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Crystal Palace - Joke club
- Thread starter peterward
- Start date
A business man gets on the London bound train at Brighton, settles down and starts to doze off. Just outside Croydon he's woken up as the train starts bouncing all over the place. This carries on for a couple of minutes until the train settles down and carries on with it's journey. When the train arrives at Victoria, the business man heads up to the driver and asks what all the fuss was outside Croydon. 'We ran over a Palace fan', 'oh thats ok then, how come it took so long?' 'we had to go across three fields to get him'.
Hunting 784561
New member
- Jul 8, 2003
- 3,651
What is the definition of CHAOS ?
FATHER's Day in CROYDON.
FATHER's Day in CROYDON.
clockey crawley
Member
Walked past Palarse ground the other day and there was three Palarse season tickets stucked to the wall with three rusty six inch nails well i rushed over and nicked them
You never know when them nails will come in handy
You never know when them nails will come in handy
Not saying Palace haven't got any fans but one time I rang up the Palace ticket office to ask what time the game started. "Not sure", was the reply, "What time can you get here?"
Then when we got there my son and I went up to the turnstile. I handed over a tenner to the bloke and said, "That's for two, please."
The bloke replied, "What do you want, forwards or defenders?"
Then when we got there my son and I went up to the turnstile. I handed over a tenner to the bloke and said, "That's for two, please."
The bloke replied, "What do you want, forwards or defenders?"
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bhaexpress
New member
terryberry1
Well-known member
This is best 1 on here. Quality
The Wookiee
Back From The Dead
. 4 surgeons are taking a tea break:
1st surgeon says "Accountants are the best to operate on because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."
2nd surgeon says "Nope, librarians are the best. Everything inside them is in alphabetical order."
3rd surgeon says "Well you should try electricians. Everything inside them is colour coded."
4th surgeon says "I prefer Crystal Palace fans. They're heartless, spineless, gutless and their heads and a**es are interchangeable
1st surgeon says "Accountants are the best to operate on because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."
2nd surgeon says "Nope, librarians are the best. Everything inside them is in alphabetical order."
3rd surgeon says "Well you should try electricians. Everything inside them is colour coded."
4th surgeon says "I prefer Crystal Palace fans. They're heartless, spineless, gutless and their heads and a**es are interchangeable
The Wookiee
Back From The Dead
Two blokes were walking through a cemetery when they happened upon a tombstone that read:
"Here lies John Sweeney, a good man and a Palace fan."
So, one of them asked the other: "When the hell did they start putting two people in one grave?"
"Here lies John Sweeney, a good man and a Palace fan."
So, one of them asked the other: "When the hell did they start putting two people in one grave?"
- Nov 11, 2009
- 12,276
- Thread starter
- #31
Two Nigels head for home after a night on the piss, drowning their sorrows after a huge defeat at the hands of the Albion when Nigel 1 throws up all down the front of his new red and blue top. He says “That’s my marriage over; my wife said if I come home like this again she’s leaving me.” Nigel 2 says “All you’ve got to do is think out of the box, take £20 pound out of your wallet and tell her a Brighton supporter accidently threw up over you as you left the pub and gave you the money to pay for the cleaning.
Nigel 1 gets home and sure enough his wife gives him a real ear bashing and says she is going to get her bags packed and leave, when Nigel 1 finally can get a word in he explains the story about the Brighton supporter and proffers the money to which his wife replies “Why have you got two £20 notes in your hand.” To which Nigel 1 replies “That’s from the other bloke that shit in my pants.”
Nigel 1 gets home and sure enough his wife gives him a real ear bashing and says she is going to get her bags packed and leave, when Nigel 1 finally can get a word in he explains the story about the Brighton supporter and proffers the money to which his wife replies “Why have you got two £20 notes in your hand.” To which Nigel 1 replies “That’s from the other bloke that shit in my pants.”
- Nov 11, 2009
- 12,276
- Thread starter
- #34
12pm Tuesday 27th Sep. CMS and Greer walk into Gus office.
Greer: "you can give the fellas a night off boss, I'm tellin ya, they're so shite me and Craigy here can beat em on our own"
Gus: "you're sure, it will be a full strength Palace team"
Greer: "Aye, but they're so shite and tinpot, you only need me to stop them scoring and craig here to bang em in, and I guarantee we'll score 2 in the first half, 2 in the second half and easily win 4-0 gaffer"
Gus: "Eees sounds easy, OK then Gordo and Craig, I'll give the players and myself the night off, don't let our fans down - see you after the match"
THE MATCH - First Half hightlights
Greer nutmegs Ambrose, beats 2 easily - feeds it through, CMS first touch - BANG, 1-O the crowd go wild.
