[Misc] Christmas and mental health

[Insel affe]

I ignore Christmas as much as possible. I just can't DO it anymore. Going into shops and getting blasted with yo ho ho songs does my head in.

I like the lights and seeing other peoples trees etc. I'm not a miserable old bag or anything.

I spent Christmas Day 2015 sitting by my partners hospital bed. New Year's Eve they told me the drugs weren't working. Three weeks later he died. So, not a good time of year for me, but there's f-all I can do about that.

And that just puts, my worries into perspective, my thoughts are with you.

 

[southstandandy]

Fortunately for us we don't get caught up in all the Christmas hype. The tree goes up next Monday for 1 week, we have a few drinks, some nice food, and avoid all the 'presents' crap that people feel compelled to buy for each other. Other than that I don't see why people get so worked up about it, unless you've previosuly lost someone close at this time of year, then I understand it can be challenging.

If you make it no more than a couple of family days with a bit of food and drink, then there's little or no stress. That would be my advice to those worrying about this time of year - it's only a couple of days, then life moves on. Don't bankrupt yourself for 'someone else's sake'.

 

[BLOCK F]

An excellent thread and I genuinely thank everyone for their contributions.
Reading through made me take a few minutes to reflect on my own circumstances and how much I have got to be grateful for, but at the same time, something that happened in my personal life over forty years ago, will always mean that Christmas is somewhat tinged with a degree of sadness and regret for me.
Anyway, I wish all and sundry have as good a Christmas as they are able, given everyone’s different and sometimes difficult circumstances.

 

[Fignon's Ponytail]

I always seem to struggle this time of year since losing my brother, mid-November 2012. Its a funk I dont seem to be able to get out of the last few weeks of every year...& new years eve is possibly even worse for me. Im in bed by 10pm on that night as I just cant face the "celebrations" these days, despite it being a special day for me and my wife as we got engaged on that date.

Christmas was never a massive thing at home when I was a kid tbh, but I married someone who absolutely loves it, and goes way over the top (IMO) inc. watching Christmas movies starting in the summer etc. I dont feel its shoved down my throat, but I could do without it starting so early really.

Weve been having daily deliveries for *at least* the last 6 weeks or so (99% that the missus has ordered), and that also stresses me out as I feel obliged to try and keep up with her, even though I cant really afford it. I know she will have bought a ton of presents, not only for me, but everyone else too.

I've never had much financially (& thankfully have never got into difficulties) but this situation fills me with dread each year because I dont want to feel like a scrooge if I've not got her as much as she gets me. She says it doesn't matter, but I know she would be gutted to have just a few small things to open. I honestly cant wait for it to all be over every year and get back to normal...

 

[pearl]

I always seem to struggle this time of year since losing my brother, mid-November 2012. Its a funk I dont seem to be able to get out of the last few weeks of every year...& new years eve is possibly even worse for me. Im in bed by 10pm on that night as I just cant face the "celebrations" these days, despite it being a special day for me and my wife as we got engaged on that date.

Christmas was never a massive thing at home when I was a kid tbh, but I married someone who absolutely loves it, and goes way over the top (IMO) inc. watching Christmas movies starting in the summer etc. I dont feel its shoved down my throat, but I could do without it starting so early really.

Weve been having daily deliveries for *at least* the last 6 weeks or so (99% that the missus has ordered), and that also stresses me out as I feel obliged to try and keep up with her, even though I cant really afford it. I know she will have bought a ton of presents, not only for me, but everyone else too.

I've never had much financially (& thankfully have never got into difficulties) but this situation fills me with dread each year because I dont want to feel like a scrooge if I've not got her as much as she gets me. She says it doesn't matter, but I know she would be gutted to have just a few small things to open. I honestly cant wait for it to all be over every year and get back to normal...

Goodness me ...... I feel for you. Not easy is it. Serious question, if you don't mind me asking ... how is your wife when Christmas is over? It must be such a come down

 

[pearl]

And that just puts, my worries into perspective, my thoughts are with you.

not at all. we all have different crosses to bear .... my thoughts are with you, best wishes

 

[Tom Hark Preston Park]

It's just one day. As a grown-up, the more you ignore it, the less you miss it. Stay in bed, get up on Boxing Day and embrace a full day of football fixtures and TUI summer holiday ads

 

[Fignon's Ponytail]

Goodness me ...... I feel for you. Not easy is it. Serious question, if you don't mind me asking ... how is your wife when Christmas is over? It must be such a come down

Shes fine tbh, as she starts mentally preparing for it again almost straight away!

 

[Weststander]

It seems like this year has been relentless in disappointment nearly all of it linked to covid unfortunately. Like you in the construction industry it has been full steam ahead and then some, issues with labour and stock throughout my sector and beyond no doubt, putting extra pressure to meet expectations and demands. Holidays cancelled and re booked and re cancelled, Schooling changes and restrictions, covering childcare, and just everyday activities we all took for granted before the pandemic have become a chore, blighted with restrictions and perceived dangers, coupled with last minute changes to your day, such as excuses made using covid as a an excuse and because of covid results, sadly many of us have lost people we know, and some we could not say goodbye too.

