[Humour] Confession

[jonnyrovers]

With impending doom looming on the horizon I thought it might be useful to absolve oneself of one's worst sins, in a safe place, and increase the chances of heading to the promised land with a cleansed soul. Feel free to join me. Any men of the cloth out there please assign penance to be served accordingly.

Here goes....

Dear NSC

When I was 19 my girlfriend cheated on me. When I found out I was a bit drunk and obviously emotional. For revenge I urinated in her bottle of contact lens solution, basically ensuring she had my pi$$ in her eyes for several weeks after our split. I am not proud of myself.

Please forgive me.

 

[Is it PotG?]

Gotta love NSC.

Think you've seen it all, then BANG.

 

[DavidRyder]

There were probably extenuating circumstances. I'm assuming, having drunk excessive liquids, that you were caught short, and being a good citizen that didn't want to urinate on the floor, looked for the nearest vessel to let flow within. I forgive you.

 

[Cowfold Seagull]

Ridiculous.

 

[jonnyrovers]

There were probably extenuating circumstances. I'm assuming, having drunk excessive liquids, that you were caught short, and being a good citizen that didn't want to urinate on the floor, looked for the nearest vessel to let flow within. I forgive you.

Pretty much what you've just described but with a bit more angst and venom. Thank you for your kindness in forgiving me.

 

[bluenitsuj]

With impending doom looming on the horizon I thought it might be useful to absolve oneself of one's worst sins, in a safe place, and increase the chances of heading to the promised land with a cleansed soul. Feel free to join me. Any men of the cloth out there please assign penance to be served accordingly.

Here goes....

Dear NSC

When I was 19 my girlfriend cheated on me. When I found out I was a bit drunk and obviously emotional. For revenge I urinated in her bottle of contact lens solution, basically ensuring she had my pi$$ in her eyes for several weeks after our split. I am not proud of myself.

Please forgive me.

She got off lightly

 

[Stat Brother]

She got off lightly

Then straight onto someone heavier.

 

[schmunk]

For revenge I urinated in her bottle of contact lens solution, basically ensuring she had my pi$$ in her eyes for several weeks after our split. I am not proud of myself.

I salute your accuracy, getting it to go into that tiny hole:

 

[jonnyrovers]

I salute your accuracy, getting it to go into that tiny hole:

This bit unscrews.

 

[Icy Gull]

With impending doom looming on the horizon I thought it might be useful to absolve oneself of one's worst sins, in a safe place, and increase the chances of heading to the promised land with a cleansed soul. Feel free to join me. Any men of the cloth out there please assign penance to be served accordingly.

Here goes....

Dear NSC

When I was 19 my girlfriend cheated on me. When I found out I was a bit drunk and obviously emotional. For revenge I urinated in her bottle of contact lens solution, basically ensuring she had my pi$$ in her eyes for several weeks after our split. I am not proud of myself.

Please forgive me.

Simon Mayo’s drive time is BACK

 

[lawros left foot]

I had Petty Officer in charge of me on one ship, where my loathing of him was absolute. My feelings toward him, were reciprocated on his part making my life a misery.
On the night before his summer leave, I managed to get his car keys when he was ashore, and taped a kipper to the underside of the drivers seat. He and his family were off on a 2 week driving holiday in the South of France the very next morning.
Apparently throughout the holiday, there was a vile fishy smell eminating from his car , to the extent of having to travel with all the windows open from the 3rd day onward.

I’m not proud of this (now) although I was at the time.

 

[Icy Gull]

I had Petty Officer in charge of me on one ship, where my loathing of him was absolute. My feelings toward him, were reciprocated on his part making my life a misery.
On the night before his summer leave, I managed to get his car keys when he was ashore, and taped a kipper to the underside of the drivers seat. He and his family were off on a 2 week driving holiday in the South of France the very next morning.
Apparently throughout the holiday, there was a vile fishy smell eminating from his car , to the extent of having to travel with all the windows open from the 3rd day onward.

I’m not proud of this (now) although I was at the time.

Brilliant, you have every right to be proud of that one!

