Bell Cheeses at work

[dazzer6666]

....she's just rocked up with a large bag of crisps. It's OK though, because she also has a huge smoothie which is apparently part of her '5 a day'

I think she meant 'part of her 5....thousand calories....a day'


Sent from my E5823 using Tapatalk

 

[hans kraay fan club]

Timely bounce of this thread.

In addition to Noise Machine's favourite Scottish accent ("A-burr-deeeeen") she has now expanded her repertoire.

Finance department at Head Office have lamentably added an ITALIAN chap to their team. Machine FLIRTS with him on the phone, then ends EVERY one of her (approximately four daily) conversations with him, with "CIAO", and then giggles something to Crisps. Then follows a little sketch of pidgin Italian between the two of them.

Machine has also (after five snort-free years) developed a new SNORTING laugh.

Kill me.

 

[Badger]

Timely bounce of this thread.

In addition to Noise Machine's favourite Scottish accent ("A-burr-deeeeen") she has now expanded her repertoire.

Finance department at Head Office have lamentably added an ITALIAN chap to their team. Machine FLIRTS with him on the phone, then ends EVERY one of her (approximately four daily) conversations with him, with "CIAO", and then giggles something to Crisps. Then follows a little sketch of pidgin Italian between the two of them.

Machine has also (after five snort-free years) developed a new SNORTING laugh.

Kill me.

I will never get tired of hearing about Crisps and Machine. I feel like they could star in a weekly cartoon strip.


Meanwhile, we've got a new Receptionist/HR woman as the previous useless one got poached by another company (seriously, who poaches a receptionist?) The new woman is actually quite good at her job, which is quite refreshing. However, I made the foolish mistake of introducing myself to her and now know everything about her previous job and how she's really struggling to find an affordable apartment close to the office. All I'd said was "Hello, nice to meet you."

 

[hans kraay fan club]

I will never get tired of hearing about Crisps and Machine.

I by contrast, am exceeding tired of them

Meanwhile, we've got a new Receptionist/HR woman as the previous useless one got poached by another company (seriously, who poaches a receptionist?) The new woman is actually quite good at her job, which is quite refreshing. However, I made the foolish mistake of introducing myself to her and now know everything about her previous job and how she's really struggling to find an affordable apartment close to the office. All I'd said was "Hello, nice to meet you."

Sounds like she wants to meet little Badger, to me.

Is she FIT?

 

[pearl]

Timely bounce of this thread.

In addition to Noise Machine's favourite Scottish accent ("A-burr-deeeeen") she has now expanded her repertoire.

Finance department at Head Office have lamentably added an ITALIAN chap to their team. Machine FLIRTS with him on the phone, then ends EVERY one of her (approximately four daily) conversations with him, with "CIAO", and then giggles something to Crisps. Then follows a little sketch of pidgin Italian between the two of them.

Machine has also (after five snort-free years) developed a new SNORTING laugh.

Kill me.

BRILLIANT!!!!!!!!

 

[pearl]

....she's just rocked up with a large bag of crisps. It's OK though, because she also has a huge smoothie which is apparently part of her '5 a day'

I think she meant 'part of her 5....thousand calories....a day'


Sent from my E5823 using Tapatalk

crisps count as one of her 5 day too shirley?

 

[Easy 10]

The IT bloke is down from London today. I know him fairly well as he used to work in this office, but can’t deny I wasn’t relieved when he was moved on to head office, and today has reminded me EXACTLY why.

First thing he did when he walked in was to slope over to my desk and ENTHRALL me with details of his off-peak train journey here this morning, what time he caught the train, how he went the other way through a barrier somewhere in order to catch an earlier one than he was supposed to (or something), and how much he saved. I mean what reaction is he EXPECTING from that ? I nodded, said “oh right”, and got back to my tip-tap.

Within all of 10 minutes he’s over again, telling me how he’s got some piece of software now that recovers a Windows laptop when you’ve forgotten the password. He explained how it works to me, but I swear by this point I was counting the ceiling tiles behind his head, and idly wandering if this is how it feels when you sit in your garage, with a hosepipe from the exhaust, and slip quietly away into oblivion. His mouth was moving, but all I could hear was a kind of muffled “mmaw maw maaw m-maaw…maw”. I think I may have passed out through boredom, because when I came round, mercifully he was gone. I’ve not seen him since.

Pray for me.

 

[TWOCHOICEStom]

I went down to my old office in Brighton today (usually work in London). I decided to make idle chit chat with the guy that nobody ever talks to (or Smelly George as he's better known as in the office.)

Me and some friends had just been skiing in the alps and loved it. I felt so sorry for Boring Brian that I bloody invited him to join us on our next trip in November! This time we're going off-piste. Lonesome Larry could barely be bothered to even act like he was listening.

