[Misc] Christmas and mental health

[banjo]

So this is a hard one to write. I created a separate account to post this as my usual account name is used on other parts of the web. Sad to say that I am still ashamed to admit that I have had depression and anxiety for most of my life, over 30 years at least. I have only ever told a handful of people, none of my close friends know. I finally went to my GP around 9 years ago when it got to the point I was losing the ability to function properly.

Since then I have had therapy, support and at times it makes a difference. However, I still don’t know what causes my mental illness and I feel weak and a failure I cannot control it. I know this is not rational but I can’t help it.

The last week has been pretty bad, I can feel that there is an episode for want of a better word coming. Medication will take at least 3 – 4 weeks to take effect. I can feel my mood getting really low, it’s like you know something really bad is coming up and you know it’s going to be awful but you cannot get out of it.

In the early hours of yesterday morning I ended up sitting on the sofa crying, trying desperately to not wake up anyone else. I didn’t want to go to bed, didn’t want to stay up, I was exhausted but could not sleep, and I know this isn’t even the worst of it – that’s still on the way. Eventually I did get bed for a few hours but then woke up again and could do nothing but cry. Just writing this I think you’re a grown man ffs, pull yourself together and get a f**king grip. It’s so hard.

I don’t know if it’s the time of year, stress, other factors. I am hoping at the moment that when we break work for Xmas I can get a rest and it might help improve. Maybe just writing this and getting it out will help. I don’t want to go to the GP at the moment as they are so over worked, there are people dying with Covid, and really ill people not being seen as so much focus is being put on it. I also don’t want to go back on pills. They also ask so many questions which I don’t want to discuss. It’s like continually having to admit it over and over that you don’t work like a normal person.

What’s so exhausting is putting on a mask for the outside world that everything is fine. People want you to do secret santa when actually all your energy is going into holding yourself together let alone having to worry about sorting out someone else’s present. Going for Xmas drinks when you’re on medication or your head’s not right and don’t want to drink because it totally messes you up. Then having to explain why you’re not drinking. Making up excuses or lying. Getting pressured from everyone to join in and being called a scrooge or miserable because all you want to do if shut yourself in a room and be left alone.

Some people would say tell people, they will understand. Thing is, I don’t want to be a victim, I don’t want people to treat me differently. I don’t want people at work thinking they have to talk to me differently or have to walk on eggshells because I might be having a bad day. Worst of all, I don’t want people constantly asking are you ok? How are you feeling as every time I have to say actually I’m feeling really crap I feel like I’m again admitting that I can’t deal with this shit. I just don’t want to talk about it a lot of the time.

I’m so sorry to have to write this here. I just don’t want people to think they are the only ones going through these things. If people don’t want a drink, leave it, don’t pressure them. If they don’t want to join in, leave it –no one knows what demons they are fighting.

We’ll done, you’ve done the hard part and opened up to a lot more people than you said you could. Small steps and you’ll get there. Like a lot of people say talking about/ sharing a problem is always the best way.

 

[Insel affe]

What’s so exhausting is putting on a mask for the outside world that everything is fine. Getting pressured from everyone to join in and being called a scrooge or miserable because all you want to do if shut yourself in a room and be left alone.

This all day long, about half an hour ago my wife sent me a text asking me to try and come home happy...
She just does not get it, her patience level is pretty low, I love her dearly though.
I don't even really feel like going home full stop sometimes.
I know my cloud will lift soon, I don't seem as bad as others have explained how it affects them, much like yourself. Mine seem to come every few months and last about two weeks, I can't work that out.

So this is a hard one to write.

So pleased you found the strength to though.

I’m so sorry to have to write this here.

You have absolutely nothing to apologise for and nothing to be ashamed of.

If people don’t want a drink, leave it, don’t pressure them. If they don’t want to join in, leave it –no one knows what demons they are fighting.

Wise words, and I hope the fog clears soon.

