Bell Cheeses at work

[nail-Z]

I work in an open plan office, but this doesn't stop one particular BC from dialling in to a telephone conference from his desk, on loudspeaker.

Thank the Lord for headphones.

 

[MattBackHome]

She was one of those people who, if you had an elephant, she had a box to put it in. If you ever gave an example of a piece of good work or outstanding service, she had a better one.

The kind of person for whom it can be said that if you've been to Tenerife, she's been to Elevenerife.

 

[spring hall convert]

I work in an open plan office, but this doesn't stop one particular BC from dialling in to a telephone conference from his desk, on loudspeaker.

Thank the Lord for headphones.

'Look at me, I'm so important, I'm on a conference call.'

What is wrong with some people that they actually think other people give a toss about their deluded, work-based sense of self importance? Literally the dullest people on the planet.

 

[Tom Hark Preston Park]

I work in an open plan office, but this doesn't stop one particular BC from dialling in to a telephone conference from his desk, on loudspeaker.

I once worked for the IT department of an American bank where some international hotshot vice-president jetted in for a week of high-powered meetings. We rarely saw him in our open plan office as he was off being dynamic elsewhere in the building most of the time - tho we were acutely aware of his presence as he had left his laptop pre-programmed to blast out the The Islamic Call to Prayer at full volume several times a day. Sake!

 

[Gullflyinghigh]

I work in an open plan office, but this doesn't stop one particular BC from dialling in to a telephone conference from his desk, on loudspeaker.

Thank the Lord for headphones.

We've a whole team that like to do this, though I'm not sure they can be fully blamed as their manager doesn't exactly set a good example. For him a call seems to be something that should be enjoyed by everyone, which is achieved by walking round the office with earbuds in and talking into the phone whilst holding it as if it were a slice of pizza.

All this whilst in his his skinny jeans. With a trendy beard. In his middle age.

My contempt for him and his innovation (shocker!) monkeys knows no bounds.

 

[Cian]

I've noticed a minor, massively distributed bellcheesery slipping in in work.

People are using the term "bottom this out" to refer to fact finding. Many people. I can't tell where the infection started, but I'm thinking there may have been a teambuilding event that caused it.

 

[whitelion]

The most annoying office jargon phrases that need to die in 2015

Dot the Is and cross the Ts, because a new survey has looked under the bonnet and discovered that we’re all singing from the same hymn sheet.

Which, if you’re not fluent in office jargon, roughly translates as: pay attention, because a new survey has looked at the situation and discovered that we’re all thinking the same thing.

And we’re all thinking that ridiculous office jargon needs to stop. Now.

Animal charity SPANA asked 2,000 office workers their thoughts on office lingo and, as expected, most people can’t stand it.

They found seven in 10 workers simply switch off if their boss starts throwing around pointless phrases likes ‘strategic staircase’ and ‘helicopter view’.

Which is hardly surprising because who the hell knows what that even means?

From ‘blue sky thinking’ to ‘synergy’ here are the most pointless phrases from 2015 that we want to die and never hear again (and what they mean).

1. Blue sky thinking (this one is the worst. freedom to think without influence or preconception)

2. Think outside the box (think creatively)

3. Touch base offline (let’s actually meet IRL and talk)

4. Close of play (by the end of the day)

5. Going forward (in future, from now on)

6. No brainer (it’s so obvious)

7. Action that (put into practice)

8. Drill down (investigate thoroughly)

9. Thought shower (fancy new word for a brainstorm)

10. Flogging a dead horse (wasting your efforts)

11. Hot desking (sharing several desks with colleagues and their germs)

12. Heads up (a notification, forewarning)

13. It’s on my radar (I’m aware of it, I’m considering it)

14. Joined up thinking (thinking about all the facts as a whole)

15. Bring to the table (the contribution offered to the group)

16. Punch a puppy (to do something detestable but good for the business)

17. Run this up the flagpole (try something out)

18. Cracking the whip (to use your authority to make someone work better)

19. Moving the goalposts (changing the criteria)

20. EOP (end of play)

21. Working fingers to the bone (working very hard, but I think we all knew this one anyway – is this really classed as annoying office jargon?)

22. Game changer (something that causes a fundamental shift)

23. It’s not rocket science (it’s not difficult)

24. Hit the ground running (start work quickly

25. Ping (get back to, send, as in email)

26. Low hanging fruit (easy win business)

27. Singing from the same hymn sheet (all on the same page, all in agreement as to what the plan is)

28. Strategic staircase (business plan)

29. Park something (hold an idea, potentially for later use)

30. Benchmark (point of reference)

31. COB (close of business)

32. Reach out (contact – this has to be one of the new pretenders that is p*ssing people off all over Facebook – expect to see this one run and run into 2016, sorry)