Later in the day though, divvy bollocks couldn't log into his computer because he'd forgotten his username AND password. I spent 4 hours writing and installing some custom software for him to get him back on track... not so much as a thank you.

It's ok though. I shat in his drawer before I left.

 

[Badger]

Sounds like she wants to meet little Badger, to me.

Is she FIT?

I don't think I'm special. I've overheard her having the same conversation to at least 2 other people.

No. An improvement on the previous woman, but that really isn't saying anything. My boss says he bumped into her outside the office once, and confirmed she is just as robotic and void of any personality when she's not at work.

 

[anygivensunday]

The IT bloke is down from London today. I know him fairly well as he used to work in this office, but can’t deny I wasn’t relieved when he was moved on to head office, and today has reminded me EXACTLY why.

First thing he did when he walked in was to slope over to my desk and ENTHRALL me with details of his off-peak train journey here this morning, what time he caught the train, how he went the other way through a barrier somewhere in order to catch an earlier one than he was supposed to (or something), and how much he saved. I mean what reaction is he EXPECTING from that ? I nodded, said “oh right”, and got back to my tip-tap.

Within all of 10 minutes he’s over again, telling me how he’s got some piece of software now that recovers a Windows laptop when you’ve forgotten the password. He explained how it works to me, but I swear by this point I was counting the ceiling tiles behind his head, and idly wandering if this is how it feels when you sit in your garage, with a hosepipe from the exhaust, and slip quietly away into oblivion. His mouth was moving, but all I could hear was a kind of muffled “mmaw maw maaw m-maaw…maw”. I think I may have passed out through boredom, because when I came round, mercifully he was gone. I’ve not seen him since.

Pray for me.

IT guys always remind me of this.

 

[Springal]

I work for a global company that was acquired last year, but the new owners are divesting a lot of it up into bits and selling off separately. So you can imagine what moral is like.

ANYWAY, turns out a load of redundancies were needed, including the entire HR team at the end of it. Seeing what was coming the entire HR team has left before doing any of the redundancies and it is bedlam. Also been so poorly managed with leaked lists etc that anyone that is being made redundant is being offered minimum of 6 months full pay. I'm just gutted there is no voluntary to be honest as I've been told I'm safe!

 

[spring hall convert]

My last day in the office before redundancy and a nice long summer break. I expect I'll view the frequent bumping of this thread in an entirely different way.

 

[Munkfish]

My last day in the office before redundancy and a nice long summer break. I expect I'll view the frequent bumping of this thread in an entirely different way.

I started a new Job Yesterday after a year off after taking Redundency, enjoy! So far so good in the new Office though, so I will continue to lurk here until such time.

 

[dazzer6666]

I started a new Job Yesterday after a year off after taking Redundency, enjoy! So far so good in the new Office though, so I will continue to lurk here until such time.

If you can't spot the bellcheese..........[emoji23][emoji23][emoji23][emoji23][emoji23][emoji23]

 

[Munkfish]

If you can't spot the bellcheese..........[emoji23][emoji23][emoji23][emoji23][emoji23][emoji23]

Valid point, Maybe it will be me, however I would say I'm fairly inaffensive in a sterile work enviroment.

 

[Templeton Peck]

I'm job hunting at the moment after my 3yr fixed contract came to an end (I worked from home)... This thread is putting me right off!

 

[Uncle Buck]

Just appeared to all in the company from somebody here;

I would appreciate it if the person (s) who has “borrowed” the tub of margarine from the downstairs fridge, please put it back or replace it.

If you have binned it because you’re concerned about expiry dates, thanks but don’t have to do that, so you need to own up…..or if you’re too chicken to do that, just replace it.

It was not yours, it had my name on it.

 

[Simster]

Just appeared to all in the company from somebody here;

I would appreciate it if the person (s) who has “borrowed” the tub of margarine from the downstairs fridge, please put it back or replace it.

If you have binned it because you’re concerned about expiry dates, thanks but don’t have to do that, so you need to own up…..or if you’re too chicken to do that, just replace it.

It was not yours, it had my name on it.

That is superb. What an absolute gimp.

 

[CHAPPERS]

Margarine?

Come on now.

 

[Badger]

Just appeared to all in the company from somebody here;

I would appreciate it if the person (s) who has “borrowed” the tub of margarine from the downstairs fridge, please put it back or replace it.

If you have binned it because you’re concerned about expiry dates, thanks but don’t have to do that, so you need to own up…..or if you’re too chicken to do that, just replace it.

It was not yours, it had my name on it.

That's a top quality, passive-aggressive email. Particularly liking the sarcastic "borrowed" in quotes.

If you could somehow coordinate everyone in the company replying and claiming responsibility, that would be tremendous.