 

[pearl]

So this is a hard one to write. I created a separate account to post this as my usual account name is used on other parts of the web. Sad to say that I am still ashamed to admit that I have had depression and anxiety for most of my life, over 30 years at least. I have only ever told a handful of people, none of my close friends know. I finally went to my GP around 9 years ago when it got to the point I was losing the ability to function properly.

Since then I have had therapy, support and at times it makes a difference. However, I still don’t know what causes my mental illness and I feel weak and a failure I cannot control it. I know this is not rational but I can’t help it.

The last week has been pretty bad, I can feel that there is an episode for want of a better word coming. Medication will take at least 3 – 4 weeks to take effect. I can feel my mood getting really low, it’s like you know something really bad is coming up and you know it’s going to be awful but you cannot get out of it.

In the early hours of yesterday morning I ended up sitting on the sofa crying, trying desperately to not wake up anyone else. I didn’t want to go to bed, didn’t want to stay up, I was exhausted but could not sleep, and I know this isn’t even the worst of it – that’s still on the way. Eventually I did get bed for a few hours but then woke up again and could do nothing but cry. Just writing this I think you’re a grown man ffs, pull yourself together and get a f**king grip. It’s so hard.

I don’t know if it’s the time of year, stress, other factors. I am hoping at the moment that when we break work for Xmas I can get a rest and it might help improve. Maybe just writing this and getting it out will help. I don’t want to go to the GP at the moment as they are so over worked, there are people dying with Covid, and really ill people not being seen as so much focus is being put on it. I also don’t want to go back on pills. They also ask so many questions which I don’t want to discuss. It’s like continually having to admit it over and over that you don’t work like a normal person.

What’s so exhausting is putting on a mask for the outside world that everything is fine. People want you to do secret santa when actually all your energy is going into holding yourself together let alone having to worry about sorting out someone else’s present. Going for Xmas drinks when you’re on medication or your head’s not right and don’t want to drink because it totally messes you up. Then having to explain why you’re not drinking. Making up excuses or lying. Getting pressured from everyone to join in and being called a scrooge or miserable because all you want to do if shut yourself in a room and be left alone.

Some people would say tell people, they will understand. Thing is, I don’t want to be a victim, I don’t want people to treat me differently. I don’t want people at work thinking they have to talk to me differently or have to walk on eggshells because I might be having a bad day. Worst of all, I don’t want people constantly asking are you ok? How are you feeling as every time I have to say actually I’m feeling really crap I feel like I’m again admitting that I can’t deal with this shit. I just don’t want to talk about it a lot of the time.

I’m so sorry to have to write this here. I just don’t want people to think they are the only ones going through these things. If people don’t want a drink, leave it, don’t pressure them. If they don’t want to join in, leave it –no one knows what demons they are fighting.

Don't be sorry, it's what the thread is for. Grown men no longer have to be seen as some sort of Rambo He-man. I don't know what else to say atm
best wishes .... you are far from alone

 

[Thunder Bolt]

So this is a hard one to write. I created a separate account to post this as my usual account name is used on other parts of the web. Sad to say that I am still ashamed to admit that I have had depression and anxiety for most of my life, over 30 years at least. I have only ever told a handful of people, none of my close friends know. I finally went to my GP around 9 years ago when it got to the point I was losing the ability to function properly.

Since then I have had therapy, support and at times it makes a difference. However, I still don’t know what causes my mental illness and I feel weak and a failure I cannot control it. I know this is not rational but I can’t help it.

The last week has been pretty bad, I can feel that there is an episode for want of a better word coming. Medication will take at least 3 – 4 weeks to take effect. I can feel my mood getting really low, it’s like you know something really bad is coming up and you know it’s going to be awful but you cannot get out of it.

