[Help] Caught masterbating by the missus

[BluesRockDJ]

Bating your master, or mastUrbating ?

 

[Pevenseagull]

Medical reasons

https://www.cancerhealth.com/article/frequent-ejaculation-protects-men-prostate-cancer

 

[TheJasperCo]

Tell her you're trying different forms of birth control.

 

[albionfan37]

If she’d given more bj’s there wouldn’t be a problem

 

[Jack Straw]

This is a 100% true story, and I sincerely hope nobody knows this guy...

My "first love" regaled me this tale... (she was 24, I was 19 - and we ended up together for 5 years) and was married before I met her. Her husband at the time was deaf, with hearing aids in both ears (the big 1990's pink chunky ones).

She was going out that night (to the 'Roxy' on Eastbourne Pier) and ordered a Taxi from their home into town. The taxi duly arrived, the doorbell dinged, she got into the cab, and off she went. Her ex, when alone, used to take his hearing aids out as they were pretty uncomfortable back then due to the size and weight. It must have been quite a relief to be fair...

She got a half way into the journey and she realised she'd left her purse at home, so asked the cabbie to do a u-turn and pop back to the house - which he duly did.

She jumped out of the cab, unlocked the front door, shouted his name and that she'd forgotten her purse and had come back for it. Nothing. Silence.

So, she looked into the lounge - only to find him with both hearing aids out, mucky video playing on the VHS, thrashing one out like man possessed, legs in the air, tissues flying, sweat beads all over the walls - you name it...

She slowly and carefully closed the door, left the house, got back into the cab, and carried on with her evening.

He still doesn't know to this day...

Fair play to her, I say.

*For the record he was actually quite a nice bloke and didn't fit the narrative of his actions.

I thought it made you blind. Not deaf?

 

[Baker lite]

so, erm, a friend of mine was caught doing you know what

Wondered if anyone else were ever in that predicament? He didn't have good reasons when confronted, because of the panic trying to hide everything so obvious was lying.

Any good advice on how how to patch things up as she's quite upset?

Asking for a friend?


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[dadams2k11]

My better half is fine with it, keeps me off her back, literally [emoji3]

 

[pure_white]

Any visiting fans must be having a right laugh at this thread

 

[Blue3]

so, erm, a friend of mine was caught doing you know what

Wondered if anyone else were ever in that predicament? He didn't have good reasons when confronted, because of the panic trying to hide everything so obvious was lying.

Any good advice on how how to patch things up as she's quite upset?

Can I clarify who was your mate masterbating himself or someone else as I am sure it would matter to your mates wife?

 

[Deleted member 2719]

A friend of mine was working in Chapel rd, worthing and looked out of her office window, to see a scaffolder in a van with his pole in his hand. He had erected this within the van, and was stopped at a crossing while young ladies crossed the road.
She was a broad minded friend but she couldn't see past the old ladies that could have spotted him. She reported this to the police, where they went around and embarrassed the feck out of him in front of his girlfriend. Whatever happened to their relationship we never knew.

Unless anyone knows on here......was it you Late 80's early 90's.

The guy in our circle or friends was always know as the Worthing wa**er.

 

[Albion my Albion]

Was it Billy Connolly who said if you get caught ******* it is imperative that the first thing you do is shout ‘thank God you are here’

"Yes, I was thinking about you and since you seemed preoccupied with doing so much for me I had to work out the condition caused by thinking of you on my own,"

 

[Doonhamer7]

If he’s the right age just quote Billy Connolly, “once you reach 50, always use the toilet if offered, never trust a fart, and always use an erection even if on your own”

 

[Cheshire Cat]

Just practising?

 

[BadFish]

so, erm, a friend of mine was caught doing you know what

Wondered if anyone else were ever in that predicament? He didn't have good reasons when confronted, because of the panic trying to hide everything so obvious was lying.

Any good advice on how how to patch things up as she's quite upset?

Hood, leather chaps, nipple clamps . . . ?

 

[The Clamp]

Hood, leather chaps, nipple clamps . . . ?

Not guilty your honour.

 

[AmexRuislip]

Appropriate user name.

If it was your friend’s user name, obvs.

I bet your guess was a shot in the dark

 

[Bladders]

The missus ***** more than me

No problem here with double standards


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[Deleted member 2719]

The missus ***** more than me

No problem here with double standards


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[Winker]

Just tell her you're gay and prefer a mans hand, I'm sure she'll understand.

 

[The Clamp]

Tell her to go and boil you an egg.