Bell Cheeses at work

[Easy 10]

Sickness here is a joke, its SO lax as to be ridiculous. One bloke always seems to be off sick the day he's due back from having any holiday. He routinely just tags it on to the end of his leave, and I've never seen him pulled up on it. I'm sure its happened 3 times this year, and on the last occasion, he took an entire week off sick having been on holiday the previous week, but (get this) STILL had the cheek to pop in and pick up a parcel that he'd had delivered to work from Amazon (piling on the MANFLU to bubonic plague proportions, before sloping off home again with his package under his arm). Unreal.

Some people have now taken to TEXTING IN when they're off sick, asking colleagues to tell the manager they won't be in.

 

[Postman Pat]

I honestly cannot picture what you are talking about here - do you mean some kind of motorised unicycle ? And he rides it in the OFFICE ?

If thats the case, that really is a whole new level of bellcheesery.

It's one of these


A single wheel segway apparently.... not in the office, the office isn't very big.

 

[8ace]

It's one of these
View attachment 69624

A single wheel segway apparently.... not in the office, the office isn't very big.

At a previous place of employment there was someone who used to whizz around the office on one of those micro scooters

 

[Cian]

At a previous place of employment there was someone who used to whizz around the office on one of those micro scooters

Graphic designer?

 

[8ace]

Graphic designer?

Not far away, he was a creative type.
Always reminded me of the scene from Nathan Barley with the tricycle.

 

[Easy 10]

It's one of these
View attachment 69624

A single wheel segway apparently.... not in the office, the office isn't very big.

Struth.

The temptation to grab and yank his ponytail as he whizzes past, sending him sprawling, must be utterly overwhelming.

 

[nail-Z]

Bloody LINGERERS.

There's a chap in my office that likes to have a bit of a chat every now and again. The problem is, he never recognises that point when a conversation comes to a natural end. He'll stick around for the awkward silence, looking at you whilst trying to think of something else to say, before finally getting the hint and sloping off.

 

[BHAFC_Pandapops]

Not far away, he was a creative type.
Always reminded me of the scene from Nathan Barley with the tricycle.

"They use the word "cool". It is their favourite word. The idiot does not think about what it is saying. Thinking is rubbish. And rubbish isn't cool. 'Stuff and shit' is cool. The idiots are self-regarding consumer slaves, oblivious to the paradox of their uniform individuality. They sculpt their hair to casual perfection, they wear their waistbands below their balls, they babble into hand-held twit machines about that cool email of the woman being bummed by a wolf. Their cool friend made it. He's an idiot too."

haha

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lhAr_UeroCk

 

[Adders1]

I have a chap in my office whom i quite like, but seemingly has a never ending supply of soy crisps in his drawers - drawer opens, and a handful is spinkled over the desk, and cement mixer decibel crunching begins. This goes on every 2-4 minutes until he leaves the office. Sometimes, mid-chew, he will whistle the same bit of 'The Good The Bad and The Ugly' theme over and over again. The worst thing is that now he knows it annoys me, he makes a point of mentioning how he specifically requested the crunchiest snacks on his weekly pilgrimage to the wholesale market.

On another Bell-note, our office kitchen is annexed by a group of young mothers / pregnant women who work in a insurance call centre, and spend their breaks in some kind of bizarre competition where they mention banal facts about their children/unborn - like a succession of increasingly shrill s one-upmanship statements no-one actually listens to. They also leave passive aggressive notes everywhere.

 

[Badger]

Found this and thought that many of you will appreciate the content.

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/why-...og-sally-percy?trk=hp-feed-article-title-like

Well she can just F*** RIGHT OFF. I can GUARANTEE there are people in her office who absolutely HATE having a dog there.

"He can be relied on, throughout the day, to put a reassuring head on your lap, have a cuddle, or give you a brief lick to the face when none of your other colleagues are prepared to go that far to make you feel better."

Yes what a PERFECT way to start your day, have some STINKING dog leave its hair and slobber all over you.

It's one of these

A single wheel segway apparently.... not in the office, the office isn't very big.

I saw I guy on one of these today, I had to resist the temptation to throw a large STICK in front of it.

 

[Iggle Piggle]

Found this and thought that many of you will appreciate the content.