Greer Nuts Murray sticks him in his pocket, Elbows Zaha, floats one in, CMS peels off his man - Overhead scissors kick, Speroni nowhere near it 2-0, the crowd go wild.
HALF TIME
Gus phones the dressing room
Gus "Whats the score?"
Greer "Like we said boss, they're shite............... I stopped them, Craig scored 2 and it's 2-0 to us"
Gus "Eees not complicated, I see you both after match"
THE PHONE RINGS AGAIN
CMS "Shit, it's me wife, she's had a small accident......... I think I need to leave"
Greer "Aye no bother, I doubt I'll score on me tod, but we're 2-0 up and I can hold this shower of shite - you go and see to your wife, I'll smash these bastards on my own"
CMS "You're sure"
Greer "Aye, off you go"
CMS leaves the Amex in a hurry.
FULL TIME - BACK IN THE CHANGING ROOM - GREER LOOKS DEJECTED AS GUS WALKS IN
Greer "Sorry Boss I let you and the club down"
Gus "what happened, it was 2-0 at half time"
Greer "Aye, Craigs Mrs had an accident and he had to leave - I said I'd be grand on my own for the second half"
Gus "Well what was the score"
Greer "We drew 2-2"
Gus "So you weren't able to hold a full strength Palace team on your own Gordo"
Greer "Well boss I was doing alright, Until I Let the club down"
Gus "Hey, Its no shame conceeding 2 goals all out there on your own Captain"
Greer "I Know, but I wasn't there, I got sent off again 5 minutes into the second half and we had to play the last 40 minutes with 0 men"
Greer: "you can give the fellas a night off boss, I'm tellin ya, they're so shite me and Craigy here can beat em on our own"
Gus: "you're sure, it will be a full strength Palace team"
Greer: "Aye, but they're so shite and tinpot, you only need me to stop them scoring and craig here to bang em in, and I guarantee we'll score 2 in the first half, 2 in the second half and easily win 4-0 gaffer"
Gus: "Eees sounds easy, OK then Gordo and Craig, I'll give the players and myself the night off, don't let our fans down - see you after the match"
THE MATCH - First Half hightlights
Greer nutmegs Ambrose, beats 2 easily - feeds it through, CMS first touch - BANG, 1-O the crowd go wild.
Greer Nuts Murray sticks him in his pocket, Elbows Zaha, floats one in, CMS peels off his man - Overhead scissors kick, Speroni nowhere near it 2-0, the crowd go wild.
HALF TIME
Gus phones the dressing room
Gus "Whats the score?"
Greer "Like we said boss, they're shite............... I stopped them, Craig scored 2 and it's 2-0 to us"
Gus "Eees not complicated, I see you both after match"
THE PHONE RINGS AGAIN
CMS "Shit, it's me wife, she's had a small accident......... I think I need to leave"
Greer "Aye no bother, I doubt I'll score on me tod, but we're 2-0 up and I can hold this shower of shite - you go and see to your wife, I'll smash these bastards on my own"
CMS "You're sure"
Greer "Aye, off you go"
CMS leaves the Amex in a hurry.
FULL TIME - BACK IN THE CHANGING ROOM - GREER LOOKS DEJECTED AS GUS WALKS IN
Greer "Sorry Boss I let you and the club down"
Gus "what happened, it was 2-0 at half time"
Greer "Aye, Craigs Mrs had an accident and he had to leave - I said I'd be grand on my own for the second half"
Gus "Well what was the score"
Greer "We drew 2-2"
Gus "So you weren't able to hold a full strength Palace team on your own Gordo"
Greer "Well boss I was doing alright, Until I Let the club down"
Gus "Hey, Its no shame conceeding 2 goals all out there on your own Captain"
Greer "I Know, but I wasn't there, I got sent off again 5 minutes into the second half and we had to play the last 40 minutes with 0 men"
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You must have nothing better do do with your time.
At least the other ones were one-liners.
- Nov 11, 2009
- 12,276
- Thread starter
- #36
Maybe Nigel, but you're just not funny
Unlike you, I wasn't trying to be.
So far, the only funny thing on this thread, is BHAExpress's private life.
You lot have given me no end of laughs.Losing your ground being the biggest.
Gay jokes
