[Misc] Completely pointless phrases in adverts, recipes, instructions etc

[tedebear]

I hate the grammar, sorry if this is slight off topic. Best stored in THE fridge you noodles!!

 

[Baldseagull]

I hate the grammar, sorry if this is slight off topic. Best stored in THE fridge you noodles!!View attachment 169148

What if the purchaser has 2 fridges?

 

[W3D]

‘Live on stage’ - any act that’s about to perform in front of an audience. I mean FFS they’re hardly likely to be dead, are they?

However, in the old days of top of the pops, when they used to say ' Live in the studio' , and the band then went on to mime to their record, and it was recorded the day before, in whose world is that live?

 

[tedebear]

What if the purchaser has 2 fridges?

Oooh, hadn't thought of that... would you split the pack?

 

[Baldseagull]

It wasn't.

I guess with pork there was a layer of fat and skin, for crackling.

 

[W3D]

The beer (ale) at my local 'Spoons is absolutely fine and nearly half the price of my usual local. No complaints here! I don’t dine out there but from what I can see it's in the cheap and cheerful category. If your needs are more refined, go elsewhere.

As for slogans, my bête noire are those slogans that sound clever but are ungrammatical and sort of trail off, meaning nothing. For instance, Rightmove's "Find your happy". I did have a list of them but can’t locate it at the moment. One grim tagline spotted recently when passing a Lexus garage was "Experience amazing".

I'm with you in the Spoons thing, can't understand the low opinion of them. I've never had to send back a bad pint there, always incredibly low priced and extensive choice.
Ok, the food ,as you say, is cheap and cheerful, but that's where it's aimed.
You wouldn't choose Spoons for a romantic night out, but then I wouldn't go to The Ivy for a few before an away game.

 

[W3D]

I hate the grammar, sorry if this is slight off topic. Best stored in THE fridge you noodles!!View attachment 169148

And presumably I need a shower before use

 

[Colonel Mustard]

I hate the grammar, sorry if this is slight off topic. Best stored in THE fridge you noodles!!View attachment 169148

That's not ungrammatical. It doesn't jar with me at all as it's just a general information message and isn't referring to any particular fridge.

On a similar note, it's interesting that Americans tend to say "I was taken to the hospital" while we omit the "the".

 

[el punal]

However, in the old days of top of the pops, when they used to say ' Live in the studio' , and the band then went on to mime to their record, and it was recorded the day before, in whose world is that live?

Personally I would prefer to be dead than alive, or live, in a Top Of The Pops studio. The excruciating shit, with very few exceptions, that was broadcast was so mind numbingly awful.

 

[el punal]

This one is aimed at Southern Trains, or the department that deals with on board train announcements -
“This train will shortly be arriving into Brighton.”
No, FFS!! You arrive at Brighton, or you will be pulling into Brighton, or this train will terminate at Brighton.

NOT arrive into!

 

[Happy Exile]

This one is aimed at Southern Trains, or the department that deals with on board train announcements -
“This train will shortly be arriving into Brighton.”
No, FFS!! You arrive at Brighton, or you will be pulling into Brighton, or this train will terminate at Brighton.

NOT arrive into!

Trains have a different baseline for language I think. After an announcement I once had to explain to some confused Portuguese tourists what "alight" meant in the context of train travel.

 

[birthofanorange]

It really wouldn't bother me if they were, l've always been meh about fireworks, a total wste of money in my book.

Wrong thread, perhaps?

 

[B-right-on]

Well that’s crap then… maybe the other 20% is water?

Have heard of some suppliers injecting water into meat to increase the weight years ago. Not sure if it still goes on.

 

[Kojakker]

This one is aimed at Southern Trains, or the department that deals with on board train announcements -
“This train will shortly be arriving into Brighton.”
No, FFS!! You arrive at Brighton, or you will be pulling into Brighton, or this train will terminate at Brighton.

NOT arrive into!

See also “our next station stop will be…”. Either station or stop is fine, we don’t need both.
This is easily the most insignificant thing that irritates me, but it never fails.

 

[East London Exile]

Why hasn't some genius invented the mere 1% of germ killer the rest of the anti bacterial spray company giants seem unable to locate.

This could be the way forward,quoting a caller
Mary from Thunder Bay informed her local radio station on a post COVID hygiene phone in.

"I always buy 2 bottles of Det***, use a capful from one bottle and a half capful from the other,that way you know you've killed approximately 149% of all known germs, better safe than sorry"

I have always wondered why the cleaning materials companies emphasise that their product kills 99% of known germs - it is the remaining 1% and the unknown germs that we need to worry about!

 

[nickbrighton]

"Sell by' dates on bottled water that has been filtered through crystal steams and passed through numerous bodies over many, many years.

I used to think this but Its not for the water-its for the plastic bottle degrading and contaminating the water

 

[jakarta]

What if the purchaser has 2 fridges?

Well he will need...

 

[Skuller]

How about, in a recipe: “now add 500ml of a good Burgundy”. Do you really think I’m going to waste good red wine in cooking?

 

[chimneys]

I was just looking at a recipe and it said 'Good Quality Beef Stock'. Lucky they said that as I was going to use a piss poor one

And on ads for musicians 'no time wasters'. That'll be me then, better not apply

And over to NSC ...

Completely pointless phrases in adverts, recipes, instructions etc​

Use of the word Completely when followed by pointless!

 

[Bozza]

Oh my god. This is the best thing ever invented for the internet. My life is now complete. I absolutely cannot stand having to wade through a load of complete drivel to finally get to the recipe for what I want to cook. I don't care about your f***ing life story, I just want a nice dinner.

Google are coming after those long-winded recipe page wankers...