 

[schmunk]

I salute your accuracy, getting it to go into that tiny hole:

This bit unscrews.

 

[AmexRuislip]

With impending doom looming on the horizon I thought it might be useful to absolve oneself of one's worst sins, in a safe place, and increase the chances of heading to the promised land with a cleansed soul. Feel free to join me. Any men of the cloth out there please assign penance to be served accordingly.

Here goes....

Dear NSC

When I was 19 my girlfriend cheated on me. When I found out I was a bit drunk and obviously emotional. For revenge I urinated in her bottle of contact lens solution, basically ensuring she had my pi$$ in her eyes for several weeks after our split. I am not proud of myself.

Please forgive me.

Reminds me of that song:

'I can see clearly now the urine has gone.....'

 

[jonnyrovers]

I had Petty Officer in charge of me on one ship, where my loathing of him was absolute. My feelings toward him, were reciprocated on his part making my life a misery.
On the night before his summer leave, I managed to get his car keys when he was ashore, and taped a kipper to the underside of the drivers seat. He and his family were off on a 2 week driving holiday in the South of France the very next morning.
Apparently throughout the holiday, there was a vile fishy smell eminating from his car , to the extent of having to travel with all the windows open from the 3rd day onward.

I’m not proud of this (now) although I was at the time.

Beautiful stuff. You are forgiven.

 

[lawros left foot]

Beautiful stuff. You are forgiven.

Thank you Father

 

[A mex eyecan]

on behalf of my friends, friends sister.
When she was 19 she cheated on her boyfriend who was pi55ed at what she did.
She left the room so he thought he was alone knowing that he would try to exact his revenge. In advance of telling him she had secretly set up a video recorder and captured him peeing into a small bottle on the table. When he had finished he left the building thinking he had got evens.

She has spent the last x years feeling guilty as she sent a copy of the film to his family home for them all to see. She realises now that that wasn’t a nice thing to do. Is she forgiven. Is she forgiven?

 

[Knocky's Nose]

Talking of administering urine...

I used to go to the 'Roxy' nightclub on the pier as a (late) teenager. We used to leave our pints at the side of the dance floor when we wandered up for a boogie to impress the ladies, and many times our pints would be missing when we came off.

So, we got one of our pals to hang back and watch - then he spotted a pair of lads grab pints and laugh as they walked off with them, taking nice big gulps of Fosters.

Later, we then took half a pint of lager each to the toilet, topped it up with piss - then did the same - leaving them on the ledge at the side of the dance floor.

We watched intently, and true to form they reciprocated by stealing our pints and taking big swigs, then looking at each other about ten steps later and putting them straight down.

Oh how we laughed.

 

[Weststander]

Talking of administering urine...

I used to go to the 'Roxy' nightclub on the pier as a (late) teenager. We used to leave our pints at the side of the dance floor when we wandered up for a boogie to impress the ladies, and many times our pints would be missing when we came off.

So, we got one of our pals to hang back and watch - then he spotted a pair of lads grab pints and laugh as they walked off with them, taking nice big gulps of Fosters.

Later, we then took half a pint of lager each to the toilet, topped it up with piss - then did the same - leaving them on the ledge at the side of the dance floor.

We watched intently, and true to form they reciprocated by stealing our pints and taking big swigs, then looking at each other about ten steps later and putting them straight down.

Oh how we laughed.

We did exactly that at the Pink Coconut club, Brighton in the 80’s. In the dark, it looked exactly like Fosters, but a bit warmer.

 

[jonnyrovers]

on behalf of my friends, friends sister.
When she was 19 she cheated on her boyfriend who was pi55ed at what she did.
She left the room so he thought he was alone knowing that he would try to exact his revenge. In advance of telling him she had secretly set up a video recorder and captured him peeing into a small bottle on the table. When he had finished he left the building thinking he had got evens.

She has spent the last x years feeling guilty as she sent a copy of the film to his family home for them all to see. She realises now that that wasn’t a nice thing to do. Is she forgiven. Is she forgiven?

Touche'

She is forgiven