Bell Cheeses at work

[Ninja Elephant]

Now, I don't want to sound harsh here, but I probably will do.

A woman has been made redundant in the office here because her role stopped adding value in about 2006. She has become more and more marginalised over the last few months, since her departure was announced, and she's basically spent her time on Amazon, sometimes trying to appear useful by badly booking appointments (clashing with other appointments, setting them for after shift finishes, etc etc etc) and then she had a go at being the tea lady. It was all quite tragic but today she's really gone the whole hog by bringing in a tub of Celebrations but having them on her desk, so you had to go over to her if you wanted any, and eating them by herself as the day has unfolded. With an hour to go, she did a little floor walk saying goodbye to people who clearly didn't know who she was, and really weren't too fussed that she was leaving and then the waterworks came just before 5 when it dawned on her, and she suddenly had a load of things she just had to do before leaving. It was all quite sad. And then her loud "good bye!" was met with near total silence. Finally, the final act in her dramatic departure, she got into a panic about what to do with her pass. It was a ridiculous spectacle from start to end, but now she's gone, and nobody will notice any difference.

 

[Gullflyinghigh]

Now, I don't want to sound harsh here, but I probably will do.

A woman has been made redundant in the office here because her role stopped adding value in about 2006. She has become more and more marginalised over the last few months, since her departure was announced, and she's basically spent her time on Amazon, sometimes trying to appear useful by badly booking appointments (clashing with other appointments, setting them for after shift finishes, etc etc etc) and then she had a go at being the tea lady. It was all quite tragic but today she's really gone the whole hog by bringing in a tub of Celebrations but having them on her desk, so you had to go over to her if you wanted any, and eating them by herself as the day has unfolded. With an hour to go, she did a little floor walk saying goodbye to people who clearly didn't know who she was, and really weren't too fussed that she was leaving and then the waterworks came just before 5 when it dawned on her, and she suddenly had a load of things she just had to do before leaving. It was all quite sad. And then her loud "good bye!" was met with near total silence. Finally, the final act in her dramatic departure, she got into a panic about what to do with her pass. It was a ridiculous spectacle from start to end, but now she's gone, and nobody will notice any difference.

I'm almost hesitant to say this but I'm not too sure that actually counts as bellcheesery.

If anything it sounds like the start of a tragic three-part drama on ITV, naturally starring Suranne Jones, where the loss of a job sends the main character into a depressing tailspin (with accompanying woes) before an eventual rally that results in a new job and meeting 'the one', ideally setting up a pregnancy-related Christmas special.

 

[Badger]

I'm almost hesitant to say this but I'm not too sure that actually counts as bellcheesery.

If anything it sounds like the start of a tragic three-part drama on ITV, naturally starring Suranne Jones, where the loss of a job sends the main character into a depressing tailspin (with accompanying woes) before an eventual rally that results in a new job and meeting the one', ideally setting up a pregnancy-related Christmas special.

There's that scenario, or there's....

 

[dazzer6666]

I'm almost hesitant to say this but I'm not too sure that actually counts as bellcheesery.

If anything it sounds like the start of a tragic three-part drama on ITV, naturally starring Suranne Jones, where the loss of a job sends the main character into a depressing tailspin (with accompanying woes) before an eventual rally that results in a new job and meeting the one', ideally setting up a pregnancy-related Christmas special.

Female Alan Partridge type thing ?

 

[Gullflyinghigh]

Female Alan Partridge type thing ?

Yeah, but with less laughs and more 'you go girl' moments

 

[Lady Whistledown]

Yeah, but with less laughs and more 'you go girl' moments

Could there also be a role for Sarah Lancashire?

 

[Gullflyinghigh]

Could there also be a role for Sarah Lancashire?

I thought it would be implied by the ITV element, much like anything that was once on BBC3 would feature Will Mellor in some way.

 

[Worthingite]

I thought it would be implied by the ITV element, much like anything that was once on BBC3 would feature Will Mellor in some way.

If it's ITV then it'll have to have Stephen Mulhearn. ITV shoehorn him into everything, although he definitely comes across as their very own bell cheese

 

[Ninja Elephant]

I'd like to see a few ridiculous cameos as well, maybe Barry from Eastenders could play the boss who had to deliver the news and Hunter from Gladiators, way back in the day, could play the security guard who escorts her out the building.

 

[SWC]

Long time reader, first time contributor.

Have moved into a new office and feel like I am serving life!

In no particular order, here is what I have to work with on a day to day basis.

Amy Ailments - She has gained her name as she likes to play ailment top trumps with customers and staff alike... If you've got it, she's had it worse! Quote today "I have to have that embarrassing test done", something most people would like to keep quiet, not Amy!

