[Misc] Downer thread - breast cancer.

[BBassic]

Ah man, sorry to hear that.

My mum went through this a few years back so I know from experience how tough this is to deal with.

 

[Harry Wilson's tackle]

My daughter in law went through this about 4 years ago and has come through it with the all clear. If was harrowing, but ended well

My grandkids were 9, 5 and 2 at the time.

As my son bravely said throughout “Nobody dies on my watch” He was right!

All the best, stay strong!

I absolutely love that.

My mum found a lump when she was around 62, and decided that rather than have a chat with her daughter in law (my brother's wife) - who is a radiology nurse and does mammogram scans for a living (FFS) - she'd rather just leave it. For a year. She eventually had surgery and no chemo, and recovered well, but died of another cancer 15 years later, most likely metastasis. She was on tamoxifen for 5 years and the advice then was come off it if all's well. I think the advice now is stay on it.

My point being, don't bugger about if strange lumps and bumps appear. Very pleased that routine checking caught this early for @US Seagull's missus, and I send my very best wishes. As other have said, this is an excellent place to vent and there will be lots of people keen to offer advice and support, or just an ear to shout into.

 

[papachris]

I am really sorry to hear that. My partner had breast cancer 9 years ago aged 44. She had chemo, surgery and radiotherapy and we will always be grateful for the treatment she received from the NHS (worthing hospital and breast care clinic)
Thankfully she made a full recovery and we are still enjoying our lives together.
I remember how we felt when we first found out. ( a lot of tears) but we felt a lot more positive (rightly so) when treatment started and we felt that now we are doing something about it. My partner is incredibly strong and never complained about the side effects of the treatment. The most important thing I was able to do was arrange my work etc so I was with her for every chemo and a few days after etc.
Really feel for you both at this time especially if you just got the news which as I said was the most difficult time for us.
Wishing you the best going forward

 

[Lethargic]

Firstly sorry to hear the news and stay strong in the challenge ahead.

Don't be too down on yourself, an element of self concern is a normal reaction and not necessarily a bad thing as you need to stay strong to provide the support your partner needs, thoughts with you and your wife.

 

[Berty23]

Sending you best wishes @US Seagull and as others have said it does not sound like pity, writing it down can help. 14 years ago my wife was diagnosed with a rare form of cancer in her eye - she was 29 and 20 weeks pregnant with our twins. I didn’t talk to anyone about any of the feelings you have written down i.e. “how the hell will I cope” because I was worried people would think I was making it about me. We already had a one year old son and I was petrified of how I would cope with two babies if the worst happened. I bottled up all my worries “to appear strong and supportive” and about a year later I basically had a breakdown on a bench in st James park in London. so the moral of the story from my angle is speak to whoever you can. Feel free to send a private message for a completely non judgmental listening ear (well eye, I guess, but you know what I mean).

As it happens we were very lucky because she delayed radiotherapy to have the twins naturally who arrived at 38 weeks and then she immediately went for treatment. She is still doing okay and my twin daughters are amazing 13 year olds.

Good luck and best wishes.

 

[Soton Seagull]

Crap news but hopefully early diagnosis.

My Mum was diagnosed about 3 years back, stage 2. She had 3 ops (they kept missing some) and a course of Radiotherapy and is happily in remission. Treatment has moved on a long way in past decade or so. Whilst statistics don't hit the spot during early days the numbers are massively on the side of those diagnosed these days.

Absolutely understand your mind being all over the place, but try and stay positive as the vast majority of cases are treatable. Fingers crossed for you both.

 

[AmexRuislip]

In a similar vein to the My Prostate and I thread (I though about naming this thread "My Wife's Breasts and I", but decided it might attract the wrong crowd), I hope you will indulge me a little venting into the abyss in the hopes that it'll make me feel a little better about some terrible news I received yesterday sometime after Hinshelwood's goal and before Pedro's penalty (which I missed completely as a result). I hope this doesn't come off as looking for pity. I don't think that's what I'm looking for. I really don't know what I'm looking for, I'm just kinda processing the whole thing at the moment. I'm hoping that maybe by writing it down it'll help me accept that it's real, maybe? Please feel free to put this thread on ignore if you find it too much of a bummer, or just too self-indulgent. I wouldn't hold it against you. I briefly considered dropping this news in the match thread, but decided it wasn't good to ruin other people's enjoyment of the game.