33. Re-inventing the wheel (spending time developing something that already exists)

34. Dot the Is and cross the Ts (pay attention)

35. Best practice (most effective way)

36. Al Desko (lunch at the desk)

37. Backburner (de-prioritise)

38. Pick it up and run with it (move ahead with an idea)

39. Play hardball (act forcefully)

40. This idea has legs (it’s a good idea that has lasting appeal)

41. Synergy (these things will work well together and complement one another)

42. I’m swamped (you’re just busy, ok?)

43. It’s a win / win (it’s good for both sides)

44. Look under the bonnet (analyse the situation)

45. Quick and dirty (rapid solution that might not be the most well-developed or elegant but will do the trick. We’re not that offended by this one, don’t know about you)

46. Peel the onion (examine the problem later by layer)

47. Out of the loop (not involved in the decision-making process, not up to date with developments)

48. Wow factor (amazing, eye-catching appeal)

49. Helicopter view (broad view of the business)

50. Elevator pitch (brief presentation, the broad idea distilled into a 30 second to one-minute pitch, as if you were pitching in the time it took your lift to ascend/descend.

 

[happypig]

'Look at me, I'm so important, I'm on a conference call.'

What is wrong with some people that they actually think other people give a toss about their deluded, work-based sense of self importance? Literally the dullest people on the planet.

Back in the mid 1990s mobile phones were just taking off and all the managers in my company were issued one. Some of them acted like they were the Lord Jesus Christ Almighty because they had a MOBILE PHONE. One particular BC (of whose bell-cheesery I could write a book) came into the office one day and was struggling to get a signal so he, despite there being several unoccupied desks, each with a phone on them, stood on a chair in the middle and shouted.

 

[Napper]

The most annoying office jargon phrases that need to die in 2015



3. Touch base offline (let’s actually meet IRL and talk)

.

Brilliant except No3 . Really annoyed me IRL !!!! In real life obviously. We have numerous people here that abbreviate everything even if it doesn't need it. Gets ridiculous .

IRL = Really lol

 

[Easy 10]

"Punch a puppy" - (to do something detestable but good for the business)

Never heard that one before, but as office jargon, I actually quite like that. Some of our beleaguered sufferers on this thread do actually have to put up with dogs in the office, so they could quite literally carry this out.

 

[Prince Monolulu]

The most annoying office jargon phrases that need to die in 2015

Dot the Is and cross the Ts, because a new survey has looked under the bonnet and discovered that we’re all singing from the same hymn sheet.

Which, if you’re not fluent in office jargon, roughly translates as: pay attention, because a new survey has looked at the situation and discovered that we’re all thinking the same thing.

And we’re all thinking that ridiculous office jargon needs to stop. Now.

Animal charity SPANA asked 2,000 office workers their thoughts on office lingo and, as expected, most people can’t stand it.

They found seven in 10 workers simply switch off if their boss starts throwing around pointless phrases likes ‘strategic staircase’ and ‘helicopter view’.

Which is hardly surprising because who the hell knows what that even means?

From ‘blue sky thinking’ to ‘synergy’ here are the most pointless phrases from 2015 that we want to die and never hear again (and what they mean).

36. Al Desko (lunch at the desk)

Genuine

 

[Norman Potting]

The kind of person for whom it can be said that if you've been to Tenerife, she's been to Elevenerife.

Genius!

 

[Badger]

I work in an open plan office, but this doesn't stop one particular BC from dialling in to a telephone conference from his desk, on loudspeaker.

Thank the Lord for headphones.

I think EVERY office has one of these. Near my desk there is a meeting room with one of those conference call "spider" phones. This meeting room has a door, but I'm not sure everyone realises that this door exists. Almost every day there will be a group of people having a conference call in there with the door WIDE open. There's one particular guy who is usually on these calls and doesn't appear to have an inside voice.

"Punch a puppy" - (to do something detestable but good for the business)

Never heard that one before, but as office jargon, I actually quite like that. Some of our beleaguered sufferers on this thread do actually have to put up with dogs in the office, so they could quite literally carry this out.

I wish I'd known this phrase when I was working in the dog office.

 

[dazzer6666]

The most annoying office jargon phrases that need to die in 2015

Dot the Is and cross the Ts, because a new survey has looked under the bonnet and discovered that we’re all singing from the same hymn sheet.

Which, if you’re not fluent in office jargon, roughly translates as: pay attention, because a new survey has looked at the situation and discovered that we’re all thinking the same thing.

And we’re all thinking that ridiculous office jargon needs to stop. Now.

Animal charity SPANA asked 2,000 office workers their thoughts on office lingo and, as expected, most people can’t stand it.

They found seven in 10 workers simply switch off if their boss starts throwing around pointless phrases likes ‘strategic staircase’ and ‘helicopter view’.

Which is hardly surprising because who the hell knows what that even means?

From ‘blue sky thinking’ to ‘synergy’ here are the most pointless phrases from 2015 that we want to die and never hear again (and what they mean).