She will inform everyone of her day to day activities, ailments and the like step by step, people do not acknowledge her in any way, yet she still needs to inform us of what she is doing as she does it, the problem is she does this at the top of her voice. She also seems to enjoy informing us of what she did each evening and the hilarious anecdotes of her and her dog, which are "hilarious" and this is reinforced by her airy laugh which can only be described as the sound of air leaving a lilo at the end of a holiday.

Snorty Smelly Steve - Pretty self explanatory, will announce his arrival at your desk with one of those back of the throat phlegm collectors normally reserved for man flu season, and will repeat these throughout the conversation, the problem being 9/10 times he hasn't come over for any specific reason, other then to inform you that he has managed to p*ss off another customer as he seems to get self-pleasure from this, whilst seemingly breaking every code of conduct in the process.

However, this isn't my biggest gripe with SSS, it is in fact his lack of personal hygiene. Steve likes to pamper himself with a desk fan whilst at work, however, he doesn't seem to have been introduced to Lynx and friends, so when visiting Steve at his desk, you are greeted, by the assistance of the fan, the smell of eau de Steve which is constantly blown into your face for the duration of the conversation.

Ditzy Dawn - How someone can maintain a high level job when not being able to tell her a**e from her elbow is beyond me. Only this week did she spend most her day doing the same job that someone had already done at the beginning of the week. She also manages to forget her computer log in details on a daily basis.

Moaning Mandy - If it isn't done her way then it hasn't been done right and she is going to let you know about that!

Chubby Caroline - I believe that this woman is single handedly keeping Wiltshire Farm Foods in business, as this is the source of all her meals and seems to be on commission when trying to convince others that her microwaved roast beef is delicious. Regularly informing us of her deliveries from said business and what she is going to eat when she gets in. She can't understand why people waste their time and cook when they get home. However, as the name suggests, she is certainly not slimmer of the week.

Surely some bellcheesery here! Hopefully I am not the bellcheese... just the one who is trying to do a job and get out at the end of the day without carrying out mass murder.

 

[Badger]

Long time reader, first time contributor.

Have moved into a new office and feel like I am serving life!

In no particular order, here is what I have to work with on a day to day basis.

Amy Ailments - She has gained her name as she likes to play ailment top trumps with customers and staff alike... If you've got it, she's had it worse! Quote today "I have to have that embarrassing test done", something most people would like to keep quiet, not Amy!

She will inform everyone of her day to day activities, ailments and the like step by step, people do not acknowledge her in any way, yet she still needs to inform us of what she is doing as she does it, the problem is she does this at the top of her voice. She also seems to enjoy informing us of what she did each evening and the hilarious anecdotes of her and her dog, which are "hilarious" and this is reinforced by her airy laugh which can only be described as the sound of air leaving a lilo at the end of a holiday.

Snorty Smelly Steve - Pretty self explanatory, will announce his arrival at your desk with one of those back of the throat phlegm collectors normally reserved for man flu season, and will repeat these throughout the conversation, the problem being 9/10 times he hasn't come over for any specific reason, other then to inform you that he has managed to p*ss off another customer as he seems to get self-pleasure from this, whilst seemingly breaking every code of conduct in the process.

However, this isn't my biggest gripe with SSS, it is in fact his lack of personal hygiene. Steve likes to pamper himself with a desk fan whilst at work, however, he doesn't seem to have been introduced to Lynx and friends, so when visiting Steve at his desk, you are greeted, by the assistance of the fan, the smell of eau de Steve which is constantly blown into your face for the duration of the conversation.

Ditzy Dawn - How someone can maintain a high level job when not being able to tell her a**e from her elbow is beyond me. Only this week did she spend most her day doing the same job that someone had already done at the beginning of the week. She also manages to forget her computer log in details on a daily basis.

Moaning Mandy - If it isn't done her way then it hasn't been done right and she is going to let you know about that!

Chubby Caroline - I believe that this woman is single handedly keeping Wiltshire Farm Foods in business, as this is the source of all her meals and seems to be on commission when trying to convince others that her microwaved roast beef is delicious. Regularly informing us of her deliveries from said business and what she is going to eat when she gets in. She can't understand why people waste their time and cook when they get home. However, as the name suggests, she is certainly not slimmer of the week.

Surely some bellcheesery here! Hopefully I am not the bellcheese... just the one who is trying to do a job and get out at the end of the day without carrying out mass murder.

Top effort for a first post

Classic office FATTY to complete the set too. I thought Wiltshire Farm Foods just made dinners for OAPs who could no longer cook for themselves. My granny started having them when she was in her 90s. I guess it's like those mobility scooters which used to be for elderly and disabled people, now half of them are just used by CHUBSTERS.