Anyway, after the Mrs had her annual breast exam, she got called back for another look as they determined something looked suss. She went for another exam, and they moved her on for a biopsy of both her breast and the nearest lymph node, which they did just before Christmas.

Yesterday she got a call at work and...yes, it's breast cancer. We aren't yet clear on the full extent of it, more tests will follow including a CT bone scan scheduled for next week. Certainly there will be at least one surgery in the near future and chemo. I hope that's all that will be needed, but of course I can't help my mind wandering over to absolute worst case scenarios. If that CT scan is bad, we could be really f***ed. She turns 47 next month.

We've been married for 22 years, and in that time our lives have become completely intertwined. It would be catastrophic for either of us to lose the other, but I feel terribly guilty when my mind drifts to what that would mean for me. Who would do all that stuff that she usually does for the household? How can I be so selfish as to worry about that?

But, my biggest worry would be the impact on our 11 year-old daughter. She's coming to a hard enough point in her life as it is without this. Again, in the worst case, how the hell would I help an 11 year-old girl navigate the next few years of her life alone? What do I know of lives and challenges of 11 year-old girls? Really nothing at all.

I know this is usually very treatable now. Especially if caught before it spreads too far. There really has never been a better time in history to have cancer. Of course, maybe another few decades down the line would have been better, but we don't get to choose this things.

I'm hoping some catharsis will kick in for me here any moment now...

Anyway, if you read this far, thank you. I know I don't know you, and you don't know me, but I appreciate talking to somebody outside of our lives right now.

Now I need to go get my daughter out of bed (never an easy thing when she's off school) and see if she wants some breakfast.

For starters you've got past the first hurdle in talking about cancer, and I admire that, as some people ate reluctant to chat about it.
I cannot offer any advice to you, only that is to be as positive and supportive as you can, for your wife and daughter, not at least for yourself.
Because it is also the loved ones that go through these sort of things.
Take all the advice you're given from the support networks out there.
Use NSC as a sounding board.

All the best to you

 

[Insel affe]

Cancer touches everyone in one way or another, lost my grandmother and one good friend to cancer.
Another close friend was diagnosed with breast cancer two years ago same age as me, she has had a mastectomy and thankfully clear, and able to carry on her life with her husband and two young daughters, there is hope.

I wish you, your wife and family all the best xx

 

[sydney]

wishing you and your wife and daughter all the best for a positive outcome sir.....xx

 

[The Clamp]

In a similar vein to the My Prostate and I thread (I though about naming this thread "My Wife's Breasts and I", but decided it might attract the wrong crowd), I hope you will indulge me a little venting into the abyss in the hopes that it'll make me feel a little better about some terrible news I received yesterday sometime after Hinshelwood's goal and before Pedro's penalty (which I missed completely as a result). I hope this doesn't come off as looking for pity. I don't think that's what I'm looking for. I really don't know what I'm looking for, I'm just kinda processing the whole thing at the moment. I'm hoping that maybe by writing it down it'll help me accept that it's real, maybe? Please feel free to put this thread on ignore if you find it too much of a bummer, or just too self-indulgent. I wouldn't hold it against you. I briefly considered dropping this news in the match thread, but decided it wasn't good to ruin other people's enjoyment of the game.

Anyway, after the Mrs had her annual breast exam, she got called back for another look as they determined something looked suss. She went for another exam, and they moved her on for a biopsy of both her breast and the nearest lymph node, which they did just before Christmas.

Yesterday she got a call at work and...yes, it's breast cancer. We aren't yet clear on the full extent of it, more tests will follow including a CT bone scan scheduled for next week. Certainly there will be at least one surgery in the near future and chemo. I hope that's all that will be needed, but of course I can't help my mind wandering over to absolute worst case scenarios. If that CT scan is bad, we could be really f***ed. She turns 47 next month.

We've been married for 22 years, and in that time our lives have become completely intertwined. It would be catastrophic for either of us to lose the other, but I feel terribly guilty when my mind drifts to what that would mean for me. Who would do all that stuff that she usually does for the household? How can I be so selfish as to worry about that?

But, my biggest worry would be the impact on our 11 year-old daughter. She's coming to a hard enough point in her life as it is without this. Again, in the worst case, how the hell would I help an 11 year-old girl navigate the next few years of her life alone? What do I know of lives and challenges of 11 year-old girls? Really nothing at all.