1. Blue sky thinking (this one is the worst. freedom to think without influence or preconception)

2. Think outside the box (think creatively)

3. Touch base offline (let’s actually meet IRL and talk)

4. Close of play (by the end of the day)

5. Going forward (in future, from now on)

6. No brainer (it’s so obvious)

7. Action that (put into practice)

8. Drill down (investigate thoroughly)

9. Thought shower (fancy new word for a brainstorm)

10. Flogging a dead horse (wasting your efforts)

11. Hot desking (sharing several desks with colleagues and their germs)

12. Heads up (a notification, forewarning)

13. It’s on my radar (I’m aware of it, I’m considering it)

14. Joined up thinking (thinking about all the facts as a whole)

15. Bring to the table (the contribution offered to the group)

16. Punch a puppy (to do something detestable but good for the business)

17. Run this up the flagpole (try something out)

18. Cracking the whip (to use your authority to make someone work better)

19. Moving the goalposts (changing the criteria)

20. EOP (end of play)

21. Working fingers to the bone (working very hard, but I think we all knew this one anyway – is this really classed as annoying office jargon?)

22. Game changer (something that causes a fundamental shift)

23. It’s not rocket science (it’s not difficult)

24. Hit the ground running (start work quickly

25. Ping (get back to, send, as in email)

26. Low hanging fruit (easy win business)

27. Singing from the same hymn sheet (all on the same page, all in agreement as to what the plan is)

28. Strategic staircase (business plan)

29. Park something (hold an idea, potentially for later use)

30. Benchmark (point of reference)

31. COB (close of business)

32. Reach out (contact – this has to be one of the new pretenders that is p*ssing people off all over Facebook – expect to see this one run and run into 2016, sorry)

33. Re-inventing the wheel (spending time developing something that already exists)

34. Dot the Is and cross the Ts (pay attention)

35. Best practice (most effective way)

36. Al Desko (lunch at the desk)

37. Backburner (de-prioritise)

38. Pick it up and run with it (move ahead with an idea)

39. Play hardball (act forcefully)

40. This idea has legs (it’s a good idea that has lasting appeal)

41. Synergy (these things will work well together and complement one another)

42. I’m swamped (you’re just busy, ok?)

43. It’s a win / win (it’s good for both sides)

44. Look under the bonnet (analyse the situation)

45. Quick and dirty (rapid solution that might not be the most well-developed or elegant but will do the trick. We’re not that offended by this one, don’t know about you)

46. Peel the onion (examine the problem later by layer)

47. Out of the loop (not involved in the decision-making process, not up to date with developments)

48. Wow factor (amazing, eye-catching appeal)

49. Helicopter view (broad view of the business)

50. Elevator pitch (brief presentation, the broad idea distilled into a 30 second to one-minute pitch, as if you were pitching in the time it took your lift to ascend/descend.

If this was a game of bullshit bingo, I would have the lot ticked off before lunchtime on Monday in my place (global HQ of a major bank). Armies of 'middle management' who think these phrases make them look smart..............but they never deliver a ******* thing. Beyond irritating.

 

[bn1&bn3 Albion]

There's a new guy who feels the need to pat me or tap me. There's no need to touch me.

Ohh, I had someone like that on a course I took not too long ago.. I know it was harmless and he probably didn't realise he was doing it but I wanted to chin him after being sat with him for 10 minutes..

 

[BHAFC_Pandapops]

I like the way you have been guarded as to the sex of the person in all the previous posts except this where you let it slip

I tried!

 

[BHAFC_Pandapops]

We've a whole team that like to do this, though I'm not sure they can be fully blamed as their manager doesn't exactly set a good example. For him a call seems to be something that should be enjoyed by everyone, which is achieved by walking round the office with earbuds in and talking into the phone whilst holding it as if it were a slice of pizza.

All this whilst in his his skinny jeans. With a trendy beard. In his middle age.

My contempt for him and his innovation (shocker!) monkeys knows no bounds.

My peeve is people doing "pizza slice phone" with an iPhone, given that the mic is built into the earphones. It's like people using them headset microphone things and putting the mic right up to their lips. Che?

 

[BHAFC_Pandapops]

One of the big regional CEOs started doing that "stand with legs uncomfortably far apart so that people know you're powerful" thing. You thought Osborne looked ridiculous doing it. I've never seen so many attendees looking uncomfortable in my entire life. He even said "here I am straddling (different regional divisions) in relation to you guys".

Here we were laughing at how much of a hypermacho cockwomble stood in front of us.

 

[scamander]

in terms of office jargon the verb 'to land' has arrived in full where I work.

"where are we landing with this?"
"when will this / will this land"?

I listened to an interesting piece on R4 once all about management spiel. One point I clearly remembered was how there can be no negatives in the office anymore, problem is replaced with challenge, it's a small but noticeable shift from a word which might stop an activity/project etc to one which requires a solution and involves achievement.

Of course this simply doesn't land in some instances. A server going down meaning no-one in the office can do any work isn't a challenge, it's a huge problem. Language is a key indicator of how a company works, you can tell a lot about someone by how much they rely on the cliches.

 

[Tom Hark Preston Park]

A server going down meaning no-one in the office can do any work isn't a challenge, it's a huge problem. Language is a key indicator of how a company works, you can tell a lot about someone by how much they rely on the cliches.

Sounds like your office needs to nominate a server champion