various positive experiences on this thread show.

I was a bit older than your daughter and by the time my mum died I was away from home at university, but if you want to chat about what it means to get the news about a parent having cancer then feel free to PM me.

My wife died three years ago (not of cancer) in her early fifties so I'm also available to chat about what that feels like and ways of trying to cope with it, but I think that once the initial shock has worn off it's the last thing you'll want to think about. As mentioned, the odds are that it's not something you're going to need to worry about anyway. But if things take a turn for the worse, the offer is open.

What a wonderful, thoughtful response to someone in need. Love that.

 

[Since1982]

So sorry to hear this. In the last 18 months a family member and also a friend have received the same diagnosis - both are recovering well.

 

[DJ NOBO]

Thanks to everybody for your support and encouragement. I really do appreciate it.

The NSC mob is right here with you , US Seagull