 

[beorhthelm]

Have moved into a new office and feel like I am serving life!

In no particular order, here is what I have to work with on a day to day basis.

economist struggle over why the UK has lower productivity then other countries, i think this demonstrates the reason.

 

[dazzer6666]

Long time reader, first time contributor.

Have moved into a new office and feel like I am serving life!

In no particular order, here is what I have to work with on a day to day basis.

Amy Ailments - She has gained her name as she likes to play ailment top trumps with customers and staff alike... If you've got it, she's had it worse! Quote today "I have to have that embarrassing test done", something most people would like to keep quiet, not Amy!

She will inform everyone of her day to day activities, ailments and the like step by step, people do not acknowledge her in any way, yet she still needs to inform us of what she is doing as she does it, the problem is she does this at the top of her voice. She also seems to enjoy informing us of what she did each evening and the hilarious anecdotes of her and her dog, which are "hilarious" and this is reinforced by her airy laugh which can only be described as the sound of air leaving a lilo at the end of a holiday.

Snorty Smelly Steve - Pretty self explanatory, will announce his arrival at your desk with one of those back of the throat phlegm collectors normally reserved for man flu season, and will repeat these throughout the conversation, the problem being 9/10 times he hasn't come over for any specific reason, other then to inform you that he has managed to p*ss off another customer as he seems to get self-pleasure from this, whilst seemingly breaking every code of conduct in the process.

However, this isn't my biggest gripe with SSS, it is in fact his lack of personal hygiene. Steve likes to pamper himself with a desk fan whilst at work, however, he doesn't seem to have been introduced to Lynx and friends, so when visiting Steve at his desk, you are greeted, by the assistance of the fan, the smell of eau de Steve which is constantly blown into your face for the duration of the conversation.

Ditzy Dawn - How someone can maintain a high level job when not being able to tell her a**e from her elbow is beyond me. Only this week did she spend most her day doing the same job that someone had already done at the beginning of the week. She also manages to forget her computer log in details on a daily basis.

Moaning Mandy - If it isn't done her way then it hasn't been done right and she is going to let you know about that!

Chubby Caroline - I believe that this woman is single handedly keeping Wiltshire Farm Foods in business, as this is the source of all her meals and seems to be on commission when trying to convince others that her microwaved roast beef is delicious. Regularly informing us of her deliveries from said business and what she is going to eat when she gets in. She can't understand why people waste their time and cook when they get home. However, as the name suggests, she is certainly not slimmer of the week.

Surely some bellcheesery here! Hopefully I am not the bellcheese... just the one who is trying to do a job and get out at the end of the day without carrying out mass murder.

Welcome, and a cracking start. It does help to share the pain so do keep us up to date - sounds like you've got the makings of the Special Edition 'Complete BellCheese Office' full set there.

 

[Lady Whistledown]

Where do we stand on office sorts who insist on telling you intimate details of their bedroom lives?

I'm afraid I'll have to save specific details for when I leave my current role, as to identify this individual would risk making my life very difficult, but let us just say he has some interesting (lawful, I should add, but probably what you'd politely term "niche"), preferences, in that department, and frankly he's not the sort of person I ever, ever want to imagine in any type of sexual scenario.

Bellcheesery??

 

[dazzer6666]

Where do we stand on office sorts who insist on telling you intimate details of their bedroom lives?

I'm afraid I'll have to save specific details for when I leave my current role, as to identify this individual would risk making my life very difficult, but let us just say he has some interesting (lawful, I should add, but probably what you'd politely term "niche"), preferences, in that department, and frankly he's not the sort of person I ever, ever want to imagine in any type of sexual scenario.

Bellcheesery??

Is his girlfriend a student teacher ?

 

[WhingForPresident]

My boss has conveniently given a pretty big job to one of his 'mates', clearly going against the company's ethics policy by conducting the interviews himself and making the decision to overlook people that have worked at said company for years that applied for the job in order to hire his 'mate', which has pissed off said experienced people that applied to the point that they're now all leaving (second time this has happened now). Nobody knows what he is even meant to be doing, as my boss decided to take a two-week holiday from the day his 'mate' started, so he has just been floating around, talking shit, doing the whole 'LOOK HOW ENTHUSIASTIC I AM' thing whilst actually doing nothing.

Had a meeting with the 'mate' today and he is just as much of a **** as my boss, spouting shit about all his 'brilliant contacts' (clearly bullshit), attempting to tell me how to do my job when he knows ****-all, one-upping anything said by anyone and breathing his ****ing raw sewage-esque breath everywhere.