The little pleasures we oh so took for granted, seem to be so awkward now, should I go ? should I risk it ?
I was so looking forward to this Christmas, trip to America on, off, on, Father in law then tests positive two days ago, so off again.
The wife & daughter now moody, which now has me starting to feel depressed, today on the drive to work, I caught myself thinking can't live like this much longer, I do not want to do this anymore.
There seems little to look forward too, can't plan anything with any positivity.

I know some folk will say, ah just do it, book it, you can go away, I've done it, ah you have so much to look forward too...
But I have booked several holidays, none of them came to fruition, gigs booked all cancelled, Tottenham cancelled, Boxing day probably cancelled, all small problems yeah, but they are what I look forward too, they keep me going through the exasperating job, of dealing with floor layers and site managers, drop off, pick up, shopping, cleaning cat sick, etc etc & the darkness of winter.

Christmas and Birthdays I always get anxious and expect to be disappointed, probably has a lot to do with being in care at such a young age, and not having anyone there for you when those links are made. So I fully understand the pressure of the holiday period.
I don't want to sound like a party pooper, or not grateful for what I have, I am well aware there are people in worse situations...

Just...

Please stick around, you’re a huge asset round these parts, I love your very varied contributions.

It probably won’t help you, but even those of in seemingly normal families often had complex childhoods, as Larkin summarised:
“ “They **** you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you”.

You’re not alone.

Regarding holidays/travelling Covid has just screwed all my skiing dreams for this winter, again. Thought I’d be devastated but I’m getting tired of all the paperwork, onscreen requirements, risks of it going wrong and huge sums paid to testing providers.

So I’ve turned it on its head - far less stress, all the money saved, no airports and suitcases. Not getting stressed by the uncontrollables.

 

[pearl]

It's just one day. As a grown-up, the more you ignore it, the less you miss it. Stay in bed, get up on Boxing Day and embrace a full day of football fixtures and TUI summer holiday ads

I sat on the seafront reading a book one year .... got some puzzled looks, felt like I'd committed a crime or something

 

[jcdenton08]

Hope this is a "safe space" to share. I've been on antidepressants my whole life since 16, and a binge drinker, maybe once a week.

Really struggling right now with brain fog and concentration, which in turn is making me anxious, so I've been taking extra propanalol to calm it. Since being signed off work, I sleep around 15 hours a day. Very few things bring me any joy, maybe the Albion and food.

I keep walking into rooms and getting confused why I am there, or something like a shower feels like a marathon. I am only 35 FFS.

It has taken me about ten minutes just to type this as I keep having to re-read it

****ing fed up.

 

[Insel affe]

Hope this is a "safe space" to share. I've been on antidepressants my whole life since 16, and a binge drinker, maybe once a week.

Really struggling right now with brain fog and concentration, which in turn is making me anxious, so I've been taking extra propanalol to calm it. Since being signed off work, I sleep around 15 hours a day. Very few things bring me any joy, maybe the Albion and food.

I keep walking into rooms and getting confused why I am there, or something like a shower feels like a marathon. I am only 35 FFS.

It has taken me about ten minutes just to type this as I keep having to re-read it

****ing fed up.

Hang in there fella, speak to a friend if you can.
All the best

 

[Thunder Bolt]

Hope this is a "safe space" to share. I've been on antidepressants my whole life since 16, and a binge drinker, maybe once a week.

Really struggling right now with brain fog and concentration, which in turn is making me anxious, so I've been taking extra propanalol to calm it. Since being signed off work, I sleep around 15 hours a day. Very few things bring me any joy, maybe the Albion and food.

I keep walking into rooms and getting confused why I am there, or something like a shower feels like a marathon. I am only 35 FFS.

It has taken me about ten minutes just to type this as I keep having to re-read it

****ing fed up.

Maybe contact your GP to discuss your medication?

I rang the doctor myself today to ask if I can go back on sertraline (sp) as I’ve got a lot of anxieties which I can’t control.
We all need help from time to time.

 

[Happy Exile]

Strong emotional reaction here reading these. Everyone sharing - you're awesome. There will be people who won't be sharing but who'll be gaining strength from the fact that you have done so and that they know they aren't alone. Amazing how a forum of strangers can create such a connection, and I think that's what's important, the connection everyone has. Whatever else is going on and however alone you're feeling with life outside of this place that connection here remains, you're valued and appreciated and heard and recognised for what you're going through and everything else you contribute. There's no shame in admitting to struggling or to vulnerability or to asking for help or support. Hang in there.

 

[LamieRobertson]

Hope this is a "safe space" to share. I've been on antidepressants my whole life since 16, and a binge drinker, maybe once a week.

Really struggling right now with brain fog and concentration, which in turn is making me anxious, so I've been taking extra propanalol to calm it. Since being signed off work, I sleep around 15 hours a day. Very few things bring me any joy, maybe the Albion and food.