I know this is usually very treatable now. Especially if caught before it spreads too far. There really has never been a better time in history to have cancer. Of course, maybe another few decades down the line would have been better, but we don't get to choose this things.

I'm hoping some catharsis will kick in for me here any moment now...

Anyway, if you read this far, thank you. I know I don't know you, and you don't know me, but I appreciate talking to somebody outside of our lives right now.

Now I need to go get my daughter out of bed (never an easy thing when she's off school) and see if she wants some breakfast.

As you say, found early breast cancer has a very good survival rate.

I hope for your family that your wife gets through this and you can put it behind you.

Wishing you the very best.

 

[US Seagull]

Thanks again to everybody for your words of kindness and encouragement. I really do appreciate it and I'm overwhelmed by your support.

UTA.

 

[Recidivist]

In a similar vein to the My Prostate and I thread (I though about naming this thread "My Wife's Breasts and I", but decided it might attract the wrong crowd), I hope you will indulge me a little venting into the abyss in the hopes that it'll make me feel a little better about some terrible news I received yesterday sometime after Hinshelwood's goal and before Pedro's penalty (which I missed completely as a result). I hope this doesn't come off as looking for pity. I don't think that's what I'm looking for. I really don't know what I'm looking for, I'm just kinda processing the whole thing at the moment. I'm hoping that maybe by writing it down it'll help me accept that it's real, maybe? Please feel free to put this thread on ignore if you find it too much of a bummer, or just too self-indulgent. I wouldn't hold it against you. I briefly considered dropping this news in the match thread, but decided it wasn't good to ruin other people's enjoyment of the game.

Anyway, after the Mrs had her annual breast exam, she got called back for another look as they determined something looked suss. She went for another exam, and they moved her on for a biopsy of both her breast and the nearest lymph node, which they did just before Christmas.

Yesterday she got a call at work and...yes, it's breast cancer. We aren't yet clear on the full extent of it, more tests will follow including a CT bone scan scheduled for next week. Certainly there will be at least one surgery in the near future and chemo. I hope that's all that will be needed, but of course I can't help my mind wandering over to absolute worst case scenarios. If that CT scan is bad, we could be really f***ed. She turns 47 next month.

We've been married for 22 years, and in that time our lives have become completely intertwined. It would be catastrophic for either of us to lose the other, but I feel terribly guilty when my mind drifts to what that would mean for me. Who would do all that stuff that she usually does for the household? How can I be so selfish as to worry about that?

But, my biggest worry would be the impact on our 11 year-old daughter. She's coming to a hard enough point in her life as it is without this. Again, in the worst case, how the hell would I help an 11 year-old girl navigate the next few years of her life alone? What do I know of lives and challenges of 11 year-old girls? Really nothing at all.

I know this is usually very treatable now. Especially if caught before it spreads too far. There really has never been a better time in history to have cancer. Of course, maybe another few decades down the line would have been better, but we don't get to choose this things.

I'm hoping some catharsis will kick in for me here any moment now...

Anyway, if you read this far, thank you. I know I don't know you, and you don't know me, but I appreciate talking to somebody outside of our lives right now.

Now I need to go get my daughter out of bed (never an easy thing when she's off school) and see if she wants some breakfast.

Like all the other posters, huge sympathy to the whole family and, yes, treatments are far advanced from ten, twenty years ago so the odds are far better than they were then.

BUT, my personal experience of this situation is that the attitude towards the cancer is at least as important as the various treatments as the after effects can last a very long time.

My wife was diagnosed with bilateral breast cancer some 7 years ago. The first phase of surgery, chemotherapy and radiotherapy were brutal but, in a way, easier than the subsequent years when the mental and physical impact kicked in.

After year one, you end up on various drugs which can have some profound side effects such as night sweats, sleep disorders, mood swings etc. This regime can go on for anything up to ten years (and beyond?).

I think the most difficult thing was that our entire lives became focussed on the cancer rather than enjoying life.

Not saying it’s inevitable but it’s why I think attitude is so important.

My wife became obsessed with becoming an expert on the cancer and Dr. Google was deployed pretty much every day to find out the latest “cures”.

The practical impact was that it became number one topic on a daily basis and still is to a large extent although all the scans have been clear till now.

My wife now takes dozens of supplements on a daily basis in the hope that this will help.

Sorry to sound a bit gloomy but I think it’s vital that you understand the mindset that this can induce.

