[Misc] Christmas and mental health...the annual thread

[Harry Wilson's tackle]

Coming home from the pub last night, I had the urge to shout 'F*ck Christmas, it's all a scam', after the build up of dread, anger and dark thoughts of the last week, but remembered that people would recognise my voice.

Going to the fishmongers at the Open Market this morning sorted me out. First, the dad of the family that run it has recently died but they were busy as fcuk serving their customers and are doing a wake and inviting customers to remember him. Then I got a message from the daughter of a friend of my mum's saying her mum had just died. These two things kind of jolted me out of it a bit. There are lots of families having a worse time than me and I should be thankful for what I've got (though Christmas is still a scam! ).

Winterlude.
Burn some stuff to stay warm when it is coldest
Be kind to the olds and the poor.
Eat.

What's not to like?

I started to properly enjoy Christmas when I accepted that it isn't all about me.

 

[portslade seagull]

1st Christmas since my dad passed in September. Will seem odd but will keep mum company as after 65yrs marriage she's a little down

 

[Justice]

Pissed me off this week my usual pull into the supermarket select meal deal then straight out again has been a f***ing disaster with all these twats blocking the car park entrance in a rush for what to buy a cut of meat that isn’t even particularly tasty and overpriced.
If it was that nice they would stock Turkeys all year round.

 

[essbee1]

Coming home from the pub last night, I had the urge to shout 'F*ck Christmas, it's all a scam', after the build up of dread, anger and dark thoughts of the last week, but remembered that people would recognise my voice.

Going to the fishmongers at the Open Market this morning sorted me out. First, the dad of the family that run it has recently died but they were busy as fcuk serving their customers and are doing a wake and inviting customers to remember him. Then I got a message from the daughter of a friend of my mum's saying her mum had just died. These two things kind of jolted me out of it a bit. There are lots of families having a worse time than me and I should be thankful for what I've got (though Christmas is still a scam! ).

I went to my local greengrocers this morning. Lovely bloke and always have a chat. He's one of those people for whom quality of his fruit and veg matters A LOT. Anyway, got talking about his Mum and Dad who had passed away, as had my Dad. He was going to visit them in the graveyard on Boxing Day. I visited my Dad's grave in South Wales a couple of weeks ago. Life goes on and we have the memories. We feel sad, but that's not what they would want.

 

[Eeyore]

Coming home from the pub last night, I had the urge to shout 'F*ck Christmas, it's all a scam', after the build up of dread, anger and dark thoughts of the last week, but remembered that people would recognise my voice.

Going to the fishmongers at the Open Market this morning sorted me out. First, the dad of the family that run it has recently died but they were busy as fcuk serving their customers and are doing a wake and inviting customers to remember him. Then I got a message from the daughter of a friend of my mum's saying her mum had just died. These two things kind of jolted me out of it a bit. There are lots of families having a worse time than me and I should be thankful for what I've got (though Christmas is still a scam! ).

That's an interesting point that should be explored.

After my brother passed away in 2022, I spiraled into a deep depression for a couple of days. I made more than one call to a Samaritans type line that is linked through my work. I was in a state. On the Thursday morning the Test match started and it was the day where they raise money for the Ruth Strauss Foundation for bereaved families. As you'd expect, there were heart breaking stories of family loss. I immediately picked up the phone and texted a donation, having a two way conversation with myself about how my own grief was incomparable to that of many others. My depressive state disappeared and never returned. I just saw a different perspective. And that's what has got me through the feeling of marking time at the end of life.

I know grief is a powerful thing that cannot be by-passed or belittled. Same with depression and anxiety. But I have realised how perspective needs to be the headline act of response. I've mostly mastered it with the first two, although the last one is still taking time. One thing I won't be relying on is a home win over Brentford...

 

[Bry Nylon]

A lot of what gets said here resonates. Christmas is a strange time. My situation is that I'm in my 50s, divorced, live alone, no offspring. I have no immediate family left after my brother passed away a couple of years back. Add to that, see mental health thread, an anxiety disorder which erodes social contact. All very maudlin. But... and there is a huge but...

Up until 2018, there hadn't been a single Christmas Day, apart from when I was in Australia in 1995, when I hadn't spent the day with both or, latterly, one parent in 47 years. So that made it difficult. For the past two years my ex has come round, but I can't cope with the intensity. The best Christmas Day of recent times was in 2019. I spent it alone. Sort of. You see I had planned to do so and will be doing again this year. Not by depressive default, but actual desire. In the morning I'll go to the cemetery and lay flowers, as is the new tradition. In the afternoon I do my Christmas Day walk around the area. Dr Who, Wallace and Gromitt. Christmas Day dinner is actually salmon.

