An interesting and absolutely central conversation going on here.
For me, the issue is finding the appropriate level for decisions to be made.
For example, I would like my parish council to have more power so that I, as a villager, could have more influence over - say - planning decisions. At a level above, the responsibilities of district, county or unitary authorities needs looking at so that local people are more likely to participate in their processes.
Other decisions, involving things such as education, defence and social policy perhaps, are properly made in Westminster, Edinburgh, Cardiff or Stormont.
As the decision-making level rises, so the influence of the individual voter inevitably reduces. That’s a given - as a village parishioner I am obviously able to influence things more than I am as an English voter. (That would still be true even if we had a half-decent national voting system.)
People do not generally worry about this. Remainers and Leavers alike accept it.
Where the division happens is when we go beyond Westminster. Remainers are generally relaxed that the straight line described above continues - that policies affecting a group of like-minded and friendly nations are made at a level beyond. Naturally the level of individual influence continues to reduce, but only in the same way as it has since we left the parish council offices behind. There is no change of principle.
Leavers, on the other hand, become concerned when that final level is reached. They are relaxed as the process of increasing power and reducing influence rises from village and ward to town and city and onwards to the streets of London, but become alarmed at the last stage in the continuum.
They think it is different. As a Remainer I don’t think it is, apart from the fact that our neighbours are involved. I have no problem with that. Leavers do. That is one big difference between us.
A great unbiased post. To add to it, UK national policy of the last couple of decades has been to devolve more power downwards - closer to the voters. Hence elected mayors and devolved national governments for Wales, NI and Scotland - it gives voters more power and helps exclude the more extreme elements. The EU on the other hand have always been for travelling in the other direction - more centralisation and control. With the USA as the exception, most centralisation comes under intense pressure to hand down more powers - examples include Spain, France, many countries in Eastern Europe and of course the USSR.