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/why-...og-sally-percy?trk=hp-feed-article-title-like

As my work colleague said when he saw me reading the article 'Bollocks mate. Every office should have a bird with massive tits'

I couldn't ague with the logic.

 

[TWOCHOICEStom]

So, it seems the MUSIC MONSTER has many forms. I've moved desks and there's a nice set of Yamaha studio monitors connected to a laptop playing spotify in the corner. Decent sound quality which is nice. A little light music whilst I work is appreciated. I like it.

But if I hear Justin Bieber whine "is it too late now to say sorry?" one more time, I am going to go insane. The MUSIC MONSTER(s) seems oblivious to the fact that the Spotify Top 50 is total shithouse, but worse - every time I change the playlist or turn the music off, they start it FROM THE BEGINNING so we hear little Justin asking if it's too late all over again. Yes Justin. It is too late. It's too ****ing late. **** off you whiney little shitbag.

Yesterday, someone just MOSEYED over to the Spotify computer and just pressed SHUFFLE PLAY on the MICHAEL ****ing BUBLÉ artist page... Who does that? What kind of sicko just hits shuffle play on a damn artist page? I'll tell you. The ****ing MUSIC MONSTER that's who. The same person who ****s off to a 4 hour meeting after doing so... that's who.

What should I do? Wipe the hard drive? Eat the speakers? Keep getting out of my chair every hour shouting "**** sake!!". Quit?

Please help.

 

[Ryde]

So, it seems the MUSIC MONSTER has many forms. I've moved desks and there's a nice set of Yamaha studio monitors connected to a laptop playing spotify in the corner. Decent sound quality which is nice. A little light music whilst I work is appreciated. I like it.

But if I hear Justin Bieber whine "is it too late now to say sorry?" one more time, I am going to go insane. The MUSIC MONSTER(s) seems oblivious to the fact that the Spotify Top 50 is total shithouse, but worse - every time I change the playlist or turn the music off, they start it FROM THE BEGINNING so we hear little Justin asking if it's too late all over again. Yes Justin. It is too late. It's too ****ing late. **** off you whiney little shitbag.

Yesterday, someone just MOSEYED over to the Spotify computer and just pressed SHUFFLE PLAY on the MICHAEL ****ing BUBLÉ artist page... Who does that? What kind of sicko just hits shuffle play on a damn artist page? I'll tell you. The ****ing MUSIC MONSTER that's who. The same person who ****s off to a 4 hour meeting after doing so... that's who.

What should I do? Wipe the hard drive? Eat the speakers? Keep getting out of my chair every hour shouting "**** sake!!". Quit?

Please help.

Quit!

 

[Postman Pat]

So, it seems the MUSIC MONSTER has many forms. I've moved desks and there's a nice set of Yamaha studio monitors connected to a laptop playing spotify in the corner. Decent sound quality which is nice. A little light music whilst I work is appreciated. I like it.

But if I hear Justin Bieber whine "is it too late now to say sorry?" one more time, I am going to go insane. The MUSIC MONSTER(s) seems oblivious to the fact that the Spotify Top 50 is total shithouse, but worse - every time I change the playlist or turn the music off, they start it FROM THE BEGINNING so we hear little Justin asking if it's too late all over again. Yes Justin. It is too late. It's too ****ing late. **** off you whiney little shitbag.

Yesterday, someone just MOSEYED over to the Spotify computer and just pressed SHUFFLE PLAY on the MICHAEL ****ing BUBLÉ artist page... Who does that? What kind of sicko just hits shuffle play on a damn artist page? I'll tell you. The ****ing MUSIC MONSTER that's who. The same person who ****s off to a 4 hour meeting after doing so... that's who.

What should I do? Wipe the hard drive? Eat the speakers? Keep getting out of my chair every hour shouting "**** sake!!". Quit?

Please help.

Is there any way you can suggest some sort of rota system where everyone gets a day selecting the music, and then fixing the draw so it's always their turn when they are not in.......

 

[hans kraay fan club]

So, it seems the MUSIC MONSTER has many forms. I've moved desks and there's a nice set of Yamaha studio monitors connected to a laptop playing spotify in the corner. Decent sound quality which is nice. A little light music whilst I work is appreciated. I like it.