In the early hours of yesterday morning I ended up sitting on the sofa crying, trying desperately to not wake up anyone else. I didn’t want to go to bed, didn’t want to stay up, I was exhausted but could not sleep, and I know this isn’t even the worst of it – that’s still on the way. Eventually I did get bed for a few hours but then woke up again and could do nothing but cry. Just writing this I think you’re a grown man ffs, pull yourself together and get a f**king grip. It’s so hard.

I don’t know if it’s the time of year, stress, other factors. I am hoping at the moment that when we break work for Xmas I can get a rest and it might help improve. Maybe just writing this and getting it out will help. I don’t want to go to the GP at the moment as they are so over worked, there are people dying with Covid, and really ill people not being seen as so much focus is being put on it. I also don’t want to go back on pills. They also ask so many questions which I don’t want to discuss. It’s like continually having to admit it over and over that you don’t work like a normal person.

What’s so exhausting is putting on a mask for the outside world that everything is fine. People want you to do secret santa when actually all your energy is going into holding yourself together let alone having to worry about sorting out someone else’s present. Going for Xmas drinks when you’re on medication or your head’s not right and don’t want to drink because it totally messes you up. Then having to explain why you’re not drinking. Making up excuses or lying. Getting pressured from everyone to join in and being called a scrooge or miserable because all you want to do if shut yourself in a room and be left alone.

Some people would say tell people, they will understand. Thing is, I don’t want to be a victim, I don’t want people to treat me differently. I don’t want people at work thinking they have to talk to me differently or have to walk on eggshells because I might be having a bad day. Worst of all, I don’t want people constantly asking are you ok? How are you feeling as every time I have to say actually I’m feeling really crap I feel like I’m again admitting that I can’t deal with this shit. I just don’t want to talk about it a lot of the time.

I’m so sorry to have to write this here. I just don’t want people to think they are the only ones going through these things. If people don’t want a drink, leave it, don’t pressure them. If they don’t want to join in, leave it –no one knows what demons they are fighting.

Please do ring your GP. Yes, they are busy, but if you broke your arm, you wouldn’t sit as home, but would ask for help. I did yesterday, and have started taking tablets. It’s nothing to be ashamed of, and if it helps, then that is one solution.
Is there anyone you can talk to? It doesn’t have to a relative but someone who is prepared to listen. Talking does help, although it is difficult to start. Bottling it up does make it worse.
Keep posting on here if it helps to release those negative feelings.

 

[Biscuit Barrel]

Hope this is a "safe space" to share. I've been on antidepressants my whole life since 16, and a binge drinker, maybe once a week.

Really struggling right now with brain fog and concentration, which in turn is making me anxious, so I've been taking extra propanalol to calm it. Since being signed off work, I sleep around 15 hours a day. Very few things bring me any joy, maybe the Albion and food.

I keep walking into rooms and getting confused why I am there, or something like a shower feels like a marathon. I am only 35 FFS.

It has taken me about ten minutes just to type this as I keep having to re-read it

****ing fed up.

You sound just like I was at your age. I have no idea if our circumstances are the same, but I will tell you what worked for me.

I started to lead a very healthy lifestyle. I gave up alcohol, only ate healthy food and exercised for an hour a day. It was a really struggle at first, but after a few months it became my normal routine.

I lost 6 stone in weight, got loads of energy and my anxiety and depression has all but disappeared. I only take about 8 propanalol a year now and feel pretty "normal" most of the time.

If I let my healthy lifestyle slip a little, I can feel my stress levels creeping back up.

I know Adel recently said in an interview that the reason she lost weight was because exercise was the only time her anxiety and depression went away. Might work for you, but I am no expert.

Wishing you all the best.

 

[Mr Banana]

Just in case it's of use to anyone: tomorrow is the last time you can reliably get repeat prescriptions of antis and be sure of getting them in time for next weekend.

Big up everyone. If you ever get desperate and want monotone company, I'll always happily get you a beer/rum and coke

 

[Lenny Rider]

We've all just got to make that effort to reach out to each other.