Difficult to know how your wife is/will react in the medium to long term but I’d certainly investigate the possibility of counselling at an early stage to head off problems down the line and this applies to the whole family, not just your wife.

I would certainly suggest discouraging your wife from trying to become an oncology expert. It’s really important that she has full trust in her oncologist so don’t hesitate to seek alternatives if that is not the case.

All oncologists are pretty much obligated to follow best practice and drug regimes as endorsed by NICE which do at least have the benefit of clinical trials and analysis to support their efficacy unlike many of the alternative treatments being touted out there.

My personal belief is that a healthy balanced diet and exercise are probably much better than trying to self-medicate with loads of pills and they will, at least, make your wife feel better.

Hope this helps a bit. Happy to expand on this privately if you wish!?

Anyway, best wishes to all of you

 

[Cotton Socks]

Like all the other posters, huge sympathy to the whole family and, yes, treatments are far advanced from ten, twenty years ago so the odds are far better than they were then.

BUT, my personal experience of this situation is that the attitude towards the cancer is at least as important as the various treatments as the after effects can last a very long time.

My wife was diagnosed with bilateral breast cancer some 7 years ago. The first phase of surgery, chemotherapy and radiotherapy were brutal but, in a way, easier than the subsequent years when the mental and physical impact kicked in.

After year one, you end up on various drugs which can have some profound side effects such as night sweats, sleep disorders, mood swings etc. This regime can go on for anything up to ten years (and beyond?).

I think the most difficult thing was that our entire lives became focussed on the cancer rather than enjoying life.

Not saying it’s inevitable but it’s why I think attitude is so important.

My wife became obsessed with becoming an expert on the cancer and Dr. Google was deployed pretty much every day to find out the latest “cures”.

The practical impact was that it became number one topic on a daily basis and still is to a large extent although all the scans have been clear till now.

My wife now takes dozens of supplements on a daily basis in the hope that this will help.

Sorry to sound a bit gloomy but I think it’s vital that you understand the mindset that this can induce.

Difficult to know how your wife is/will react in the medium to long term but I’d certainly investigate the possibility of counselling at an early stage to head off problems down the line and this applies to the whole family, not just your wife.

I would certainly suggest discouraging your wife from trying to become an oncology expert. It’s really important that she has full trust in her oncologist so don’t hesitate to seek alternatives if that is not the case.

All oncologists are pretty much obligated to follow best practice and drug regimes as endorsed by NICE which do at least have the benefit of clinical trials and analysis to support their efficacy unlike many of the alternative treatments being touted out there.

My personal belief is that a healthy balanced diet and exercise are probably much better than trying to self-medicate with loads of pills and they will, at least, make your wife feel better.

Hope this helps a bit. Happy to expand on this privately if you wish!?

Anyway, best wishes to all of you

I'm sorry (esp to US Seagull), but I'm going to disagree with you with some of this. Yes Dr Google can be a charlatan & a fraud but your wife 'has' probably become an oncology expert! It was her cancer, it is her body.
I'm not suggesting for one moment to ignore the experts and seek 'alternative' treatments, that would be a really bad plan. She's had the treatment's and it's worked. What difference does it make to you that she takes loads of supplements in the hope it doesn't come back? I completely agree that counselling should happen at the earliest point possible, pretty much now for US Seagull and family in my opinion.
I'm really sorry, but from your post it sounds like you're sick of hearing and having to think about it as it's gone, but your wife is still terrified that it may come back. That's not meant to sound like a slur to you as it is f**king exhausting for everyone. Go back to counselling (or start?), the supplements your wife is taking are probably making her mentally feel better. I have a vivid memory of carrying a 1ft square of wheatgrass through the Lanes for my friend, strangely enough it tasted like I'd just drank grass trimmings from the back garden once she'd juiced it. The placebo effect on mental health can be massive, don't underestimate it. Please don't take my reply in the wrong way.

 

[Loadicus Trux]

If you want or need to howl, then howl loudly and often.

This. If you need to vent, then vent. It's fine by us.

 

[zefarelly]

We've had a few scares @ zefarelly towers, but thankfully all clear . . . (Note to self, ease off the beer and work those moobs)
The Big C seems to be a regular topic now, partly age, and I'm convinced, a big part is lifestyle and led by the crap that we eat, more importantly how its produced . . . .the fact our grandparents live longer eating butter, smoking and drinking, but eating honest food is very telling.