But if I hear Justin Bieber whine "is it too late now to say sorry?" one more time, I am going to go insane. The MUSIC MONSTER(s) seems oblivious to the fact that the Spotify Top 50 is total shithouse, but worse - every time I change the playlist or turn the music off, they start it FROM THE BEGINNING so we hear little Justin asking if it's too late all over again. Yes Justin. It is too late. It's too ****ing late. **** off you whiney little shitbag.

Yesterday, someone just MOSEYED over to the Spotify computer and just pressed SHUFFLE PLAY on the MICHAEL ****ing BUBLÉ artist page... Who does that? What kind of sicko just hits shuffle play on a damn artist page? I'll tell you. The ****ing MUSIC MONSTER that's who. The same person who ****s off to a 4 hour meeting after doing so... that's who.

What should I do? Wipe the hard drive? Eat the speakers? Keep getting out of my chair every hour shouting "**** sake!!". Quit?

Please help.

Set up a VPN remote control of that laptop, from your own, over the office wi-fi. Every time some goon selects something crap, just change it. Nobody will see you move, nor suspect you of over-riding it. Just nod your head when they start scratching their heads about spotify being 'broken'.

 

[TWOCHOICEStom]

You're all too late. Ace of Base - 'It's a beautiful life' was the straw that broke this camel's back. I just had a bit of a paddy.. I STOMPED across the office in a HUFF whilst making my feelings audibly clear to all of the music monsters who may have been listening. If nothing else, my colleagues have learned some new English words today.

But thanks for the good suggestions so far! I've tried the remote desktop route, but the trouble is it kicks off the current user and the bosses like to display various graphs etc so I can't really get away with it. I also thought about quitting, but I like my job. So that might be an issue.

The fix I have planned is to log myself in on Spotify on the machine then use Spotify connect. The problem with this route is that I can't listen in my headphones at my desk at the same time. But that's a small price to pay for my sanity.

 

[Notters]

This thread has sunk far too low. I didn't think I would be able to *concentrate as I work in a relatively calm and peaceful office with pleasant people... But FOOD is really starting to bother me now. People start preparing and eating their lunches at about 10:30am and go right through to 4pm. How is this possible when there are only about 8 people here? The microwave is constantly HUMMING and PINGING, there's a constant tomatoey smell (me being one of the few who isn't vegetarian/vegan) and there is a growing trend for people to producing vastly complicated meals, with several courses, rice and salad, etc.

Someone this morning asked why we don't have a toaster. Fair enough if we had a separate kitchen but we don't. If I wanted the stench of food all day I'd work in a restaurant!

*edit: contribute!

 

[Paul Reids Sock]

This thread has sunk far too low. I didn't think I would be able to concentrate as I work in a relatively calm and peaceful office with pleasant people... But FOOD is really starting to bother me now. People start preparing and eating their lunches at about 10:30am and go right through to 4pm. How is this possible when there are only about 8 people here? The microwave is constantly HUMMING and PINGING, there's a constant tomatoey smell (me being one of the few who isn't vegetarian/vegan) and there is a growing trend for people to producing vastly complicated meals, with several courses, rice and salad, etc.

Someone this morning asked why we don't have a toaster. Fair enough if we had a separate kitchen but we don't. If I wanted the stench of food all day I'd work in a restaurant!

Food is a massive sign of a bell cheese - my old office banned anything hot being eaten at your desk. But that annoyed the non smelly hot food eaters who claimed the management were then the bell cheeses

So, I've started a new job and the place is amazing. I genuinely have liked everyone that I met. Seeing as every office has at least one ... does that mean I am the Bell Cheese?

 

[dazzer6666]

Food is a massive sign of a bell cheese - my old office banned anything hot being eaten at your desk. But that annoyed the non smelly hot food eaters who claimed the management were then the bell cheeses

So, I've started a new job and the place is amazing. I genuinely have liked everyone that I met. Seeing as every office has at least one ... does that mean I am the Bell Cheese?

If you need to ask...

 

[Cian]

Someone this morning asked why we don't have a toaster.

If its not already banned for this reason, get one and it will be shortly: fire alarms/sprinklers.