Last couple of weeks I've really found myself in a dark place, work and other historic issues, at dear old Stuart Ashby's funeral last week I got really emotional, not just I think for seeing an old mate off but everything else.

The obvious antidote is to talk and meet friends, went to the Wolves game last week and had a great night interrupted by 101 minutes of dirge, then I looked at the mobile Thursday and made a conscious effort to meet up with an old mate Saturday lunch time.

Did that, had a great time, and feel so much better and equally as important my friend who was also not feeling 100% said the same thing.

So, get your phone, look at your contacts, and reach out and talk to mate who you may think might be struggling or in need of just a good old chin wag and where possible and safely meet up.

Please remember its okay not to be okay but also talking is so beneficial and important especially during this festive period.

Take care one and all, and as Mr Banana said I'm also here to talk if needed, just pm me.

 

[Knocky's Nose]

Good thread [MENTION=36757]Happy Exile[/MENTION] and certainly one I shall be contributing to and reading with interest over the next couple of weeks.

I used to love this time of year - the build up to Christmas and the sense of one year drawing to a close and a new one just around the corner.

But I'll be honest, now that I live apart from my children I find the whole build up to Christmas and the day itself very difficult and something I try to ignore so far as I can (which obviously is impossible). I try telling myself that "it's just another day..." except well, it isn't is it?

It's silly, little things that make it hurt. Things like just getting up on Christmas Day and standing in the kitchen on my own and making a cup of coffee and wondering how to fill the day, acutely aware of the chaos and excitement that will be unfolding in homes up and down the country. Or even that BBC ident from a couple of years ago that was played between programmes throughout December with the strapline "Together at Christmas." (I told you they were silly little things, but they have the ability to cut to the core). Things like watching on enviously as everybody else builds up for the 'big day' and then feeling bad for being envious rather than happy for them.

I wouldn't say it is a mental health thing for me; it's just a sad, poignant time of year for me and frankly I'll be glad when it is all over. Having said that, I do love giving my kids their gifts and seeing how excited they get about Christmas - but I still feel bad that I can no longer give them the traditional family Christmas like the ones we used to have.

Thanks for the thread, HE.

One thing I've learnt in life is the 'perfect life' or indeed the 'perfect Christmas' which they portray on TV, Radio and the TV adverts is true for maybe 0.0001% of the population. The rest of it is marketing bollocks to make you buy things in the hope that will be your Christmas...

The rest of us all have things which are missing.... be it smiling and laughing family around you, expensive gifts wrapped with ribbons and bows, the big fancy house in the advert, platters of delicious food, amazing decorations, snow and glitter, little dogs running around with hats on etc etc...

You're seeing your kids, which many people don't get to do. Be thankful for that and make that 'your' Christmas.

Mine is either Christmas Eve, or the day before (now they're grown up and have other things to do) when we get together as a family (Mrs Nose, myself, and my two kids) to watch 'Elf' .. We make a night of it, drink, eat, and although we now all know the film word for word we love it - and it's the closest we are all year. To me, this is Christmas - and I'd happily swap it for Christmas Day every single time.

All that bullshit you see on TV isn't real so don't let it make you think you're missing something. You're not. We are not....

What I'm saying is, make Christmas your own. If it's a mince pie and brandy cream with your Nan, or a beer with your best mate - you make it what you want. Don't compare it to anyone else's. It's yours. Enjoy it for that.

 

[Lethargic]

So this is a hard one to write. I created a separate account to post this as my usual account name is used on other parts of the web. Sad to say that I am still ashamed to admit that I have had depression and anxiety for most of my life, over 30 years at least. I have only ever told a handful of people, none of my close friends know. I finally went to my GP around 9 years ago when it got to the point I was losing the ability to function properly.

Since then I have had therapy, support and at times it makes a difference. However, I still don’t know what causes my mental illness and I feel weak and a failure I cannot control it. I know this is not rational but I can’t help it.