In 2019 I went to cook my dinner and my thoughts took me to an old lady downstairs who was disabled and on her own. A long time local like me. I called her and brought her up to my flat to give her dinner. It made her year and made me really happy. We spent a couple of hours nattering about old times. It wasn't a great magnanimous act, because it took no effort. I realised then that Christmas is really what I choose to make it and I should suffer no impositions.

Of course, Boxing Day is easy. It goes too fast. I prefer it to the 25th as it's, as folk know well, sport all day. Starting with Boxing Day Test in Melbourne.

The idea that Christmas should be the hardest time for those who suffer loss I feel is a myth we are forced to cloak ourselves in. It is certainly very hard to adapt to at first, but, given time, probably easier to navigate than we expect. It really does start by recreating Christmas in the image that you want it rather than how you feel it should be. But, as I said, I'm not unwise and am extremely sympathetic to the feelings of recent loss. I've been there. 2019 was born out of a very difficult 2018.

Whatever folk are doing, I want to wish them the best from my heart. And If you are out for a walk around Queen's Park area, I'll be the bloke in the fedora taking odd pictures of trees and lamp posts. I have a Christmas Day annual collection. Unfortunately there are no buses though. I have a collection of those. But you'd probably expect that of me. It's the little things that take the biggest place in the heart.

Epic post from one of my favourite posters.

Merry Christmas @Eeyore , Merry Christmas

 

[Norman Potting]

Merry Christmas to you all! If you are in the Eastbourne area I commend to you the Christmas Silver Band Concert on the seafront bandstand. I think this will be our 4th year attending and it is a jolly time.

 

[Paulie Gualtieri]

Yes, very much so, our neighbour lost their husband, just a few weeks ago. Not sure what she is doing this Christmas, we would like to invite her around, but fear it's way to early, she may just want to grieve. I know I don't like over the top sympathy initially, but can handle it better later. I think we are all very different.

Always a difficult one to judge when grief is involved.

You could always pop over there and spend a shorter period of time with her, thus giving her some company and an offer should she wish to come over later, but equally the option of time and space.

Nice that you are thinking of her at this time

 

[pearl]

A lot of what gets said here resonates. Christmas is a strange time. My situation is that I'm in my 50s, divorced, live alone, no offspring. I have no immediate family left after my brother passed away a couple of years back. Add to that, see mental health thread, an anxiety disorder which erodes social contact. All very maudlin. But... and there is a huge but...

Up until 2018, there hadn't been a single Christmas Day, apart from when I was in Australia in 1995, when I hadn't spent the day with both or, latterly, one parent in 47 years. So that made it difficult. For the past two years my ex has come round, but I can't cope with the intensity. The best Christmas Day of recent times was in 2019. I spent it alone. Sort of. You see I had planned to do so and will be doing again this year. Not by depressive default, but actual desire. In the morning I'll go to the cemetery and lay flowers, as is the new tradition. In the afternoon I do my Christmas Day walk around the area. Dr Who, Wallace and Gromitt. Christmas Day dinner is actually salmon.

In 2019 I went to cook my dinner and my thoughts took me to an old lady downstairs who was disabled and on her own. A long time local like me. I called her and brought her up to my flat to give her dinner. It made her year and made me really happy. We spent a couple of hours nattering about old times. It wasn't a great magnanimous act, because it took no effort. I realised then that Christmas is really what I choose to make it and I should suffer no impositions.

Of course, Boxing Day is easy. It goes too fast. I prefer it to the 25th as it's, as folk know well, sport all day. Starting with Boxing Day Test in Melbourne.

The idea that Christmas should be the hardest time for those who suffer loss I feel is a myth we are forced to cloak ourselves in. It is certainly very hard to adapt to at first, but, given time, probably easier to navigate than we expect. It really does start by recreating Christmas in the image that you want it rather than how you feel it should be. But, as I said, I'm not unwise and am extremely sympathetic to the feelings of recent loss. I've been there. 2019 was born out of a very difficult 2018.

Whatever folk are doing, I want to wish them the best from my heart. And If you are out for a walk around Queen's Park area, I'll be the bloke in the fedora taking odd pictures of trees and lamp posts. I have a Christmas Day annual collection. Unfortunately there are no buses though. I have a collection of those. But you'd probably expect that of me. It's the little things that take the biggest place in the heart

Wow! Thank you for posting that. It will help me get through the day x

 

[Cheeky Monkey]

We do our Xmas on the 24th, which all went smoothly yesterday, first one since my dad passed, we raised a toast at the beginning of the meal and that was that, a salutary lesson in not marrying or staying with the wrong partner, my mum only realised this after his passing and 5 plus decades of being with him, and is now, finally back living her best life, one not seen since she was in her 20s.

