Best Chat Up Lines

[Pevenseagull]

In a pub


I'm just going for a shit, got £2 for the machine?

 

[Kent Seagull]

It's been posted on here many times but the old favorite "you don't sweat much for a fat bird" always makes me chuckle.

 

[The Timekeeper]

I may not be Fred Flinstone..... But I'll make your Bedrock!!

 

[zefarelly]

I used a good quality, old fashioned NSC thread to woo my fine wife.

sure beats staggering of with a munter, legless at 2:30 am from a sketchy nite club

 

[Gully]

...which one zef, it wasn't the classic about how to stop a cat shitting in your front garden...

 

[Goodfella]

Let's play war, I'll lay down and you blow the f*** out of me!

 

[Goodfella]

Okay, so I came over here to ask you to dance, but I'm kind of concerned. I mean, we could hit it off really well, end up having a few drinks, next thing you know you're giving me your number because I'm too shy to ask for it, I finally get up the nerve to call and we take in a movie, have some dinner, I relax, you relax, we go out a few more times, get to know each other's friends, spend a lot of time together, then finally have get past this sexual tension and really develop this intense sex life that is truly incredible, decide our relationship is solid and stable, so we move in together for a while, then a few months later get married, I get a promotion, you get a promotion, we buy a bigger house. You really want kids, but I really want freedom, but we have a kid anyway, only to find that I am resentful, the sparks start to fade and to rekindle them we have two more lovely kids, but now I work too much to keep up with the bills, have no time for you, you're stressed and stop taking really good care of yourself, so to get past our slow sex life and my declining self-confidence I turn to an outside affair for sexual gratification. You find out because I'm careless and a lousy liar, you throw me out (justifiably so) and we have to explain to the kids why mummy and daddy are splitting up. That's just too sad. Think about the children. For God's sake, if you dance with me and we hit it off, let's just keep it sexual, because we both know where it's going.

 

[Shropshire Seagull]

Boy: "I've got this special watch - see"
Girl: "What's so special about it?"
Boy: "Well, it can tell me things about you"
Girl: "Like what?"
Boy: "Like you haven't got any knickers on"
Girl: "But I have!"
Boy: "Ah, yes, it's an hour fast"





i.e. he'll be getting them off shortly
**taxi !

 

[Blackadder]

And if she turns you down!

"Don't be fussy Love, I wasn't!"

 

[Muhammad - I’m hard - Bruce Lee]

you are lovely, if i buy you a drink..........will you come home and shit on my mums roses

 

[pasty]

I've heard you're like a toilet roll......easy to pull.

 

[tedebear]

I used a good quality, old fashioned NSC thread to woo my fine wife.

sure beats staggering of with a munter, legless at 2:30 am from a sketchy nite club

Goodness I'm better than staggering off with a munter - high paise indeed!!

 

[Gully]

Shropshire, I don't usually rely on chat up lines, far too cheesy, but next time I get a chance I will be using that one...

 

[Race]

Put your crash helmet on - You're going through the headboard

Words fail me!

 

[Norman Baker suck my lozenge]

"hows your arse for cracking wallnuts"
never failed down busbys,many a fine filly has experianced the triple S after hearing that one, happy days.

 

[London Calling]

Boy: "I've got this special watch - see"
Girl: "What's so special about it?"
Boy: "Well, it can tell me things about you"
Girl: "Like what?"
Boy: "Like you haven't got any knickers on"
Girl: "But I have!"
Boy: "Ah, yes, it's an hour fast"





i.e. he'll be getting them off shortly
**taxi !

Isn't that a James Bond one delivered by Connery?

 

[only1robbiereinalt]

my mate asked a girl if she wanted to go back to his once...he said 'do u wna come back 2 mine' she said "sorry i only go wiv boys with 12 inch penis' and he says "wel im not cutting mine in half for any1" that had me laughing for about 10 minutes!!

also..

"is your dad a criminal" (pray they say "no, why?") because som1s stolen the stars from the sky and put them in your eyes"

 

[Biscuit]

I may not be the best looking guy here, but I'm the only one talking to you.

let the know where they stand from the outset women love all that.

Same league as the old classic "You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away."

You look like a hooker I knew in Fresno.


· You're ugly but you intrigue me.


· Hey baby...infect me!

 

[Kinky Gerbil]

I may not be the best looking guy here, but I'm the only one talking to you.

let the know where they stand from the outset women love all that.

Same league as the old classic "You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away."

You look like a hooker I knew in Fresno.


· You're ugly but you intrigue me.


· Hey baby...infect me!

They worked on me

 

[smudge]

"hows your arse for cracking wallnuts"
never failed down busbys,many a fine filly has experianced the triple S after hearing that one, happy days.

I'll try that when I get home Stubbsy. Or the old favourite,

This face leaves in 5 minutes....be on it!