I get the feeling I am going to be venting here quite frequently from now on.

 

[jakarta]

Where do we stand on office sorts who insist on telling you intimate details of their bedroom lives?

I'm afraid I'll have to save specific details for when I leave my current role, as to identify this individual would risk making my life very difficult, but let us just say he has some interesting (lawful, I should add, but probably what you'd politely term "niche"), preferences, in that department, and frankly he's not the sort of person I ever, ever want to imagine in any type of sexual scenario.

Bellcheesery??

Absolutely. What on earth would make you declare this sort of stuff with people you spend your working life with? Aspergers perhaps?

 

[Postman Pat]

I have been a little bit Zen this week, we had an inter company football game last week, I happened to be on the opposite team to a number of my office bellcheeses, retribution was delivered in spades....

However it's now over...we have a new guy in the office, when he started he was sniffing and clearing his throat, I thought he had a cold......but this has been three weeks now, this is going to happen forever....also he types like his keyboard has offended him in some way, how can anyone type so loud?

To top it all he has now taken to giving himself his diabetes injections at his desk. He lifts up his jumper and jabs himself in the side, twice a day. No one needs to see that.

 

[Gullflyinghigh]

Long time reader, first time contributor.

Have moved into a new office and feel like I am serving life!

In no particular order, here is what I have to work with on a day to day basis.

Amy Ailments - She has gained her name as she likes to play ailment top trumps with customers and staff alike... If you've got it, she's had it worse! Quote today "I have to have that embarrassing test done", something most people would like to keep quiet, not Amy!

She will inform everyone of her day to day activities, ailments and the like step by step, people do not acknowledge her in any way, yet she still needs to inform us of what she is doing as she does it, the problem is she does this at the top of her voice. She also seems to enjoy informing us of what she did each evening and the hilarious anecdotes of her and her dog, which are "hilarious" and this is reinforced by her airy laugh which can only be described as the sound of air leaving a lilo at the end of a holiday.

Snorty Smelly Steve - Pretty self explanatory, will announce his arrival at your desk with one of those back of the throat phlegm collectors normally reserved for man flu season, and will repeat these throughout the conversation, the problem being 9/10 times he hasn't come over for any specific reason, other then to inform you that he has managed to p*ss off another customer as he seems to get self-pleasure from this, whilst seemingly breaking every code of conduct in the process.

However, this isn't my biggest gripe with SSS, it is in fact his lack of personal hygiene. Steve likes to pamper himself with a desk fan whilst at work, however, he doesn't seem to have been introduced to Lynx and friends, so when visiting Steve at his desk, you are greeted, by the assistance of the fan, the smell of eau de Steve which is constantly blown into your face for the duration of the conversation.

Ditzy Dawn - How someone can maintain a high level job when not being able to tell her a**e from her elbow is beyond me. Only this week did she spend most her day doing the same job that someone had already done at the beginning of the week. She also manages to forget her computer log in details on a daily basis.

Moaning Mandy - If it isn't done her way then it hasn't been done right and she is going to let you know about that!

Chubby Caroline - I believe that this woman is single handedly keeping Wiltshire Farm Foods in business, as this is the source of all her meals and seems to be on commission when trying to convince others that her microwaved roast beef is delicious. Regularly informing us of her deliveries from said business and what she is going to eat when she gets in. She can't understand why people waste their time and cook when they get home. However, as the name suggests, she is certainly not slimmer of the week.

Surely some bellcheesery here! Hopefully I am not the bellcheese... just the one who is trying to do a job and get out at the end of the day without carrying out mass murder.

Welcome to the merry band of sufferers!

Great things should be expected from your future posts, looks like the bellcheese potential is through the roof.

 

[Badger]

I have been a little bit Zen this week, we had an inter company football game last week, I happened to be on the opposite team to a number of my office bellcheeses, retribution was delivered in spades....

However it's now over...we have a new guy in the office, when he started he was sniffing and clearing his throat, I thought he had a cold......but this has been three weeks now, this is going to happen forever....also he types like his keyboard has offended him in some way, how can anyone type so loud?

It will NEVER stop. The guy who sits opposite me has this little throat clearing cough which seems to get more regular at certain points in the day. I thought it was a cold to start with, but I've been here over 5 months and the cough still remains. In fact, he's coughed 4 times during the time it's taken me to write this.

To top it all he has now taken to giving himself his diabetes injections at his desk. He lifts up his jumper and jabs himself in the side, twice a day. No one needs to see that.

I assume he wants everyone to KNOW he has diabetes? Seems like a classic "look how hard my life is" tactic.

* 2 more coughs *