[Misc] Completely pointless phrases in adverts, recipes, instructions etc

[Highfields Seagull]

This, it turns out is completely unrelated because I misread the thread title, but I'm going to share it anyway.

You know many recipe websites have a whole load of pre-amble on each recipe page, meaning you have to scroll down, and down, and down before you finally get to the bit you're interested in?

Try this:

Just the Recipe: Skip the clutter on any recipe site

A free tool to get just the ingredients and instructions for any recipe page. No life story, popups, or other clutter.

www.justtherecipe.com

Oh my god. This is the best thing ever invented for the internet. My life is now complete. I absolutely cannot stand having to wade through a load of complete drivel to finally get to the recipe for what I want to cook. I don't care about your f***ing life story, I just want a nice dinner.

 

[pasty]

Any pub sign that advertises things like good beer, good food - etc. As if they would advertise 'Shite beer, crap food - come on in'.

See also: Nice hot cup of tea anyone?

No thanks, I’ll have a horrible cold one if you don’t mind.

 

[Harry Wilson's tackle]

I was just looking at a recipe and it said 'Good Quality Beef Stock'. Lucky they said that as I was going to use a piss poor one

And on ads for musicians 'no time wasters'. That'll be me then, better not apply

And over to NSC ...

I just realized that you have missed an r out of your title, but as a grade 1 arselicker you should be able to fix it. As a grade 1 arselicker myself maybe I could fix it for you. But I can't be bothered. There, I said it.

 

[drew]

'Sale ends tomorrow.'



Because a new sale starts the day after!!!

 

[mune ni kamome]

Always used to make me chuckle in the motoring section adverts saying “No tyre kickers”

 

[Leekbrookgull]

You are trundling along the highway when you catch up with an artic lorry and on the back are signs reading long vehicle, now quite simply if you don't realise that a hgv is almost certainly a long vehicle then really should you be driving?

 

[Taybha]

Why hasn't some genius invented the mere 1% of germ killer the rest of the anti bacterial spray company giants seem unable to locate.

This could be the way forward,quoting a caller
Mary from Thunder Bay informed her local radio station on a post COVID hygiene phone in.

"I always buy 2 bottles of Det***, use a capful from one bottle and a half capful from the other,that way you know you've killed approximately 149% of all known germs, better safe than sorry"

 

[keaton]

This, it turns out is completely unrelated because I misread the thread title, but I'm going to share it anyway.

You know many recipe websites have a whole load of pre-amble on each recipe page, meaning you have to scroll down, and down, and down before you finally get to the bit you're interested in?

Try this:

Just the Recipe: Skip the clutter on any recipe site

A free tool to get just the ingredients and instructions for any recipe page. No life story, popups, or other clutter.

www.justtherecipe.com

Isn't that more time consuming than clicking on the Jump To Recipe button they all have?

 

[happypig]

Any pub sign that advertises things like good beer, good food - etc. As if they would advertise 'Shite beer, crap food - come on in'.

They spell it "Wetherspoons"

 

[seagullwedgee]

We had some Himalayan rock salt that had “the purest mineral content that had been formed over 2 million years”.

Regrettably I went to use it whilst cooking, and it turns out it had passed its sell-by date a week last Tuesday.

How unlucky is that FFS?

 

[Zeberdi]

Directions to a secret nuclear bunker …

And a sign informing you that it is useless

 

[Home and Away]

"This bag is not a toy"

 

[Colonel Mustard]

They spell it "Wetherspoons"

The beer (ale) at my local 'Spoons is absolutely fine and nearly half the price of my usual local. No complaints here! I don’t dine out there but from what I can see it's in the cheap and cheerful category. If your needs are more refined, go elsewhere.

As for slogans, my bête noire are those slogans that sound clever but are ungrammatical and sort of trail off, meaning nothing. For instance, Rightmove's "Find your happy". I did have a list of them but can’t locate it at the moment. One grim tagline spotted recently when passing a Lexus garage was "Experience amazing".

 

[razer]

"Minimum 80% meat" on an M & S leg of pork.

 

[Muzzman]

"Minimum 80% meat" on an M & S leg of pork.

This is understandable if it's meat on the bone.

 

[Zeberdi]

I just realized that you have missed an r out of your title, but as a grade 1 arselicker you should be able to fix it. As a grade 1 arselicker myself maybe I could fix it for you. But I can't be bothered. There, I said it.

You’re a very funny person @Harry Wilson's tackle - can we swap names?

 

[MTSeagulls]

This allergen warning on a box of eggs I bought.

 

[razer]

This is understandable if it's meat on the bone.

It wasn't.

 

[Cowfold Seagull]

It really wouldn't bother me if they were, l've always been meh about fireworks, a total wste of money in my book.

 

[Muzzman]

It wasn't.

Well that’s crap then… maybe the other 20% is water?