 

[Recidivist]

I'm sorry (esp to US Seagull), but I'm going to disagree with you with some of this. Yes Dr Google can be a charlatan & a fraud but your wife 'has' probably become an oncology expert! It was her cancer, it is her body.
I'm not suggesting for one moment to ignore the experts and seek 'alternative' treatments, that would be a really bad plan. She's had the treatment's and it's worked. What difference does it make to you that she takes loads of supplements in the hope it doesn't come back? I completely agree that counselling should happen at the earliest point possible, pretty much now for US Seagull and family in my opinion.
I'm really sorry, but from your post it sounds like you're sick of hearing and having to think about it as it's gone, but your wife is still terrified that it may come back. That's not meant to sound like a slur to you as it is f**king exhausting for everyone. Go back to counselling (or start?), the supplements your wife is taking are probably making her mentally feel better. I have a vivid memory of carrying a 1ft square of wheatgrass through the Lanes for my friend, strangely enough it tasted like I'd just drank grass trimmings from the back garden once she'd juiced it. The placebo effect on mental health can be massive, don't underestimate it. Please don't take my reply in the wrong way.

Well, US Seagull asked how it might affect him and the family rather than just his wife so I’m simply putting down my personal experience of the issue. Everyone will react differently to the stresses and strains put on the family.

My wife has always refused any counselling from day one nor do I begrudge her taking umpteen supplements!

I suppose my point is that concentrating on this to the exclusion of pretty much anything else for ever rather negates the point of life……

 

[Al Bion]

Sorry you are going through this USS, I was diagnosed 18 years ago, had to have a mastectomy, chemo, radiotherapy and various other bits and bobs, it was hard work but Mrs USS will get through it. This current time, whilst awaiting the various tests and results is by far the worst period of all, you will feel much better when you know exactly what it is you are dealing with and what the plan of action is, the fight back starts from there! Each day is a step back to full health and normal life again. You need to be there for her to support her and help your daughter, your role is important in this too, it’ll be so much harder for her if she can’t rely on you!
My son was 9, so a similar age to your daughter, once you know more details it’s important that you sit her down and tell her what’s going on and what’s likely to happen to her mum. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do but it has to be done. We also let the school know too so they were aware and could offer support if necessary.
I’ve been ok, touch wood, since though every ache and pain you do wonder if it’s back. You are never clear of the worry but it does get easier to live with as time goes on. I also take lots of supplements every day (like recidevist’s mrs!), they help me to feel I’m doing something positive every day to keep the cancer at bay, the placebo effect is a wonderful thing!
You are welcome to PM me USS (or your wife), very happy to support you both at any stage of your journey x

 

[Barham's tash]

Hi @US Seagull not breast cancer but lost my mum some 23 years ago to leukemia after a 17 year battle so have some considerable experience of how to handle the next steps with your daughter as I was a similar age when my parents told me. Please feel free to PM me if you’d like to hear/know more or just want someone to vent to when it gets tough because it will.

Best of luck to you and your Mrs for what lies ahead. Hang in there.

 

[Wardy's twin]

From my personal experience I think its important to stay as positive as you can be, it kept me strong and then I could provide her with support.

Keep re-enforcing the good things.

5 years on she is good and in remission having twice gone very close to the wire.

 

[BLOCK F]

Sorry to hear about your wife’s diagnosis, but as others have said, breast cancer, if caught early, is very treatable.
My wife’s was diagnosed following a routine mammogram and she was summonsed to Worthing Hospital where our worst fears were realised. She had Lobular Invasive Stage Two Cancer. She had a lumpectomy that unfortunately did not remove the whole cancerous tissue, so had to go back to hospital and have a mastectomy that was successful. She also had a reconstruction carried out at the same time.Chemotherapy and Tamoxifen followed. She had follow up scans and all was well and that remains the case 12 years later.
It was obviously a worry for us all as a family at the time, but she came through it.
Keep strong and positive, as many have said, it is very treatable when caught early.
Finally, just a word of caution. Surgery is only the beginning of the process and the after treatment of Chemotherapy, Radiotherapy, drugs etc. can be rather draining both mentally and physically. It is a long old road to travel on, and she will likely need support through this.
I wish you, your wife and family all the best and always keep in mind that the prognosis for early detected breast cancer is very encouraging.