Does anyone have any Jokes?

[DIRK STEELE]

what is old, pink and wrinkly and hangs out yer trousers?

 

[Biscuit]

I saw a girl in the distance the other day...


She had horizon me.

 

[Horses Arse]

Horses Arse! I got that same joke in a Christmas cracker yesterday!!... FFS ...

I'm afraid that was my source too - sure it was further away than yesterday though!

 

[seagullsdaz]

A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet.
'My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?'
'Well,' says the vet, 'let's have a look at him'
So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth.
Finally, he says, 'I'm going to have to put him down.'
'What? Because he's cross-eyed? '
'No, because he's really heavy'

 

[lucky007]

Statistics show 1 in 20 of us live next door to a peadophile

.... not me though, I live next door to two stunning 12 year olds

(bit tooooo much maybe??)

 

[seagullsdaz]

Statistics show 1 in 20 of us live next door to a peadophile

.... not me though, I live next door to two stunning 12 year olds

(bit tooooo much maybe??)

Haha brilliant.

Not too much at all. It's a joke at the end of the day

 

[seagullsdaz]

A Juggler, driving to his next performance, was stopped by the police. "What are those knives doing in your car?" asked the officer. "I juggle them in my act." "Oh yeah?" says the cop. "Let's see you do it." So the juggler starts tossing and juggling the knives. A guy driving by sees this and says, "Wow, am I glad I quit drinking. Look at the test they're making you do now!"

 

[Biscuit]

Whilst cooking I got some herbs in my eye...


I am now parsley sighted!

 

[hitony]

Statistics show 1 in 20 of us live next door to a peadophile

.... not me though, I live next door to two stunning 12 year olds

(bit tooooo much maybe??)

No way that has made me really LOL

 

[DIRK STEELE]

I'm afraid that was my source too - sure it was further away than yesterday though!

I am afraid i am behind the times.... :-(

 

[ⓣ ⓞ ⓜ]

Two sperm have recently been ejaculated

sperm 1: How long till will reach the egg?

sperm 2: I don't know we've only just pasted the tonsils

 

[BHAMAN]

News just in….
Two lorries have crashed on the motorway, one carrying red paint and one carrying blue paint.
The drivers are said to be marooned.

 

[chucky1973]

7 year old boy at home with a cigar in his mouth and whiskey in a glass in his hand, knock at the door to which the boys answers.....door to door salesman says " is your dad in" little boy replies holding out his cigar and whisky glass "does it f***ing look like it"

 

[seagullsdaz]

I was in a public toilet when a voice came from the cubicle next to me: "Hello mate, how are you doing?"
I thought it a bit strange but didn't want to be rude, so I replied, "Not bad thanks"
After a short pause, I heard the voice again. "So, what are you up to?"
I answered, somewhat reluctantly "Just having a quick shit, How about yourself?"
The next thing I heard him say was, "Sorry mate, I'll have to call you back. I've got some c*nt in the cubicle next to me answering everything I say"

 

[rocker959]

jokes

Just had some awful news - my Thai wife has Testicular Cancer


New Craze - Girls are putting vodka jellies up their naughty bits and having blokes suck it out with straws, - Police are now very worried about the effects of minge drinking !

What do you call an Irish woman with 2 c**ts ? - Jedwards Mum

Best chatup line of 2011 - I might only have a small C*CK but I can lick the crumbs from the bottom of a Pringles Tin !!

Jamacian Boxer Jigaboo Wogchops has returned to the ring after having both feet amputated due to an horrific accident...
So far he has had 12 fights without defeet !!!

 

[gruntage]

A Wee Irish Boy is crying by the side of the road, Murphy comes up and asks, "what's wrong?", the Wee Boy says, "me Ma is dead", "oh bejaysus", says Murphy, "do you want me to fetch Father O'Riley?", the Wee Boy replies, "no thanks Mister, Sex is the last ting on me moind roight now"

 

[Biscuit]

I can't stand unstable objects.

 

[seagullsdaz]

What do you call a dinosaur with no eyes?

Dnosaur

 

[Norman Potting]

A banker, a Daily Mail reader and a benefit
claimant are sitting at a table sharing
12 biscuits.

The banker takes 11 and says to the
Daily Mail reader:
"Watch out for the benefit claimant,
he wants your biscuit".

 

[Muhammad - I’m hard - Bruce Lee]

i dont think its appropriate to makes jokes after this tragedy,
i know its hard to feel sympathy for them because they're foreigners, but we have to remember they have lost everything in an instant.
they've been left with nothing.

still...theres always next season arsenal