[Misc] Downer thread - breast cancer.

[US Seagull]

In a similar vein to the My Prostate and I thread (I though about naming this thread "My Wife's Breasts and I", but decided it might attract the wrong crowd), I hope you will indulge me a little venting into the abyss in the hopes that it'll make me feel a little better about some terrible news I received yesterday sometime after Hinshelwood's goal and before Pedro's penalty (which I missed completely as a result). I hope this doesn't come off as looking for pity. I don't think that's what I'm looking for. I really don't know what I'm looking for, I'm just kinda processing the whole thing at the moment. I'm hoping that maybe by writing it down it'll help me accept that it's real, maybe? Please feel free to put this thread on ignore if you find it too much of a bummer, or just too self-indulgent. I wouldn't hold it against you. I briefly considered dropping this news in the match thread, but decided it wasn't good to ruin other people's enjoyment of the game.

Anyway, after the Mrs had her annual breast exam, she got called back for another look as they determined something looked suss. She went for another exam, and they moved her on for a biopsy of both her breast and the nearest lymph node, which they did just before Christmas.

Yesterday she got a call at work and...yes, it's breast cancer. We aren't yet clear on the full extent of it, more tests will follow including a CT bone scan scheduled for next week. Certainly there will be at least one surgery in the near future and chemo. I hope that's all that will be needed, but of course I can't help my mind wandering over to absolute worst case scenarios. If that CT scan is bad, we could be really f***ed. She turns 47 next month.

We've been married for 22 years, and in that time our lives have become completely intertwined. It would be catastrophic for either of us to lose the other, but I feel terribly guilty when my mind drifts to what that would mean for me. Who would do all that stuff that she usually does for the household? How can I be so selfish as to worry about that?

But, my biggest worry would be the impact on our 11 year-old daughter. She's coming to a hard enough point in her life as it is without this. Again, in the worst case, how the hell would I help an 11 year-old girl navigate the next few years of her life alone? What do I know of lives and challenges of 11 year-old girls? Really nothing at all.

I know this is usually very treatable now. Especially if caught before it spreads too far. There really has never been a better time in history to have cancer. Of course, maybe another few decades down the line would have been better, but we don't get to choose this things.

I'm hoping some catharsis will kick in for me here any moment now...

Anyway, if you read this far, thank you. I know I don't know you, and you don't know me, but I appreciate talking to somebody outside of our lives right now.

Now I need to go get my daughter out of bed (never an easy thing when she's off school) and see if she wants some breakfast.

 

[Flounce]

My daughter in law went through this about 4 years ago and has come through it with the all clear. If was harrowing, but ended well

My grandkids were 9, 5 and 2 at the time.

As my son bravely said throughout “Nobody dies on my watch” He was right!

All the best, stay strong!

 

[pasty]

Been through this with Mrs P just over 20 years ago now.

She found a lump and a biopsy showed it was cancer. She had an op to remove that lump and lymph nodes, but during that op they discovered a second lump, which had to be removed in a second op.

Sessions of radiotherapy and chemotherapy followed, and she has now been clear for a number of years.

Do not feel selfish wondering about what it might mean to you, it’s a natural thought process. I was certainly doing the same thing at the time. In fact, Mrs P was far braver about it than I was. She pretty much ignored it and as much as she could, carried on with life as normal. I was the one doing all the worrying.

Wish you both the best.

 

[Goldstone1976]

Your OP doesn’t read as if you’re looking for pity. Instead it reads (to me) as a howl into the ether in anguish and an unspoken appeal for support and help.

I can offer no help having no experience of breast cancer but can and do offer support. There are bound to be plenty of folk on here with direct experience - all of whom I am confident will be more than willing to share their thoughts on various topics you may find helpful.

I wish you, your wife, and your daughter the very best of luck and the strength you need to get through the upcoming months.

 

[Chicken Run]

My thoughts are with your family & you @US Seagull

 

[jakarta]

Mrs Jakarta in remission 7 years after diagnosis. One of the treatable ones.

 

[birthofanorange]

In a similar vein to the My Prostate and I thread (I though about naming this thread "My Wife's Breasts and I", but decided it might attract the wrong crowd), I hope you will indulge me a little venting into the abyss in the hopes that it'll make me feel a little better about some terrible news I received yesterday sometime after Hinshelwood's goal and before Pedro's penalty (which I missed completely as a result). I hope this doesn't come off as looking for pity. I don't think that's what I'm looking for. I really don't know what I'm looking for, I'm just kinda processing the whole thing at the moment. I'm hoping that maybe by writing it down it'll help me accept that it's real, maybe? Please feel free to put this thread on ignore if you find it too much of a bummer, or just too self-indulgent. I wouldn't hold it against you. I briefly considered dropping this news in the match thread, but decided it wasn't good to ruin other people's enjoyment of the game.

Anyway, after the Mrs had her annual breast exam, she got called back for another look as they determined something looked suss. She went for another exam, and they moved her on for a biopsy of both her breast and the nearest lymph node, which they did just before Christmas.

Yesterday she got a call at work and...yes, it's breast cancer. We aren't yet clear on the full extent of it, more tests will follow including a CT bone scan scheduled for next week. Certainly there will be at least one surgery in the near future and chemo. I hope that's all that will be needed, but of course I can't help my mind wandering over to absolute worst case scenarios. If that CT scan is bad, we could be really f***ed. She turns 47 next month.

We've been married for 22 years, and in that time our lives have become completely intertwined. It would be catastrophic for either of us to lose the other, but I feel terribly guilty when my mind drifts to what that would mean for me. Who would do all that stuff that she usually does for the household? How can I be so selfish as to worry about that?