The last week has been pretty bad, I can feel that there is an episode for want of a better word coming. Medication will take at least 3 – 4 weeks to take effect. I can feel my mood getting really low, it’s like you know something really bad is coming up and you know it’s going to be awful but you cannot get out of it.

In the early hours of yesterday morning I ended up sitting on the sofa crying, trying desperately to not wake up anyone else. I didn’t want to go to bed, didn’t want to stay up, I was exhausted but could not sleep, and I know this isn’t even the worst of it – that’s still on the way. Eventually I did get bed for a few hours but then woke up again and could do nothing but cry. Just writing this I think you’re a grown man ffs, pull yourself together and get a f**king grip. It’s so hard.

I don’t know if it’s the time of year, stress, other factors. I am hoping at the moment that when we break work for Xmas I can get a rest and it might help improve. Maybe just writing this and getting it out will help. I don’t want to go to the GP at the moment as they are so over worked, there are people dying with Covid, and really ill people not being seen as so much focus is being put on it. I also don’t want to go back on pills. They also ask so many questions which I don’t want to discuss. It’s like continually having to admit it over and over that you don’t work like a normal person.

What’s so exhausting is putting on a mask for the outside world that everything is fine. People want you to do secret santa when actually all your energy is going into holding yourself together let alone having to worry about sorting out someone else’s present. Going for Xmas drinks when you’re on medication or your head’s not right and don’t want to drink because it totally messes you up. Then having to explain why you’re not drinking. Making up excuses or lying. Getting pressured from everyone to join in and being called a scrooge or miserable because all you want to do if shut yourself in a room and be left alone.

Some people would say tell people, they will understand. Thing is, I don’t want to be a victim, I don’t want people to treat me differently. I don’t want people at work thinking they have to talk to me differently or have to walk on eggshells because I might be having a bad day. Worst of all, I don’t want people constantly asking are you ok? How are you feeling as every time I have to say actually I’m feeling really crap I feel like I’m again admitting that I can’t deal with this shit. I just don’t want to talk about it a lot of the time.

I’m so sorry to have to write this here. I just don’t want people to think they are the only ones going through these things. If people don’t want a drink, leave it, don’t pressure them. If they don’t want to join in, leave it –no one knows what demons they are fighting.

That is a top post (hope you know what I mean) well done and something you should be proud of, good luck in your journey.

 

[OSRGull]

I have been suffering a lot lately, I lost my job for the second time within a year and also split with my other half within a week of each other. I’ve tried reaching out to friends, I am just so fed up with things going wrong for me all the time. Sometimes I just want to go for a walk and not return.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

[DJ NOBO]

This all day long, about half an hour ago my wife sent me a text asking me to try and come home happy...

Unfortunately that’s just about the worst thing to say to someone who is struggling with depression/mental health.
I don’t know you , or your wife, but she probably doesn’t realise this,
Fwiw My Mrs is also low on patience and understanding at times, when I am low.
I have found that talking to her about exactly how my mind works (or fails) has helped her understand better, and not see me as a belligerent oddball.
I had to pick my moments though.

 

[pearl]

Unfortunately that’s just about the worst thing to say to someone who is struggling with depression/mental health.
I don’t know you , or your wife, but she probably doesn’t realise this,
Fwiw My Mrs is also low on patience and understanding at times, when I am low.
I have found that talking to her about exactly how my mind works (or fails) has helped her understand better, and not see me as a belligerent oddball.
I had to pick my moments though.

great post and great advice

and [MENTION=13230]Psychobilly freakout[/MENTION] don't forget to ..... tell her you love her dearly

 

[pearl]

I have been suffering a lot lately, I lost my job for the second time within a year and also split with my other half within a week of each other. I’ve tried reaching out to friends, I am just so fed up with things going wrong for me all the time. Sometimes I just want to go for a walk and not return.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

You have every right to be fed up, what a shit time you've had. Sometimes I just want to go for a walk and not return, just escape from being ME. Going for a walk seems to help though. It's strange since all this covid crap I have chatted to so many complete strangers .... it's like we're all a bit damaged. Best wishes and take care

 

[Insel affe]

Unfortunately that’s just about the worst thing to say to someone who is struggling with depression/mental health.
I don’t know you , or your wife, but she probably doesn’t realise this,
Fwiw My Mrs is also low on patience and understanding at times, when I am low.
I have found that talking to her about exactly how my mind works (or fails) has helped her understand better, and not see me as a belligerent oddball.
I had to pick my moments though.