Happy yuletide to all, and especially those MH sufferers on here, of which I am 100% one.

 

[Professor Plum]

Pissed me off this week my usual pull into the supermarket select meal deal then straight out again has been a f***ing disaster with all these twats blocking the car park entrance in a rush for what to buy a cut of meat that isn’t even particularly tasty and overpriced.
If it was that nice they would stock Turkeys all year round.

Happy Christmas.

 

[Professor Plum]

Merry Christmas to you all! If you are in the Eastbourne area I commend to you the Christmas Silver Band Concert on the seafront bandstand. I think this will be our 4th year attending and it is a jolly time.

We’re away this year but I did notice that advertised. Will attend next year if we’re around.

 

[Weststander]

To anyone suffering, take care, take it easy. It may not seem so now but there are always things to look forward to, to enjoy. Hopefully 2025 will be kind to you.

 

[Justice]

Happy Christmas.

f*** off

 

[LamieRobertson]

That's an interesting point that should be explored.

After my brother passed away in 2022, I spiraled into a deep depression for a couple of days. I made more than one call to a Samaritans type line that is linked through my work. I was in a state. On the Thursday morning the Test match started and it was the day where they raise money for the Ruth Strauss Foundation for bereaved families. As you'd expect, there were heart breaking stories of family loss. I immediately picked up the phone and texted a donation, having a two way conversation with myself about how my own grief was incomparable to that of many others. My depressive state disappeared and never returned. I just saw a different perspective. And that's what has got me through the feeling of marking time at the end of life.

I know grief is a powerful thing that cannot be by-passed or belittled. Same with depression and anxiety. But I have realised how perspective needs to be the headline act of response. I've mostly mastered it with the first two, although the last one is still taking time. One thing I won't be relying on is a home win over Brentford...

Very sensible!

enjoy your day….i’ll go from visiting my parents grave for a quick chat (it’s a focal point)…..to spending precious time with ‘ex’ (she lost a sister recently)..son…daughter/husband and grandkids (responsible for my sanity).

 

[happypig]

I wouldn't say I'm struggling, mentally, but I'm a bit down; I always hate winter and, when I retired in 2019, I had hoped to move to Southern Spain and live there (keeping a bolt-hole here as well). I always thought Mrs H was on board with the idea but it turned out she wanted to stay here "in case we get any grandchildren". I wasn't going to leave her and go alone, so here we are and here we stay but, as I said, I f***ing hate the winter, the cold, the rain, the relentless poxy drizzle.

 

[Weststander]

I wouldn't say I'm struggling, mentally, but I'm a bit down; I always hate winter and, when I retired in 2019, I had hoped to move to Southern Spain and live there (keeping a bolt-hole here as well). I always thought Mrs H was on board with the idea but it turned out she wanted to stay here "in case we get any grandchildren". I wasn't going to leave her and go alone, so here we are and here we stay but, as I said, I f***ing hate the winter, the cold, the rain, the relentless poxy drizzle.

Sorry to hear that. An obvious compromise is a couple of longer stay hols in Spanish hotels to break up each winter. My parents did this to solve my Dad’s dislike of these months, I know a lot of Germans and Scandi’s do it too.

 

[Justice]

I wouldn't say I'm struggling, mentally, but I'm a bit down; I always hate winter and, when I retired in 2019, I had hoped to move to Southern Spain and live there (keeping a bolt-hole here as well). I always thought Mrs H was on board with the idea but it turned out she wanted to stay here "in case we get any grandchildren". I wasn't going to leave her and go alone, so here we are and here we stay but, as I said, I f***ing hate the winter, the cold, the rain, the relentless poxy drizzle.

I’m with you on that a nice peaceful Greek Island would do me, my dream once was to live on a Greek island which I did for a few years about 30 years ago and take tourists around on a boat to the many secret beaches and coves tourists always never see. Do a few properties up in winter to keep busy.
What a life that would have been.

 

[Justice]

Sorry to hear that. An obvious compromise is a couple of longer stay hols in Spanish hotels to break up each winter. My parents did this to solve my Dad’s dislike of these months, I know a lot of Germans and Scandi’s do it too.

Hotels are never that same really. Not to be a tourist is something totally different in my experience.