But, my biggest worry would be the impact on our 11 year-old daughter. She's coming to a hard enough point in her life as it is without this. Again, in the worst case, how the hell would I help an 11 year-old girl navigate the next few years of her life alone? What do I know of lives and challenges of 11 year-old girls? Really nothing at all.

I know this is usually very treatable now. Especially if caught before it spreads too far. There really has never been a better time in history to have cancer. Of course, maybe another few decades down the line would have been better, but we don't get to choose this things.

I'm hoping some catharsis will kick in for me here any moment now...

Anyway, if you read this far, thank you. I know I don't know you, and you don't know me, but I appreciate talking to somebody outside of our lives right now.

Now I need to go get my daughter out of bed (never an easy thing when she's off school) and see if she wants some breakfast.

Such shit news for anyone to hear and I genuinely hope your wife gets the best treatment available and she can recover from the utter shit that is cancer.
Never feel awkward for posting things like this - we're all on each other's side.

 

[Guinness Boy]

NSC exists as much for this stuff as football @US Seagull

Vent away, there’ll be support and some knowledge and experience.

All the best to you and your family.

 

[PILTDOWN MAN]

My mum had it three times. She did finally succumb but some 35 years after the first bout in the late 1970's. Back then the treatment was far more brutal and outcomes were far less positive. The second time 17 years later, was much better treatment, the third time, a further 18 years later. She may still be here if not for a huge admin error (something the hospital admitted) her treatment would almost certainly have been successful, as agreed by the specialist, if it had started when first diagnosed. In-between times she led a full and healthy life.

Stay positive

I can only wish you and your wife all the best.

 

[LamieRobertson]

Mrs R..well ex of nine years but still legally Mrs R ..in ‘remission’ of ten years ago …

Yes it will be challenging to say the least but their is a heck of a lot of hope and of course treatment

Wish all three of you the best!

 

[Zeberdi]

Three of my friends wives and a friend of my Sisters had breast cancer - the prognosis with 3 of them was really positive because it was caught early- all had chemo, one a lumpectomy which was a simple lump removal followed by chemo. Another 2 had a mastectomy and chemo with an all clear 6 mnths later. . My sisters friend had several returns over a period of 15 years and unfortunately the last bout was very aggressive and she elected not to have radiation or chemo the final time.

The survival rate is very high if caught early as with most cancers but there is absolutely nothing you can do apart from wait for the biopsies and scans to come back and take it one step at a time.

I am so sorry you are both going through this and you sharing your experiences is absolutely the right thing to do if it helps you cope. The oncology department can put you in touch with a MacMillan nurse - who are brilliant btw. The British Cancer Association blog can be real help too - sometimes having all the information you can get about the particular cancer you are dealing with can be a great help as can talking to others who are going through the same or similar experiences.

Best wishes and hope you have an optimistic outcome

 

[Giraffe]

My mother died of breast cancer just before Christmas last year. However she went to the doctor very very late indeed with stage 4 cancer - it had already spread to her skull, backbone and organs. They gave her less than a year, but with treatment she went on for nearly 4 years despite being in her 70s.

Having attended lots of her sessions over that time and spoken at length to the different professionals I concluded that had my mother seen someone when she first discovered the problem she would be alive now and probably completely cancer free. Sadly due to my father being ill and dying around the time she discovered it she decided to stay silent and then let it progress without any of our knowledge. If I could have my time again I would have pushed her to talk about her health and make sure she was still being screened. It was only when one morning she was struggling to see that we took her to A&E and the extent of the problem became obvious to us all. The treatment she received after that was remarkable but sadly too late for her.

Even in the time that she was treated though new treatments were coming through all of the time.

It sounds crass but truly if you catch it in the early stages there is no better time to be treated for it. What they can do now is quite incredible and I am sure your wife will receive the best treatment possible.

I wish you and your wife and family all the very best.

 

[WATFORD zero]

There will be others who are better placed to share their experiences on here, but wishing you and your wife the best possible outcome given this crap news.

 

[TWOCHOICEStom]

I can't give you any advice at all, but if you'd like a positive story to boost your thoughts, my Mum was diagnosed in August and it was gone by November. No chemo/radiotherapy needed at all. The NHS is full of wonderful people doing brilliant work.

 

[Biscuit Barrel]

My step mum had breast cancer a few years ago. Had the treatment and is all clear and living a normal life. Breast cancer is very treatable these days and with a very, very high success rate.

I wish you and your wife all the very best.

 

[US Seagull]

Thanks to everybody for your support and encouragement. I really do appreciate it.

 

[Greg Bobkin]

First of all, I'm sorry for your news. I'm another one who can't offer direct help regarding breast cancer, but NSC is a wonderfully supportive place, so don't feel bad or guilty about posting even your deepest thoughts on here. One thing I would say – as difficult as it might be – is try not to worry about things you might not need to worry about – yet, or maybe at all. Until you get the conclusive test results and a plan of action, put all of your energy into things you can control, such as your wife and daughter.

But definitely, if it helps you, keep posting and engaged on here.

Good luck to you all x

 

[pb21]

Good luck and all the best @US Seagull and Mrs USS

 

[armchairclubber]

Unsure @US Seagull if you have access to either the NHS or Macmillan Services as it appears you are in the States, however my sentiments are the same.
It must be such a shock, thoughts with you and your wife and im sure you will find ongoing support here if and when you feel the need to share.

 

[Durlston]

Stay strong, US Seagull. We're all with you mate.

The very best wishes to your wife and really hoping for good news in the new year.