Good advice, I have recently started to tell her, I am starting to feel anxious and overwhelmed.
To be fair to her, she has given me space and been understanding to a point.
I think because you can't actually see anything as such, it can be difficult to appreciate some one in pain mentally.

 

[Notters]

Really struggling with the uncertainty at the moment. Supposed to be going down to the in-laws on 27th which gives us the chance for a bit of respite from the kids, but is it going to happen? Probably not.
So many people seem so sure that the current situation either IS or ISN'T very serious, but I can't see the evidence either way.
Didn't realise how anxious I was until my back went yesterday - as always happens when I get too stressed.
At least I now know this is TMS and can get rid of it again.

For anyone who has any particular/unusual symptoms, particularly back/shoulder pain, stomach pain, headaches - consider whether it could be your body trying to distract you from anxiety.

 

[MJsGhost]

[tweet] 1471544863871152132 [/tweet]

 

[Thunder Bolt]

I have been suffering a lot lately, I lost my job for the second time within a year and also split with my other half within a week of each other. I’ve tried reaching out to friends, I am just so fed up with things going wrong for me all the time. Sometimes I just want to go for a walk and not return.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Go for the walk and look around you. Look at the trees and gardens which look really bare at the moment, but remember underneath those trees and gardens are preparing for Spring when it gets better.
Bad times don't last any more than good times don't last. Things will get better.

Walking is good for exercise and exercise will help release endorphins that make you feel better.

 

[Notters]

Go for the walk and look around you. Look at the trees and gardens which look really bare at the moment, but remember underneath those trees and gardens are preparing for Spring when it gets better.
Bad times don't last any more than good times don't last. Things will get better.

Walking is good for exercise and exercise will help release endorphins that make you feel better.

Well said, exercise and nature are my go to solutions, and combining the two is even better.

 

[DarrenFreemansPerm]

I must confess that I’m wracked with anxiety for the upcoming Christmas period. Sadly we lost Mrs DFP’s mother earlier in the year, she was an incredible lady and the hub of the family. The main concern is that we’ve taken the responsibility of ‘hosting’ Christmas for Mrs DFP’s sister and father, the relationship with her dad could be described as rocky and that would be underselling it by some distance, as tough as it might sound my partner resents being forced into having a faux relationship with her father . Obviously emotions will be running super high as it’s the first Christmas without wife/mum for her side of the family, coupled with the fact that her father has a history of depression/mental health issues I’m absolutely bricking it that the shit is going to hit the fan. I really want it to be a lovely few days, mainly for my little boy who at nearly 4yrs old is mega excited for Christmas, I can’t bare the thought of him being in the middle of World War III should it all erupt. There’s so many trigger points which can quickly escalate it’s impossible to try and mediate constantly so it’s almost inevitable that there’ll be a flare up.
I haven’t slept properly for a while despite being exhausted and I’ve no doubt it’s because I’m highly conscious of what’s potentially lurking around the corner.

 

[Clive Walker]

I think I've said this before but worth a little pat on the back to each and everyone one of the contributors on this thread.

For much of the time NSC is a place of tit for tat, messages with in-hostile intent, repetition and passive aggression. But beyond all that you sometimes see threads like this which make NSC a very special place at times and unique in the world of football forums.

You should all be very proud. While only in its infancy this is one of my all time favourite threads quite simply due to its importance and the simple fact that we have (on the whole) a group of men of various ages speaking about how they feel.