I keep walking into rooms and getting confused why I am there, or something like a shower feels like a marathon. I am only 35 FFS.

It has taken me about ten minutes just to type this as I keep having to re-read it

****ing fed up.

This is exactly the right place on NSC to share what you are going through …as TB has said maybe a return to your doctor and don’t hold back on how u r feeling…anxiety is probably making u so tired….I’m not in your shoes (and note lack of energy) but when I had my own ‘crisis’ many years ago I found exercise a great help….that doesn’t necessarily mean running a marathon etc…but just getting out along the seafront or countryside to lift your spirits so that life doesn’t completely close in….when I couldn’t do this I used a second hand exercise bike at home..it’s not a full soloution..for me it was part of the jigsaw to better mental health …wish you all the best …don’t hesitate to seek help

 

[Wrong-Direction]

I'm looking forward to a week off, absolutely shattered!

Sent from my SM-A326B using Tapatalk

 

[DJ NOBO]

Hope this is a "safe space" to share. I've been on antidepressants my whole life since 16, and a binge drinker, maybe once a week.

Really struggling right now with brain fog and concentration, which in turn is making me anxious, so I've been taking extra propanalol to calm it. Since being signed off work, I sleep around 15 hours a day. Very few things bring me any joy, maybe the Albion and food.

I keep walking into rooms and getting confused why I am there, or something like a shower feels like a marathon. I am only 35 FFS.

It has taken me about ten minutes just to type this as I keep having to re-read it

****ing fed up.

Every person’s set of circumstances are unique but many many people on this site have been through dark times. So it’s a great place to share, and it is anonymous.
Hopefully writing your above post can be the start of a process that will lead to better times.
Fwiw I think Lamie’s advice about exercise is an excellent one.
So Tomorrow - try walking 5,000 steps (there’ll be a counter on your phone). Up it a thousand every day until you get to 10k. No headphones, no music. Listen to the natural sound. Good luck JC

 

[MJsGhost]

Hope this is a "safe space" to share. I've been on antidepressants my whole life since 16, and a binge drinker, maybe once a week.

Really struggling right now with brain fog and concentration, which in turn is making me anxious, so I've been taking extra propanalol to calm it. Since being signed off work, I sleep around 15 hours a day. Very few things bring me any joy, maybe the Albion and food.

I keep walking into rooms and getting confused why I am there, or something like a shower feels like a marathon. I am only 35 FFS.

It has taken me about ten minutes just to type this as I keep having to re-read it

****ing fed up.

It absolutely is.

One of the things that keep me coming back to NSC is the existence of threads such as this, with the genuine messages of support from strangers, bound by a common interest.

I find it helps to read about others' struggles - not to take pleasure through schadenfreude, but to see beneath the veneer which many people carefully fix across the reality of their lives. I too am guilty of this and very rarely share my troubles and never the occasional darker thoughts that fleetingly appear.

When everyone's lot seems so great, it's easy to feel worse about one's own situation. I feel it can sometimes prevent understanding of their views, opinions and actions (before you judge a man*, walk a mile in his shoes & all that).

I try to remember that we all have our struggles, no matter what things look like from the outside and I therefore feel less alone with my own challenges.

I try to get things off my chest more these days, which bizarrely comes more easily with people I know less. I guess it's more containable and suggests I worry about people feeling less of me if they know what's bothering me - for example, my family know me as the strong, sensible, successful one and I don't wish to disappoint them. Sharing helps though, so if you're anything like me and found your post cathartic, you should maybe keep posting on and reading this thread (and others on here relating to mental health). It also might work better for you to seek out someone you know well to confide in and/or keep up the conversations with your GP (or change GP / get referred to a specialist if your GP isn't knowledgeable and/or supportive). We are all different after all, as much as we are the same.

You are certainly not alone in your struggles - thank you for sharing.







*other genders are available

 

[Cheshire Cat]

I'm trying to ignore the whole thing. For reasons unconnected to covid I can't travel to see family, and I have never liked the consumption orgy anyway.

So no decorations, no cards, no presents, and no special dinner. It will be like a normal weekend, albeit a bit more tedious than usual.

Humbug.

 

[Weststander]

Hope this is a "safe space" to share. I've been on antidepressants my whole life since 16, and a binge drinker, maybe once a week.

Really struggling right now with brain fog and concentration, which in turn is making me anxious, so I've been taking extra propanalol to calm it. Since being signed off work, I sleep around 15 hours a day. Very few things bring me any joy, maybe the Albion and food.

I keep walking into rooms and getting confused why I am there, or something like a shower feels like a marathon. I am only 35 FFS.

It has taken me about ten minutes just to type this as I keep having to re-read it

****ing fed up.

You took the right steps when you were 16. Many don’t.

My suggestions would be, other than seeing your GP, to seek a talking therapy. Also, especially this time of year, to get some fresh air most days, get walking or cycling.

You’re not alone. Sometimes it helps to know that, rather than unrealistic thinking that everyone else’s lives are good.

You can change things, with help.