Does anyone have any Jokes?

[seagullsdaz]

I'm bored and could really do with a giggle, so if you have any jokes please share. Here's 1 to start the ball rolling...

A man goes to work and shouts "VODKA, TEQUILA, SAMBUCA"

His boss hears this and says "Oi! I call the shots round here"

 

[Scotty Mac]

 

[DIRK STEELE]

Yeh.. Nigel Adkins says Brighton will not catch up with SCC...

 

[jharris]

Arsenal took part in a celebrity mastermind last week. They scored 736 passes and no points !

 

[Horses Arse]

What's ET short for?




















Cos he's got little legs

 

[Norman Baker suck my lozenge]

Woman answers phone,there's a pervert on the other end of the line,
"Hello my darling,have you got a tight,bald cvnt?"
Woman replies,"hang on,I think he's in the shower,can I get him to call you back?"

 

[Horses Arse]

What do you call a chicken in a shell suit?


An egg

 

[DIRK STEELE]

Horses Arse! I got that same joke in a Christmas cracker yesterday!!... FFS ...

 

[lucky007]

i've just been told by my doctor that i'm colour blind.
f***ing hell, that came right out the orange.

 

[Acker79]

Two fish in a tank, one says to the other 'how do you drive this thing?'

 

[seagullsdaz]

My Korean mate was going to cook his wife a surprise birthday dinner

But someone let the cat out of the bag

 

[keaton]

A banker, a Daily Mail reader and a benefit
claimant are sitting at a table sharing
12 biscuits.

The banker takes 11 and says to the
Daily Mail reader:
"Watch out for the benefit claimant,
he wants your biscuit".

 

[Norman Baker suck my lozenge]

my korean mate was going to cook his wife a surprise birthday dinner

but someone let the cat out of the bag

racialmalist

 

[seagullsdaz]

A lorry carrying onions has overturned on the motorway

Police are urging motorists to find a hard shoulder to cry on

 

[Norman Baker suck my lozenge]

A lorry carrying onions has overturned on the motorway

Police are urging motorists to find a hard shoulder to cry on

onionist

 

[chucky1973]

2 eggs in a saucepan, one says "its half hot in here", the other replies "this is nothing, you wait till you get outside, you get your head smashed in"

 

[Acker79]

two mexicans are stranded in a desert, eventually they come across something in the distance. "I think ee's a bacon tree" says one to the other. "Stay here, I'll go see".

The mexican walks over and just as he gets there he is shot. The other mexican starts running to his aid and the first holds up his hand "no, ee's a hambush!"

 

[hitony]

2 eggs in a saucepan, one says "its half hot in here", the other replies "this is nothing, you wait till you get outside, you get your head smashed in"

What I find more funny than the joke, is the posters name who posted it

 

[seagullsdaz]

Haha these jokes are funny keep em coming. Here's another...

I had a fight with a man on some moving stairs today

We started arguing at the bottom, and things just escalated from there

 

[Acker79]

I was attacked by a bit of the pavement the other day. Crazy cyclepath.